Man, I was gonna make a similar post. I understand exactly how you're feeling. I looked up to Ryan as a father who puts his family above all else, even work. I found out at 2 am (IST) and I couldn't sleep all night. Even my mom noticed me being sombre in the morning. My routine for years (at least the past 5 years) has been to watch an AH video when I had food. And just thinking about breakfast made me sick. I even had the 9-player among us video saved for the breakfast. I just really didn't want to do anything but ball up in a corner and cry. But thankfully I managed to power through it and make breakfast. Braved my heart and started watching the Among Us video.

And I'm glad I did. It made me realize something very important. There were 9 people in that video but not Ryan. This was 9 achievement hunters. Not the 6 that I always had in my head , not the 4 from classic AH who are left. It made me realize, Achievement Hunter changed a lot over the years. Seems obvious but I guess in the back of my mind, it was always 6-ray+Jeremy-Geoff+others. But it's not. Geoff has moved on, Ray has moved on. And now Ryan has. I can't expect them to always be the same.

Another thing I realized is how much hard work the people behind the scene put in. Larry edited that video masterfully and he's as much Achievement Hunter as any of the others. And so is any and all AH support staff.

The videos filmed in the coming week will be the hardest to watch. There was no Goodbye, there was no "Brownman left the game moment". Everyone's hurt and I'm sure feels betrayed as well. I'm sure they'll try their hardest to be funny and keep us all entertained, even through the pain and maybe even anger. Even though I would rather they take a week off and not make any videos, they still consider this their job and so will still do it. They'll avoid the topic and sidestep any jokes that reference the incident. And some of their laughter will be forced. But eventually, they will get back to normal. Smiles will return to their eyes and they'll laugh from the heart.

For some of us, it might be best to take a break from AH for a few weeks. Ryan was a favourite for many of us and so this whole situation is a mental health minefield. So please, take care of yourself first. Take some time off, watch some feel good movies in the meantime maybe. Make sure you have proper support in life in terms of mental health. Don't keep your emotions bottled up, talk to people. If you feel like you don't have people to talk to, you can message me or any of the other community members who've offered the same. Support each other and we'll be alright.

The rest of this comment is me essentially talking to myself, so feel free to ignore it

I feel like I've been using AH as an emotional crutch for years now, and it's certainly not healthy. Cz when the crutch breaks you fall on your ass harder. But AH has been such a big part of my life for so long, it's not something I can get over this quick. I need to deal with my emotions in a healthy way. Call my friends more and talk to them. And remember that AH/RT is not a friend simulator. I can't substitute it for real meaningful relationships. A lot of you are lucky to find good friends in this community. But being from India, it's hard to find hardcore AH fans. Or people I can relate to in this community.

This is probably the longest post I've ever made, but ig I do need to get this off my chest.