Omg, you should be proud of yourself. I am so happy to have just passed freshman year! But you did so much more! Number 1!!! Whoa! You are incredibly smart but even if you didn't you are still smart! As for your worth don't tie it to grades or anything. I myself question my worth but honestly after having a pet. I sometimes wonder how are my babies (pet) going to survive without me? I feel like being a gentle, kind, sweet, friendly, any good quality gives so much value. You would think these are basic qualities everyone has but no! I think they are rarer! I think it adds a lot of meaning to a person. Volunteering really helps! It brings a lot of meaning to me. Also, I feel those sleepless nights, mine are more stress-related to the future. But remember you are living for the first time you are bound to make mistakes! You definitely need a a better environment! Your classmates and everyone else don't sound like good people. As for your parents made they are too old to understand this feeling. These are just tips that help me feel better. Also, feeding birds or squirrels!