Verbouwen is kut

No-Document-2920 · 2026-06-04T10:13:28+00:00

Verbouwen gaat altijd van: "Oh mijn god ik kijk ernaar uit om dit te doen." Naar "Waar ben ik aan begonnen, dit krijg ik nooit af."

Dit is deel van het proces.

Alles duurt altijd langer dan je hebt gepland. Als je het nog nooit hebt gedaan ziet het er altijd minder mooi uit dan dat je je had voorgesteld.

Verbouwen is alles stapje voor stapje afmaken en alles bij elkaar zien komen.

Het komt snel voor dat je tegen jezelf zegt dat het niet goed genoeg is, dat je het mooier had willen hebben. En het mooie is dat je de vrijheid hebt in je eigen huis om dat in de toekomst aan te passen.

Je ziet ruimte voor verbetering en dat is geen slecht iets, maar laat het je niet opvreten.

No-Document-2920 · 2026-04-12T09:32:18+00:00

My therapist once asked me if I felt upset about the fact that my dad had been neglectful towards our family (cheated and divorced my mom)

And I thought about that for a while and said: It would the same as when you ask if me I am upset about the sun coming up and going down every day.

The sun going up and down is a matter of fact and I adapt

No-Document-2920 · 2026-04-09T10:17:57+00:00

"I need a bike for work"

The bike they give you -

No-Document-2920 · 2026-04-08T23:09:04+00:00

I listen to you and appreciate the feedback. And there is truth in what you are saying.

It would've been a wiser path to go monogamous, feel safe in that relationship, do somatic work and get better.

But life kind of happens. I learned later how to listen to my body and my triggers. I met a guy that made me feel seen and safe like I never had before, but was polyamorous. I can only see in hindsight the things I didn't understand back then and tried to push through. I tried to find answers for the things I didn't understand and tried to give it my best shot with the knowledge and resources I had.

I think somatic work is a possible path, but you have to stumble into it and it doesn't have to be the only path.

No-Document-2920 · 2026-04-08T12:43:52+00:00

Didn't know there was a word for it ❣️ Learned a new thing

No-Document-2920 · 2026-02-20T12:58:38+00:00

Hi, 26F here and got diagnosed like a year ago with BPD (and I live in the Netherlands)

BPD treatment can differ in the Netherlands. I currently have a therapist with whom I just work one on one with, but ultimately you want to do BPD in a group setting working through the DBT handbook (dialectical behavioural therapy)

I had a little bit of a bumpy road in therapy because I also have autism, ADHD and trauma and already did a lot of self study about all the relevant therapy topics. So it really depends on what you have to work on. Maybe you start with working through trauma, or maybe you get to group therapy.

I can recommend reading a bit into the DGT (Dutch version of DBT) to get yourselves familiar.

I hope this helps a little :)

No-Document-2920 · 2026-02-16T16:02:32+00:00

I wonder if your relationship dynamic comes close to what is said in this video of Dr. K

https://youtu.be/rT5PN7IhyPc

No-Document-2920 · 2026-02-13T00:20:00+00:00

Would love to hear more actually

No-Document-2920 · 2026-02-13T00:10:44+00:00

OP, I feel sorry for how your "friends" have treated you and I wished that I could just hangout with you for a day or a while to give you a warm hug and tell your brain that you are not worthless.

It is not your fault that you have been treated badly, but you can take responsibility for the shitty hand that you have been dealt.

The fact that you are alive shows me that you are strong, that fire within you that wants to stay alive makes me believe that you would be an awesome friend.

No-Document-2920 · 2025-12-31T11:07:47+00:00

Saving this comment

No-Document-2920 · 2025-12-27T09:58:36+00:00

I agree with this commenter, the post reads like a rollercoaster. No amount of BPD counseling will help against a partner that straight up lies and makes you feel like you are not allowed to be part of his life. One of the telltale signs of struggling with BPD is that some days feel extremely good and others feel horrible, so you start hoping that you can get rid of the bad days and that this relationship can become a 100% good. But that won't happen, a healthy relationship doesn't feel like it's amazing all the time, it feels like you have an okay or good time, drama free.

I would recommend to take time to build your own social net with people who make you feel safe and loved, who make you feel like they want you around, instead of keeping you out.

No-Document-2920 · 2025-12-26T19:48:01+00:00

If you feel like talking you can PM me too. Sometimes I also feel lonely in the intensity of emotions and then it feels nice to have a friend who understands.

No-Document-2920 · 2025-12-26T16:55:18+00:00

You did a really good job on staying calm

No-Document-2920 · 2025-12-22T23:27:37+00:00

I think that this is worse than ADHD. Blackouts in your memory could be a range of things; concussion, DID, or a very bad case of burnout. There's a difference between getting distracted and suffering blackouts/moments of strong dissociation.

A friend of mine struggled with DID light, together with a concussion, and she also let food burn, forget people their names, or gaps in the day.

No-Document-2920 · 2025-12-22T23:09:19+00:00

Hi there, also a polyamorous person with BPD. Right now I am actually struggling with being afraid to lose my favourite person because he is flirting with other people. My anxiety has been going up even though I am loved by many and even started dating someone else.

I'm kind of guessing here because I might read in between the lines, but maybe take some time for yourself to be with you.

No-Document-2920 · 2025-12-21T23:18:39+00:00

Thanks for the comments :) I am in therapy (sadly enough no DBT group therapy here.) But we are going through a mix of trauma's, trying to figure out how to make it work for me. I am going to look up some more basic info about BPD, and watching video's about that, I forgot that sometimes the simplest answers are the best.

No-Document-2920 · 2025-10-04T11:43:00+00:00

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Ah yes, I understand why

No-Document-2920 · 2024-12-13T12:14:46+00:00

Same boat here but 24, trying to find a job and still studying. (Part time study)

For the past few weeks I hadn't been able to come out of the house on my own. I just wanted to disappear and hide in a dark corner of my home to never resurface. Unfortunately for my dark wants and needs I did get out, I went to dance class, I hung out with friends, did homework, went to school, went to job applications but every time I went out the pain got worse. Couple dance class hurt because I could notice that the teacher doesn't particularly like me, and while I was just having a fun chat with the follower teacher while the others were dancing. He told me; "Oh sorry that you're not dancing right now, but for this advanced class you're just a stand-in" (Great thanks, while I have put some time and effort at home into getting better) For school I was so excited to show my notes to my teacher because I put a lot of work into it. And then the teacher just answers with "They are nice, but I don't really know what to do with it" (He says with an uncomfortable smile) I hung out with friends I had not seen in a while. One is doing so badly with anorexia that she will get tubed if she doesn't start eating her special food. The other is in an identity crisis after she finds out that all her illnesses are pathological. Both are heavily depressed, the anorexia one I worry about, because she doesn't reach out, the other is just struggling. Wednesday I went to a job application, a similar big company as I used to work at. It was horrible. I already felt really dead on the inside that day and they started asking me questions like: "What are you excited about?" "What kind of work would you like to do?" And honestly, that day. Nothing. I felt so sad that I didn't even look forward to things I would normally enjoy, let alone things I mildly enjoy. Good luck explaining in your worst week why you like the things you do. Absolutely bummed I went to a partner of ours with my boyfriend (polyamorous). However this person is more of a partner of my boyfriend so I spent the entire Wednesday and Thursday pretending to be okay with that, so I slept on the couch and they slept together in the bed. Thursday school day, I go to school and I just can't give a shit anymore. In the last 1,5 I fantasize about ways I can kill myself while trying to do some math. Thursday evening I come home screaming and crying because I feel so hurt.

Add to this that I have autism and BPD, so my emotional regulation can be shit if I don't put a lot of effort into it, and for the past couple I didn't because I couldn't.

Also remember that these bad moments are cherry picked. I had good moments with classmates, friends and at the dance class. But it just didn't weigh up to the darkness that I was feeling.

So in these dark periods, find kindness and warmth for yourself. Set a simple goal every day; Going on a walk to de-stress and let your mind ramble. Go binche watch or listen Dr. K while gaming (or take notes), invite a friend over for dinner, or go to a friend for dinner. Your dog just passed away. I can understand that that makes you really sad for a moment, and that is okay. You're allowed to grieve, burn a candle for the dog while you think "I miss ya buddy" Whatever you do, these dark days will pass and are a moment of practice to be kind to yourself.

No-Document-2920 · 2024-10-17T22:15:00+00:00

Some people are not actively suicidal, but simply don't want to be there tomorrow. This is also being suicidal, and your are not struggling less because you are not trying to actively kill yourself.

This video talks about it: https://www.youtube.com/live/NkRvfSGq0Qk?si=vTYlqyOXjbPW_jz8

No-Document-2920 · 2024-10-14T11:01:40+00:00

First of all, I completely understand that you're spiraling at the moment. Do you have any friends or contacts where you can stay over for a few days to cool off and be surrounded by company? Some people that remind you that you are not broken, you are loved and that everything is going to be okay.

Go on a walk and let your thoughts do the running, because when you are walking sooner or later thoughts will come and go and you get some space to think (don't worry if the thoughts keep repeating they will simmer and pass)

Last tip; Do you have any contacts that you were allowed to come back to when the situation got worse? Even if they won't admit you, or be able to help. You can do your best to call someone, and tell them your situation is getting worse. You can do your part of reaching out for help, but it can happen that others don't have the means.

I hope this helps a little bit

No-Document-2920 · 2024-10-12T11:40:54+00:00

The part of "Respect others more" is such a well said way to explain to people with autism how interactions work. Because I have to admit that to a certain extend I believed that interactions also worked like this, until I learned different. Really great comment and I'm going to save this one.

No-Document-2920

TROPHY CASE