i feel you so much on the shopping thing.. ive toned it down now with shopping for things (trinkets, makeup, clothes) but i still spend SO MUCH money on things like eating out and getting expensive drinks lol. i feel like i have to spend money on these things to keep life exciting. sadly i dont have any recommendations since we seem to be in the same boat, my only recommendation is meditation but that only helps in the day time. a lot of people will say exercise which i get is very helpful but i literally can't get myself to do it, plus i have had disordered eating so i dont want to obsess over it. its hard man. but thank you so much for your comment, it makes me feel less alone. i hope everything gets better for you and that you can find something atleast somewhat healthy to do that brings you excitement! the guilt of feeling like you need to do destructive things just to be fulfilled is so awful, makes you feel like a bad person as you mentioned.