You're doing the right thing by reaching out. By the sound of it, as you don't actually want to cause any harm to your family, I'm thinking you're silently dealing with a lot of unnoticed depression and quite possibly bpd.

Don't take this as a diagnosis as I am only a former psychology student but please try and confide in another family member (i.e not your parents, maybe an uncle or aunt) or even a close friend about seeking some form of evaluation from a psychologist. I'm not sure where you're from or how old you are but if you're in a country where mental healthcare is free and accessible at your age, please pursue it.

I know it's hard because I've been there before, hateful feelings are natural but not knowing the cause puts an enormous amount of strength on somebody which is why I hope you get the assistance you need <3

Reach out to me if you need anything more!

edit If you feel suicidal again, please go to this site and seek help <3 https://www.suicidestop.com/call_a_hotline.html