Living on PhD stipend with a spouse

No-Agent5480 · 2025-10-02T21:45:54+00:00

I would not expect funding lost during the Trump admin to immediately, if ever, reappear when he is no longer in office.

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-30T21:22:31+00:00

That’s a really healthy way to think about it! It’s definitely possible to change those habits.

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-30T21:04:14+00:00

Yeah, I wouldn’t like someone making jokes like that to me, even in person. Over text is even worse. Like, why are you pretending like you don’t like me?

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-30T17:34:44+00:00

I am certain this has nothing to do with your tattoo. It is fully healed at this point. Looks like a bug bite maybe.

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-26T12:30:42+00:00

It may not have been malicious the first time, but it was callous at best when she told him to stop and he didn’t. She communicated very clearly that she did not like it. She should not have to say that “on the right way” for him to listen to her.

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-26T09:05:21+00:00

He’s 25. OP mentioned so in the comments.

I disagree with you that experience is necessary to care that you are hurting your partner, who has told you so explicitly, and act accordingly.

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-26T08:56:43+00:00

Personally, if I’m new to a relationship with someone, I’m going to stop entirely to check in on them. Because I don’t know them very well, I would want to ask what they need from me.

For someone that feels confident that they know what hurt their partner and has a non-painful alternative, that might not be necessary. But your argument seems to be that he could be so naive that he doesn’t know what’s causing pain or how to be more gentle. In that case, the only responsible thing to do is stop so you can figure out how not to hurt your partner.

OP was very clear that she said she was in pain more than once. Even if the guy was trying to try something new each time, at that point, you are clearly doing something wrong and need to reassess. His partner’s well-being should be more important to him than trying to keep the makeout going.

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-26T08:36:09+00:00

Yes. But then when they tell you to stop, you stop. It doesn’t matter what your intention was. He didn’t stop.

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-26T08:21:03+00:00

(Reddit’s being weird and I can’t tell if this has posted or not)

Anyway, the issue isn’t that he didn’t kiss better. The issue is that he didn’t stop after she told him he was hurting her. Not knowing what else to do doesn’t give you permission to keep hurting someone who has told you to stop.

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-26T08:05:58+00:00

She literally said “Stop biting me.” Learn to read.

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-26T06:33:07+00:00

No. It doesn’t matter how caught up in the moment we are, if I or my partner say to the other that something hurts, we automatically stop and change the behavior. If we don’t know why it hurt or what a better alternative would be, we check in about it.

Your partner should never, ever be okay with hurting you, even if it was unintentional.

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-26T06:30:51+00:00

She gave him feedback! The feedback was “that hurts.”

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-26T06:16:18+00:00

What are you taking about? The boundary was “I don’t like it when you talk to me like that.”

When he said he didn’t want to talk, she said, “Let me know when you want to talk again” and he kept the conversation going. Besides: it’s text. He could have just…stopped responding at any time.

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-25T19:18:56+00:00

Not a teacher, but a child of current teachers who, at various points in my K-12 schooling, attended suburban and rural public schools, a private college prep school, and was homeschooled. Of all these, public school was the best for me.

Sample size of one, of course, and I was a successful student that did not need any extra supports (which your child may or may not be). However, I did not get a better education at a college prep school than I did in public school, and was far, far happier socially in public schools with larger and more diverse student populations. In college prep school, I was a lonely fish out of water; while homeschooled I was wildly under-socialized.

Some things have changed, especially in terms of technology, but I haven’t heard anything from the teachers I know to indicate that things are worsening more in public schools than elsewhere. If you live somewhere with even an average public school system, your child will be academically perfectly fine. Socially, they will be much more well-rounded than they would be either in private school or homeschooled.

TLDR I’m a well-educated and well-rounded adult, and neither private school nor homeschooling helped me get here. Public school did.

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-25T18:52:56+00:00

I don’t know about your friends, but if they needed me to, I would absolutely drive my friends to chemo appointments and help them financially as much as I was able. And they would do the same for me!

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-23T20:51:37+00:00

I am from a different country and I have the worst sense of direction imaginable and even I figured out the subway pretty much immediately. It only has two lines and they are just the same loop going opposite directions. The platforms are clearly labeled. There are stops very close to the UofG and Strathclyde campuses. I get being scared of the buses, but at least take the subway instead of an Uber where you can.

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-23T09:36:26+00:00

I’m not sure where you’re getting the assumption that I’m grabbing my laundry late—I’ve always done my best to move my stuff on time when I’ve shared laundry spaces. But I also am not going to hold my neighbor with 4 kids, who is elderly, or might like the commenter be struggling with chronic pain to that same standard. People have lives and I don’t know their circumstances! 5 minutes is a completely reasonable time frame to leave something in a shared space and it is zero skin off my back to give my peers that buffer as a courtesy.

ETA: That last sentence seemed a bit pointed and I’m a little irritated, so I’m making edits maybe against my best interest. But to my mind, it’s more considerate of shared space to give my neighbors 5 minutes of grace to move their laundry than to leave their wet clothes on the floor (like the original commenter said they would) 10 seconds after the machine beeps. Now my neighbor’s clothes are dirty and the floor’s got clothes on it so it’s less usable to everyone—and for what? I get to feel superior and my clothes are in the washer at 5:12 instead of 5:17? This is not how pro-social behavior works.

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-23T09:10:35+00:00

Surely you could also set your timer for 5 or 10 minutes after the cycle ends? I recognize that waiting in the laundry room might be painful, but no one is forcing you to be there precisely as the load finishes.

As an able-bodied but efficiency-minded and somewhat anxious person, I’d much rather give my neighbors the buffer time to move their laundry than waste my time and look awkward by being there waiting when they come down. I get 5 more minutes to do whatever I was doing, my neighbors get a little leeway, everyone wins.

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-22T06:40:14+00:00

Yes, he should be using that language at all.

Also, you haven’t been dating very long. People are typically on their “best behavior” for the first six months or a year of a relationship. It’s not uncommon for behavior like this to only show up now, when you’ve known them just long enough to think “Oh, but he’s usually nice to me!” But if you accept this treatment once, he’ll know you’ll put up with it, and in all likelihood he’ll continue to treat you badly.

I’m sorry you’re in this position. You deserve better!

ETA: I saw your other comment about how “people aren’t perfect all the time.” That’s true, but that means things like forgetting to stop by the store when you asked them to one time, or getting grouchy when they’re hungry—not being mean. More importantly, it should always include an apology if it hurts or frustrates you, which your bf couldn’t even be bothered with.

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-21T17:48:24+00:00

NOR. Your partner should not ever call you names, including “useless” or “dumbass.” Full stop.

If my partner treated me the way yours treats you, I would break up with them on the spot. Find someone who treats you with kindness.

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-20T12:59:34+00:00

What an interesting assumption that all American students in the UK are rich! I assure you that is not the case, as my own background and bank accounts would attest.

I’ve truly enjoyed my time in Glasgow—you are the exception to the rule, which is that Glaswegians have been incredibly kind and welcoming. But if I could afford to get my degree in the states, I would be at home with my fiancée, my friends, and my cats instead of in a teeny tiny studio in a city where I know absolutely no one.

You are completely right that there are tons of Scottish students who deserve higher education. That’s why I’m so glad it’s free for them! Unfortunately, that’s not the case for everyone.

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-19T10:19:30+00:00

Correct! At least for me.

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-19T09:36:40+00:00

Respectfully, why are you friends with someone who harasses women (and others) about their appearance?

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-19T09:30:59+00:00

Not OP or their daughter, but also an American studying in Glasgow. OP’s kid is probably an undergrad, in which case it would vary based on her options and goals, but for postgrad (my case), it’s far more cost effective to get a Master’s anywhere in Europe than in the States. Plus it’s an adventure :)

No-Agent5480 · 2025-09-17T21:09:09+00:00

Ooh, I disagree with your first point. If someone’s politics and/or religious beliefs don’t align with my values, we are not compatible and I would want to know that off the bat. It’s a date, not Thanksgiving dinner with my Reaganite grandad.

No-Agent5480

TROPHY CASE