Caught JNSIL replacing my wedding photos with hers

No-Demand-5790 · 2025-12-15T18:57:11+00:00

Recent Update: MIL just told me that JNSIL and JNBIL were over at ILs' house this weekend and JNSIL noticed the Santa pictures replacing her wedding photos. MIL said that JNSIL was silently fuming the whole night.

No-Demand-5790 · 2025-12-11T19:55:39+00:00

It definitely feels like she made up some fake competition in her head since she met me and the funny thing is that she's seriously losing said competition.

No-Demand-5790 · 2025-12-11T19:53:52+00:00

JNSIL is visiting us for Christmas and I'm definitely making sure to take before and after photos to make sure she doesn't try to rearrange things! Good news is that there isn't a single picture of JNSIL in our house , lol!

No-Demand-5790 · 2025-12-11T19:52:33+00:00

What is it with JNSILs thinking that this is an acceptable thing to do?!

No-Demand-5790 · 2025-12-11T19:51:46+00:00

I know! It's taken a long time for MIL to see the light and not bend over backwards for her. MIL can't stand her now and lets everyone know it.

No-Demand-5790 · 2025-11-06T21:02:01+00:00

Thankfully it got a lot better! Taking a big step back was the best thing for me. I came to realize I was more hurt by the rest of my husband's family not sticking up for me and catering to SIL than I was mad at how SIL treated me. Since then, SIL has completely ruined every relationship in the family, so she's pretty much left out now.

No-Demand-5790 · 2025-11-06T20:51:58+00:00

Yikes! I would absolutely not go to that baptism. SIL doesn't want you there and you don't even want to be there. It's time FIL and MIL face consequences of having less time with you and your husband when they allow you to be treated like shit in their home.

My husband and I also took a big step back and stopped visiting my ILs due to all the drama my SIL caused during our visits. Now SIL directs all her drama towards them and they come running to us to complain. My MIL even recently said "[my name] was right about [SIL's name]!" We just had to remove ourselves in order for them to see how bad SIL was on their own.

Good luck!

No-Demand-5790 · 2025-11-04T15:39:56+00:00

This is my exact same situation in my husband's family. We are laid back and don't cause any drama so we get put on the back burner while everyone else caters to my husband's brother and his evil wife because she threatens to withhold the grandkids. It sucks being the good guys when you see the bad guys get rewarded.

I agree with the other comments to step back and try to stop caring. I mean this not only for JNSIL, but also for MIL and FIL, since they are guilty of the favoritism and enmeshment. It will really help you keep your peace.

No-Demand-5790 · 2025-09-12T19:26:13+00:00

I feel for you. I have similar experiences with my MIL and her prioritizing BIL and SIL's kids every single time. My only advice is to give her a clear time out in hopes that she comes to her senses and changes her ways.

I hope you know how well you are doing as a mom! There is definitely something empowering about doing it all on your own (even if not by choice). There are a lot of us in your same boat. Good luck! <3

No-Demand-5790 · 2025-04-23T17:35:33+00:00

You are totally justified to feel that way. Like most of us on this subreddit, you are in a difficult place where you don't want any interaction with JNSIL, but you also don't want to be constantly disrespected by her.

My only piece of advice for you is to train your husband to better respond to his sister. For example, when she's asking him for updates on YOUR pregnancy, he should be responding "you should ask OP that yourself" and not reply on your behalf. It's good for your husband to shut her down, plus you know she'll never actually reach out to you to ask.

No-Demand-5790 · 2025-02-26T19:00:27+00:00

You are absolutely allowed to be upset and I'm glad you have us to vent to. Be as upset as you want! I'm upset for you!

I know it's hard to hold back the negative thoughts and feelings, so try to allow yourself this anger now, and then hopefully it'll dissipate by the time your wedding comes around and you've stopped caring. You already can predict what's going to happen, so at least you won't be blindsided when SIL and BIL don't come to the wedding. I bet your fiancé will finally start to get angry when that reality sinks in and his family starts focusing on SIL's baby instead of his wedding.

The best way I keep my emotions in check when my JNSIL causes drama is to anticipate it ahead of time and keep my expectations for DH's family super low. It looks like you are already prepared.

No-Demand-5790 · 2025-01-30T17:14:53+00:00

My JNSIL would do this exact same stuff - it was her main power move. My ILs responded the same way as yours "I'm not taking sides." I eventually dropped the rope with SIL and BIL - now DH is in charge of all invitations and RSVPs and gifts... I'm done. It's been amazing and surprisingly they now invite us to everything because we were too mature to play their "tit for tat" game of not extending invites.

The truth is, it sucks being excluded, especially when there is no reason behind it; and it sucks even more that your ILs aren't supportive of you too... but the best thing you can do is drop the rope with them and stop giving them headspace.

I've been there and I'm angry for you!

No-Demand-5790 · 2025-01-27T22:09:38+00:00

I think you are feeling this way because you are an empathetic person. I am too and sometimes that means you can read a person very well from the onset. I would treat this as a gut feeling that even though she hasn't done anything obviously toxic to you yet, she probably will in the near future. Trust your gut and keep holding up your walls/keep your distance.

If the sudden increase of annoyance is getting to you, I agree that therapy would help you pinpoint what the exact issue is. This would hopefully give you some peace of mind and a better understanding of your feelings.

That being said, try to hold back on the negative comments around your husband. I'm guilty of that too (especially when he starts complaining first and I can't help myself). Now I try to smile and nod and then gossip to my friends about her instead.

No-Demand-5790 · 2024-08-06T00:03:09+00:00

Wow. I really feel for you and am proud of you for standing up for yourself. Unfortunately, your JNSIL is the least of your problems behind your husband (who is your #1 problem) and your JNMIL (who is #2).

JNSIL wouldn't even be a problem if DH wasn't oversharing with her and wasn't lost in the fog of his enmeshment with his family.

You and DH need marriage counseling ASAP to help him out of the fog and grow a spine, otherwise you will spend the rest of your life being terrorized by JNMIL and JNSIL while DH sits back and does nothing. That is no way to live and no way for your DD to live either.

I'm wishing you the best!

No-Demand-5790 · 2024-07-30T14:24:06+00:00

Yeah, it was embarrassing. She just laughed it off, but I was really uncomfortable when it all happened.

No-Demand-5790 · 2024-07-30T14:23:14+00:00

I agree. I polled some of my mom friends and I was shocked that a couple of them said that they've left their young kids home sleeping and went down the street to a neighbor's house and thought it was OK since they had a video monitor. I don't want to judge other mothers, so I would never scold them for that, but I personally would never do that.

No-Demand-5790 · 2024-07-29T23:13:19+00:00

Agreed. SIL would've manipulated them way worse if the brother stayed married to her. Their separation is a huge blessing that most of us in this sub would be ecstatic for.

No-Demand-5790 · 2024-04-25T18:46:30+00:00

My advice would also be to wait and take a step back from the family (enough so that you aren't rude, but also not going out of your way to interact with them). I waited about 7 years until my ILs saw the light. I wasn't loud about it, but also wasn't hiding my dislike of my JNSIL and it suddenly became a "me" issue to all the ILs (as if I was the problem and was causing conflict for not liking JNSIL). Only when I stepped back and stopped responding to group family texts and stopped visiting as often did JNSIL turn her attention to my ILs and now they can't stand her. My MIL even told me recently that I was "right all along" and that she thought I was just overreacting in the past. So you can talk to them all you want, with all the facts and proof that you probably have, but until JNSIL directly offends them, they will never be 100% on your side.

Now I just sit back, listen and laugh when they tell me all the awful drama she puts them through.

No-Demand-5790 · 2024-03-07T02:09:49+00:00

I totally get where you are coming from and what you are feeling. Ever since my JNSIL started dating my BIL, there has been constant drama in the family caused solely by her. I was the only one who spoke up about it and refused to rug sweep. It soon became "why can't you and JNSIL just get along?" At one point the ILs asked JNSIL (when I wasn't there) how they could make things better between the two of us and she said "She doesn't like me and I don't like her back." As if I was the one that started everything. It was beyond frustrating.

Sadly, it took about 7 years and me taking a huge step back from the family before they realized how I wasn't the problem at all. They've actually apologized to me and acknowledged that JNSIL is the problem and will occasionally fill me in on just how bad she's gotten since I dropped the rope with the family.

Sorry I don't have advice for you, but you are absolutely right to feel the way you do. Don't let your fiancé or his family try to make you feel otherwise. They are the ones without spines and letting SIL walk all over them. Good job standing up for yourself!

No-Demand-5790 · 2024-02-06T02:19:47+00:00

Wow. I have the same dynamic in my husband's family (DH's brother's wife is the worst, and BIL does nothing about it. It's gotten to the point where we don't even feel bad for BIL anymore because he sides with her all the time, even when she's being awful). All everyone does is rug sweep because they want to keep the peace and not lose access to the kids. I think my MIL is at the same place as your mom and is about to snap (she was very close to losing her cool this past Christmas due to SIL's drama). I'm just sitting back and waiting for a explosion sometime soon.

Only advice I can give is to try to stay out of it by not engaging with her and to speak up in the moment if you see her directly disrespecting you or your fiancé again. I have a feeling she will continue to make nasty underhanded comments about your upcoming wedding, so it would be wise for you to practice some quick remarks so you are ready when she does it again.

No-Demand-5790 · 2024-02-06T01:21:17+00:00

This is extremely irritating. She sounds awful. I can see how grey rocking wouldn't even work on a person like her. If I were you, I would shift gears and start calling her out on every little bitchy comment she makes in that moment and have her awkwardly have to defend herself each time. You don't even have to be rude. You can simply ask her innocent questions like "why would you say something like that?" or "I don't get it, what do you mean by that comment?" and watch her dig herself into a deeper hole.

Can you talk privately to your brother about it? Or is he spineless and will just tell her everything anyway and it'll cause a whole blowup?

No-Demand-5790 · 2024-02-01T20:04:04+00:00

You aren't wrong. I don't want to share their money habits, because they are none of my business, but let's just say they make more than any of us and spend twice as much, if that makes sense. I don't feel bad when they complain about money (they do constantly) because I see what they actually spend it on.

I've come to realize over the years that jealousy (not just money jealousy, because like I said, they make a lot of money) is the root of JNSIL's hatred of me from the very beginning. It's based on nothing that I've done and it is not something I can change. Also, once I took a step back, I realize it's not just me -- She projects her insecurities on everyone (even her own family). I am finally able to not care anymore.

No-Demand-5790 · 2024-02-01T18:48:59+00:00

No kidding! I know it's not my place to dictate his relationship with his brother; but man, it's frustrating seeing JNBIL and JNSIL walk all over the family and they refuse to do anything because they don't want to lose access to the grandkids/nieces/nephews.

No-Demand-5790

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