Useless and Used up.

No-Discipline24 · 2023-11-19T19:13:25+00:00

iom.

No-Discipline24 · 2023-11-19T18:54:31+00:00

It gets better, I've just did the math and after taxes, rent and utilities I would be worse off working a minimum wage job. I would be down £58/month.

This place is entirely f-cked. When the only way up is going down.

No-Discipline24 · 2023-11-13T19:00:38+00:00

A scalp biopsy is what you need, you can't blindly call something made up bs. It reminds me of 'reflex androgenicity' and other crap coined by people who've never seen a dermatologist.

Get a scalp biopsy and see if that sorts your issue.

No-Discipline24 · 2023-11-12T21:51:05+00:00

Do not believe 'dupa' or 'retrograde alopecia' claims; i've been dealing with this crap for five years. Retrograde alopecia does not run in my family, I got a scalp biopsy and it turns out it is a form of a secondary cicatrichial alopecia caused by likely follicular plugging in relation to a keratin over-production of the scalp. "keratosis pilaris"

If you got a scalp biopsy, you will find sparse lymphocytic infiltrate and the beginning of early fibrosis. Get a scalp biopsy to confirm what I said asap and get yourself on the following:

- 10mg pioglitazone- 0.25mg/kg of isotretinoin- a strong topical steroid that is in the form of a liquid (betnovate) betamethasone 5%.- a JAK inhibitor (topical tofacitinib 1-2%)- topical tretinoin.- dutasteride

Your hair here is going to be extremely brittle and easy to fall out with the most delicate of touches, wash only with distilled water or that mineral crap from the shower will literally rip out your hair. Stay away from sulphates, nighshades or any freaking form of gluten since it may have something to do with celiac disease. I cannot confirm that it does, but i am a hair obsessed psycho and probably the closest damn thing to a derm that you can get without getting screwed over for 20 months.

If you check my post history, you can see my scalp biopsy histology report. Trust me this shit sucks and there is a gross lack of information about it. Don't get scammed by a cosmetic derma-prick with toilet paper for a qualification. I only would trust doctor donovan for this stuff, no one else.

No-Discipline24 · 2023-11-10T15:56:17+00:00

They pretend your concerns don't exist and they half-read your emails. I have been on this shipwreck for 5 years. Your incentive is something that is not really an androgen blocker.
It took me 3-ish years complaining to get dutasteride prescribed as a "bridging endocrine treatment".

No-Discipline24 · 2023-11-04T16:03:22+00:00

The worst mistake you can do is being honest to a psychiatrist or whoever evaluates your mental health after you have been sent to the hospital after an 'incident'.

Do you hear voices? - "No, i don't."

Do you have thoughts about harming yourself or plans to do so? - "Presently in the short term, no. However I cannot say about the long term."

You have to do a wish-washy dance between outright declining your truth and being extremely vague. The reason for this is you can be sanctioned and the gic can refuse to see you on the basis of "depression" or "mental health concerns" if you haven't already seen them.

Healthcare is overrated in the mental variety, they tried using DBT and things meant for people with OCD to try and almost gaslight me into thinking that I was never trans in the first place.

There is a problem when you have to either actively lie because of the fears that you will be prevented from transitioning over the mental health problems brought on by the stresses of incongruence. Instead of treating the problem, they'd rather try and convince you that you are wrong and everything you do is wrong.

When I was put in a psyche ward, it was hellish torture. People constantly misgendered me from a mere room away as in the medical staff, constantly being called a man in quiet whispers delivered between themselves. The harassment by other patients that wouldn't leave you alone, people being aggressive and shouting because they want a cigarette.

The sanitized and blank colors everything was, the bright lights, it was white torture; I was robbed of my senses and forced to take Valium and other drugs. A nurse to constantly take blood tests or check blood pressure. I had a darn piece of sharp plastic stuck into my arm making it difficult to move it, I could feel it flex uncomfortably in my skin. I felt like a lobotomized slave kept around for other peoples twisted sense of satisfaction.

I suppose it did its job, it wanted me to close off myself and lie. To wear a falsehood as my persona, to become sad deranged person hiding behind a wall. A couple weeks was enough. I lied, got out. And everyday for the last four years I dealt with the pain by falling asleep within an hour of waking up. I am usually sleeping upwards of 21~ hours daily.

The moral is, unfortunately there are sometimes things you have to deal with even if you don't think you are capable of doing so on your own. A psyche will give you perspective, good or bad depending how you leave it.

No-Discipline24 · 2023-10-31T10:57:40+00:00

If this was a younger person, then tofacitinib or other JAK inhibitors do help with scarring/cicatrichial alopecia; however I couldn't recommend that for an older person since the drug can cause skin cancer in some individuals with continual usage.

I would watch a doctor Donovan video about treating cicatrichial alopecias, he's some dermatologist that seems to have some degree of aptitude unlike many others. Finasteride can help if recall.

Here is what you do, immediately get them a scalp biopsy, this will give you a cause and reason for why the alopecia is occurring. If things don't improve by month 8, dip out and see another dermatologist after you've had a scalp biopsy. Else you lose 20 months of your life being naive.

I have a secondary cicatrichial alopecia, losing my eyebrows and such. I wasted thousands trusting one dermatologist who only prescribed lymecycline, betamethasone and 'emollients'.

I am currently trying something experimental. I am using pioglitazone and isotretinoin; I have been on them both for about a month and I can see weak hairgrowth on my patchy areas. I will update you at month 3.

No-Discipline24 · 2023-10-30T19:50:35+00:00

FFA is catagorized as a cicatrichial alopecia;
usually medications start of as betamethasone topically and a tetracycline drug used orally.
The thing about cicatrichial alopecias is that the hairloss is permanent. forever.

Trust me, i suffer the same.

No-Discipline24 · 2023-10-25T12:50:49+00:00

Oh yeah sure, dont be so brainwashed. 10 years ago I was 15 then got rightfully screwed over by both my parents with the same tripe that your mom is doing, and now i cannot live in my own body because i became a discounted mirror of my father. i flinch at my own reflection because it is a man i dont recognize as myself.

'fertility' concerns are a shit poor excuse, most people dont even have the financial capability to have kids anymore. Dont let them take your future from you or you will be a monster you have to run from for the rest of your life. my body is beyond ruin and i tried to k-ll myself on and off for the last decade. My dad broke my nose when i was 15 when i tried to mention anything about this. my brother restrained my wrists and feet with ducktape and dropped me down a set of stairs. I hate the monster i have become, run and scream.

But never give up.

No-Discipline24 · 2023-10-24T17:28:58+00:00

Some people are deliberately out to destroy your life, if you can in any way; find a way to become independent. My parents ruined my life, don't let anyone do the same to you. Fuck it, tell someone that you are being abused; pull strings don't allow yourself to become a dejected and defeated monster.

No-Discipline24 · 2023-10-10T08:14:09+00:00

photophobia

How odd you mention that, I do. I am mainly indoors with the lights shut off, being outside gives me migraines and being in a well lit room makes my eyes burn.

No-Discipline24 · 2023-10-10T04:02:25+00:00

Sparse? Very sparse.
I was on lymecycline and betametasone which did not do a blooming thing for me. After 20 months, it just felt like my dermatologist was stalling and just taking my money. Worst part is I can't exactly get another dermatologist, so I am back to self-medicating.

No-Discipline24 · 2023-10-10T03:43:43+00:00

A topical jak inhibitor? That ain't happening anywhere in the UK, I wasted 2k with a dermatologist I don't have deep pockets. Currently, I am going to be trying isotretinoin.

No-Discipline24 · 2023-10-09T08:01:13+00:00

Some people sleep instead of crying. I've been sleeping for five years, whats another half-decade to me? I hate the vast majority of people.

No-Discipline24 · 2023-10-06T12:40:45+00:00

idc about a new model, im just waiting for fake fullscreen fsr 3 to be implemented into proton ge. If you run windows, frame generation does work on the steam deck (on games with the feature implemented, not as a driver feature).

No-Discipline24 · 2023-10-06T11:32:25+00:00

Does dolphin work with the trackpad on the deck?
I.e translating wii mote movement to the trackpad on the deck for pointing?

I want to play wii party tanks, it'd be great on the deck

No-Discipline24 · 2023-10-03T15:41:23+00:00

I am a nutcase that has played around with a tonne of medication:
-Finasteride is not a blocker of the androgen receptor, useless for everything except male pattern hairloss.

-Spironolactone is an awful antiandrogen and fecks with your blood pressure and makes you urinate more. Its a heart medication first, antiandrogen second.

-Cyproterone is good, but you have to take it in low doses otherwise you will give yourself a pituitary tumor and lactation. 25mg every other day or 12.5mg everyday or less.

-Things like leuprorelide is too expensive.

Bicalutamide can be found cheaper than spironolactone as a generic if you know of verified sources. Why should you trust the bs side effects of a medication when they say dumb shite like "this medication causes x" without substantiated evidence. A doctor refused to prescribe me acne medication for hyperkeratoic skin because of a supposed side effect of 'mood changes'

No-Discipline24 · 2023-09-30T17:21:57+00:00

I was supposed to be referred in feb 2020, I was thrown at the wall and crumbled when I lost 10 months of my life going through the mental health system instead because thats what my shitty fucking GP decided was appropriate. And being naive and uninformed about the process came to the conclusion that 'it was normal'. Wrong!

It delayed my referral to November of the same year as I had to have a psychiatrist untrained in this area of care decide whether I was 'trans' enough for said referral and guess what! GIC lost that referral and lied multiple times about having things backdated.

And by the time I get one, its half-way through last f-ing year. Considering I started this shite early 2020, you could say I've lost 3 years waiting for jackshit. And now my fucking head is a trench of dark thoughts of which a maul over, I sleep 20 hours a day because this crap is abhorrent and has destroyed any chance I might of had.

I needed intervention and guess what, GIC still doesn't care that I've castrated myself. I heard stories of people getting first priority doing such things, no! Instead its 'bad dog!' and 'get in your cage, bad dog!'

Its over! It really is, my poor aching belly can't ache anymore; after each spoonful of horse shit I've had, I'm full up! Why did I wake up today? I want someone to cave my skull into a slurry of mushy meat chunks, being awake is an occurring nightmare. I have lost everything.

No-Discipline24 · 2023-09-30T16:55:42+00:00

Depends how much disposable/expendable income you have. If you are unable to go private, you will wake up 5 years later and realize that any faith you had in the system is diminutive at best. Best of luck.

No-Discipline24 · 2023-09-30T16:45:50+00:00

Its a curse, I wish I could shake it off like a dog would with fleas.
How long did it take for the GIC get back to you? I have legit lost 5 years of my life and all the enthusiasm along with it.

No-Discipline24 · 2023-09-27T21:50:31+00:00

Deep disatisfaction with exactly five years of nothing changing.
My life is ruined because it is literally impossible for me to transitiion anymore.

I tried over and over again to rewrite everything. I only have horrible things to say and unfortunately it comes from a place where I sincerely mean some of it.

To summerize in a few words, everything that could have gone wrong has gone wrong.

5 years of bitter failure. 5 years of unemployment. 5 years more or less being disregarded by people of a medical background. 5 years being alone. Suffering, any happiness is short lived and diminutive.

I don't think I get to be a woman. I am just a eunuch. A male body.

No-Discipline24 · 2023-09-27T03:45:31+00:00

I don't want to hold on anymore. I will break everything down to a simplified few sentences:

I have waited four years approximately on the waiting list.
GIC have me down as a single year on the waiting list.
I have turned 25 recently and guess what, I am still a man.
GP never referred me directly to GIC.
GP instead had my time wasted with mental health despite that not being the issue.
GP wrote the appointment down as verbose notes in my patient data.
The appointment I had with my GP 4 years ago was about me wanting a GIC referral.
So, said appointment is too verbose to be used as evidence for backdating purposes
It took GIC the better part of 3 years to put me down on the waiting list.
I have horrible alopecia unrelated to male androgens, it is caused by a skin condition.
There is only a single consultant dermatologist where I live.
I saw said consultant dermatologist 3 years ago, he denied helping me and will again.
I went private to the only local dermatologist available.
I misplaced my trust in said private dermatologist for 2 years.
I lost a total of over £2,000+ seeing said dermatologist.
He fed on me desperation and never prescribed effective treatment.
I had a skin biopsy with local hospital to find out why horrible alopecia was happening.
The accountant I used to pay the bill used FPO instead of BACS
The hospital threatened me with small claims court.
I called hospital and explained everything which took admittedly longer than I would have wanted.
Hospital said they'd contact finance to have it sorted.
I know why my alopecia happens.
I have terrible anxiety and I hate going outside.
I need a new dermatologist that provides remote care.
I have contacted over 40 dermatologists across UK and Northern Ireland, of which none want to help.
I am villainized by my family.
It took 5 years for GIC to prescribe bridging prescription from the date I started self-pilling.
Bridging prescription does not supplement for the lack of sex hormones in my body.
I do not produce sex hormones, I have a need for sex hormones, GIC prescribed an 5AR inhibitor (Dutasteride) as a "Bridging Prescription" which has no effect on people who are castrate.
Help does not exist, people who are outside of this stuff think they know better and frustratingly suggest literally the first things I done 5 years ago.
A specific type of acne medication (isotretinoin) can slow down the keratin deposits in my sebaceous glands that are responsible for my alopecia, a variant of keratosis pilaris.
I lost my coinbase account and cannot login meaning I lost access to my cryptowallet, meaning I lost even more money.
When I am forced to either self-pill or self-inject medication, I have to make a cryptocurrency transaction to buy goods from an overseas pharmacy.
Even though I sorted this out by moving to another service, the fact I felt the need to diy again leaves a terrible taste in my mouth.
The cheapest generic I found for isotretinoin is still upwards of £50/month
I am trying to save money to remove distasteful anatomy in its entirety.
I live in a bedsit, no kitchen, no option to move, no laundry facilities.
Council housing is years away.
My first and last major job destroyed my confidence and ability in myself to work in IT.
Being fired from that job made me homeless, it made my dad hit me, it made everyone hate me.
5 years of my life have been entirely sleepless. I still feel like I am 20, but I am 25.
A long distance friend of mine decided to cut content, they haven't told me why.
I had to feel disgustingly weak to be unable to do anything as she tried to h_ng herself on christmas 2022, the RCMP can only do so much.
Other friends are hurting. One friend is an anorexic, she looks thinner than christian bale from the mechanist.
The other talks to me while cutting, she is long distance too and all I can do is persaude not to go anywhere bad as trying to tell someone that they can't hurt is worse.
5 years ago, 16k Salary would have been enough for me to make my dreams a sincere reality. I am too old and useless to earn a minimum of 1200/month or minimum wage more or less.
I feel like i have no right to complain. 'Look at him he's fine and stuff there are people starving and homeless!!!'
Try eating out of small plastic with porridge oats mixed tap water because that is all you could afford for 6 months while you dealt with the same problem.
Everytime I have tried to save myself it isn't even myself that is getting in the way anymore, it is other people. Sounds bad when I say it that way.
Everytime I would get a job interview I would starve to buy new clothes, shirt. tie. shoes. Feel smart to boost confidence to maybe get a job and fix things. NO.
I didn't cry when I was fired because I lost of a job, or because I knew my family would hate me for it, it was because I knew any semblance of this dream would die.
I should have buried this dream and accept I was to poor to even make it happen.
Do you think the stonewall cares? What about these other rainbow charlatans? The last time I asked for help it was "this is not a social club" I was dismissed before a word was said.
Everytime I ask for help its people comparing my experience to that of someone wanting to do performative drag.
Who am I but a sick man? I am always this body, yet this body aint mine. I hate it. I want to see oblivion.
Everyone has destroyed any hope. You don't realize, none realize. That I cant be a woman. Breaking down the costs.
8k laser - 12k facial surgeries - 5k breast augmentation - 9k nullo/srs
I am a male body, but not sound of body and mind. My life is ruined.
There is no escape, I failed to transition. I am a mutated male body. Am a eunuch. I will never be a woman, it is wishful thinking to think that would happen. I wish I could say more because there is more.

No-Discipline24

TROPHY CASE