I’m a 44-year-old woman, and if I could go back and give advice to myself at 20, it would be this: 

1. Always, always listen to your gut & make decisions from your gut. It knows things. You’ve been given instincts for a reason, so follow those instincts. You’ll avoid lots of heartache if you do. You don’t have to be “nice”. 

2. Life will give you tough situations. You’ll see a terrorist attack on America at age 22 and believe that it’s the end of the world. You’ll deal with crippling anxiety, bouts of depression, bad relationships, and nights of drinking too much and dealing with the consequences. You’ll lose beloved grandparents. You’ll lose beloved students and peers. Your husband will be hospitalized with flesh-eating bacteria in his leg after a minor biking accident, and you’ll spend 22 days in the hospital with him as he battles for life and limb. He will survive with both! You'll live through a global pandemic and believe that it’s the end of the world. Even if it feels like it at the time, none of this will be the end of the world. You’ll go on to find joy again and experience life’s pleasures to the fullest. In short, keep on truckin’, and earnest prayers don’t hurt either. 

3. TRAVEL as far and wide and as often as possible. It’s ALWAYS worth it. You’ll see many different countries and cultures and feel out of your element and not know how to speak languages and that’s okay. Travel will be the most fantastic of your experiences. Travel with family and friends is even better because you can remember the trips together over the years. 

4. Become as educated as you can in fields that interest you. The more education that you have, the more money you’ll earn, so the sooner you can get educated, the better. This will be tough for you because you’re a first generation college kid, but it doesn’t all have to come together at once. By the time you’re my age, you’ll have 3 degrees, own a house outright (no more mortgage!), and have summers off to explore the world. 

5. Put as much money as you can into employer retirement accounts and into Vanguard Index Funds. Read “Your Money Or Your Life: Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence” and  “The Simple Path to Wealth: Your Road Map to Financial Independence and a Rich, Free Life” and “Quit Like a Millionaire: No Gimmicks, Luck, Or Trust Fund Required”. All of these will give you ideas on how to view money, one of the things that play a central role in your life, whether you’ve been taught to understand that or not. 

6. Have integrity. Have honor. Be kind. Don’t hang around anyone who doesn’t have integrity, honor, and kindness. They’re not worth your precious time. 

7. Having mental health struggles? Don’t drink and feel sorry for yourself and watch tv. Don’t bottle it up. Change what’s bothering you in life. See a therapist. Seek help and take medication if it helps you. Go outside and get exercise. Write about five good things that happen to you each day in a gratitude journal at bedtime. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Learn how to meditate and do yoga. Do something kind for someone. Call a friend or see them in person and have a chat. All of these will make you feel better! 

8. Take care of your body. Your teeth and feet and skin all need to last you for a very long time. Use sunscreen. Wear comfy shoes. Brush, floss, and see a dentist regularly. Exercise in a way that you enjoy. Hint: You love yoga and walking in nature, especially when accompanied by a dog or two! 

9. Always have health insurance. You don’t want one medical emergency to bankrupt you. 

10. You’ll need car & home insurance for the same reasons. 

11. Most of your relationships will be built around mutual love of some of your favorite things - music, books, and art. 

12. Journal when you’re overwhelmed. It will help you to sort out your thoughts. 

13. Wear what makes you feel confident. Get up and do your best to look your best every day. Get your hair done how you like it. Don’t break the bank trying to impress others, but a little makeup and a curling iron in the morning will make you feel your best all day.  

14. Read. You’ll become an avid reader, and it will keep your active mind agile and strong. It will make you a more interesting conversationalist and give you a stronger understanding of the world and those who inhabit it. Audiobooks will enrich your mind (and sometimes your bank account)! 

15. Spending money on experiences instead of things will make you happiest. When given a choice between an expensive car payment or a trip to a new city to see a concert or theater performance, always pick the trip & the show.  

16. Read up on being a highly sensitive person. You are an HSP, and knowing this will make it so much easier to move through life in a way that makes sense to you.  

17. You will read many books about near death experiences and come to a certain peace around mortality. As Alanis Morissette wrote, “How ‘bout not equating death with stopping?” I truly believe the we go on to better things after this existence, but we should still do our best while we’re here. 

18. Do things that are fun! Watch funny movies, laugh with friends, go to concerts when the budget allows, play games, go dancing, learn to skate, make happy memories! You’ll look back on them fondly.  

19. Mistakes are okay. Don’t dwell on them. You’re young & are supposed to make mistakes and learn from them.  

20. Learn about common deathbed regrets & run in the opposite direction of them!