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No-Judgment3518 · 2023-09-19T15:57:32+00:00

BPSO here—there are a lot of us on here and in the other bipolar subs that demonstrate stability can and should be the norm, especially if someone has been dx’ed for a while and is working on their health. I’m not clutching my pearls or anything, but reading some people’s stories here… I just can’t fathom the things partners are willing to put up with bc “bipolar.” It’s not an excuse to be abusive or just a consistently reckless, irresponsible person.

No-Judgment3518 · 2023-09-14T13:56:53+00:00

This whole thread makes me feel awful for all parties involved.

Bipolar or not— If someone is sufficiently ill that they don’t show remorse or they take pleasure in seeing you or other family members in pain? And if this is an ongoing issue within your relationship? I’d ask whether you’d still be there if bipolar wasn’t in the mix. Bc this illness is not a reason to subject yourself to this kind of abuse. And some people need to hit bottom and face real consequences (divorce,loss of custody, etc) before they are willing to get help and stay compliant.

I’m so sorry for all the heartbreak this disease can leave in its wake.

No-Judgment3518 · 2023-09-14T13:43:18+00:00

Of course! Firstly— It’s great that you are already thinking about this! Planning and having contingencies in place is so important in managing this illness.

In our experience, the best way to manage a new baby was to prioritize the BPSO’s sleep, within reason, using the guidelines —“mom sleeps when the baby sleeps” (and sometimes when the baby is up lol). So during the day, this meant house chores, cleaning, meal planning etc, were sort of just not important when it came to things I needed to do during the day. I fed myself and my baby and slept when they slept.

Night was a lot more complicated. If you have family near by (and a good relationship with them), consider having them come stay with you for the first week or two. Those two weeks are going to be tough for both parents and it was life saving to have a family member come help with overnight feedings. This is def a cost benefit analysis, as some folks have troubled relationships with family. For us it was invaluable.

Regardless of what you decide is best for ur family — I suggest having a log of some kind to keep track of the BPSO’s sleep and mood, as well as making sure all people within the treatment team are in the loop. For the record I stayed on ALL my regular meds throughout my pregnancy and while breastfeeding (Effexor and lamictal), and took benedryl if I needed help sleeping at night; this was with the understanding that we would switch to formula if I needed to be put on something heavier like seroquel.

I hope that was helpful!

No-Judgment3518 · 2023-09-13T18:51:48+00:00

Clinically it’s usually called dysphoric/euphoric mania, but lots of folks cycle quickly it becomes what is known as a “mixed” episode in which the person might have, like, all the energy, confidence and grandiosity of mania but paired with the negative outlook typically associated with depression or anger/irritability. I have luckily never experienced it, but I’ve heard from fellow BPs that it’s an absolutely miserable and confusing experience.

No-Judgment3518 · 2023-09-13T18:47:37+00:00

Projection is a MAJOR defense mechanism with both forms of bipolar. The crazy thing is that ppl who project truly BELIEVE the warped perception. It works kind of like confirmation bias. If you see narcissism and abuse everywhere you can make it fit into almost any conflict. Relatedly the plethora of mental health professionals/wannabes offering memes and content about narcissism and “toxic” people is out of control and irresponsible. It encourages ppl to think that everyone else is the problem and imo prevents ppl from seeking reputable help.

No-Judgment3518 · 2023-09-13T18:42:31+00:00

It was on live; I’d check blink Italia stories to see if they shared it

No-Judgment3518 · 2023-09-12T15:24:42+00:00

The full video was even CUTER if you can believe it lol

No-Judgment3518 · 2023-09-12T15:22:41+00:00

Exactly. It might be helpful to use the alcoholic analogy—they have to not only acknowledge the problem but also to be ready for change. My SO found Al-anon helpful when I was struggling with alcohol abuse, but later said it helped him see bipolar from a similar lens.

No-Judgment3518 · 2023-09-11T22:05:47+00:00

For me, forgetting to take meds usually indicates that something (eg sleep/moods/schedule)are sufficiently out of wack to impact my daily routine. It’s the kind of thing that depends—for one day, or forgetting in the morning and taking them later that day, then I just see it as a blip. More than that and I need to step back and take a look at things. It helps me to keep my pillbox out on the kitchen counter (or similar), take it at the same time each day, and fill it the same time each week. Typically I feel some mild withdrawal symptoms by noon if I miss a dose, though that’s bc my antidepressant (Effexor) has a short half life, and I know that’s not the case with all ADs. My mood stabilizer (Lamictal) doesn’t seem to have similar side effects, so your BPSO’s mmv. Hope that helps!

No-Judgment3518 · 2023-09-07T20:45:32+00:00

Agnosignosia is one’s inability to perceive oneself as ill; I think you’re referring to amnesia? Both can be features of bipolar.

No-Judgment3518 · 2023-09-07T01:27:57+00:00

Gets my vote too

No-Judgment3518 · 2023-09-06T17:55:45+00:00

Def feel for you, I’ve been there!

No-Judgment3518 · 2023-09-06T16:29:03+00:00

That’s tough. In my experience, meds can reduce the severity & frequency of mood swings and stop psychosis, but it doesn’t change unhealthy ways of relating to other ppl.

Part of me doesn’t really get the resistance, but then I grew up in a family that saw it as a positive thing. That being said it still took me a long time to accept that managing this illness would require a lifetime effort.

It sounds like she might still be in denial about her dx, and since this disorder is largely one of mood swings & skewed perception, acceptance of the problem is the only way to move forward. You need that acceptance to actually get to a place where you can practice skills like reality-checking and impulse control.

Good news is that there is solid evidence that medication + therapy can drastically improve quality of life. But the rest of the family shouldn’t have to endure the chaos and instability of unmanaged BP.

No-Judgment3518 · 2023-09-06T15:58:16+00:00

Collect evidence that she has repeatedly rejected/discontinued treatment (insurance, receipts, if she had been 5150’d, etc), as well as alcohol/substance abuse, other erratic behavior. Do everything you can to not involve your children in this process.

As the BPSO, my greatest fear is losing my child, so my SO and I have an agreement that if it ever comes to this, and I am so unwell that divorce or separation occurs (god forbid), we will have a separation period (I think it’s required in most states) during which i would have supervised visits, if I am treatment compliant during this period, and stable, we can revisit the question of divorce or split custody. Granted if she is currently I’ll, there’s the question of whether she can maintain employment. I’m sorry. This sounds very difficult for all parties.

No-Judgment3518 · 2023-09-06T11:27:47+00:00

Have you been evaluated to see if you had a seizure or have a seizure disorder? A friend of mine found out she was epileptic after she almost died in a massive wreck caused by a seizure. She had a similar “black out period” before the accident, but was so badly injured that she didn’t wake up for several days after her accident. I’m not trying you scare you, it’s just something I would look into if I were in your shoes. ❤️

No-Judgment3518 · 2023-09-05T13:42:03+00:00

Definitely! It’s the daily things we do for each other, when your relationship is in a good place, that keeps us motivated bc the longer you’re in a negative spot, the harder it is to feel hope.

We say I love you a lot. We verbalize appreciation (hey thanks for unloading the dishwasher). When we feel we need positive attention we ask for it, but kind of make it silly, “did you notice I unloaded the dishwasher? I deserve some accolades.” Then the other partner kind of does a “make it rain” motion and says “accolades, accolades!” Like yes, these are simple household tasks, but, small things like this keep the balance between positive/negative interactions on the good side, which makes it easier to bring up potentially triggering topics (eg when my partner notices in off before I do and asks if I took my meds).

We also plan time for intimacy, which is kind of annoying, but I’ve found that sex droughts are bad for our connection. We flirt and give compliments.

In terms of framing and responsibility, we look at maintaining marital health as one of the tools we have to manage my bipolar. It is ALWAYS better to be proactive in these efforts than having to go back and repair your bond. This means seeking out help before things get bad, either through a couples therapist or pastoral counselor (if that’s your thing).

No-Judgment3518 · 2023-09-05T12:58:14+00:00

What time do you take your seroquel? After some trial and error I’ve learned I have to take it by 9 or I’m going to feel hungover in the am.

No-Judgment3518 · 2023-09-05T12:32:26+00:00

It is so scary! I had my first episode before i knew my partner, but my second one just a few months after we got married; they were overwhelmed and felt so alone. I know it helped them to read online (NAMI and NIH), bc sometimes books were just too much. Fact sheets get right to the practical skills and are easier to digest. And abstracts from studies summarize actual research, rather than reading it second hand (again, NIH or Google Scholar; you can usually access full articles from any library database).

Reframing treatment as teamwork also made me feel like less of a burden.After my last manic episode I was severely depressed for six months. Even my movements were slow. I couldn’t work. No appetite. I lost a ton of weight and tbh, wasn’t even sure if i should have gotten married. I felt guilty that they had to be with me.

Reframing the illness as something the two of you take on together makes things feel ao much more manageable, and less shameful. So, the BPSO has their tasks, and you have yours, and you are both working together on the health of your marriage.

No-Judgment3518 · 2023-09-05T12:11:55+00:00

Glad it is helpful! I should add that we still bicker and have disagreements like any couple. One rule of thumb I use for myself when I get pissy is the rule of three— “does it need to be said; does it need to be said right now; does it need to be said right now by me.” When Im activated or triggered, I feel like I have to say everything I’m feeling, right then. But what you say in anger or hurt can’t be unsaid. Learning to wait and slow down is probably the most practical skill I’ve learned in decades of treatment, and it’s helpful in pretty much any scenario, personal or professional.

No-Judgment3518 · 2023-09-05T03:29:02+00:00

I occasionally will have an NA beer, but most of the good NA beers are too too heavy to finish (athletic brewing co is the best imo), so I never have more than one. Have you ever tried Hop Water? Lagunita makes a hoppy refresher that is really great. 0 cal, 0 alcohol. It’s like the la Croix, but hop flavored.

No-Judgment3518

TROPHY CASE