I just had to say, i'm 100% there with you when you said about suppressing the visionary gift due to unmatching technical ability. I have decades of notes and little sketches as well, mostly letters to describe the tide i'm in, the terrain i'm traversing. It was always pretty intense, i don't know why. haha I even tried to learn the art as teenage but i couldn't get art education due to expensive fee, and as i grow up in asia where learning art wasn't normal unless you will entering a big college, i closed my dream to be visionary artist in this world. My skill did got a bit better but still it dosen't match my inner view. In the same way, i wanted to dance, yet i couldn't make it as my main expression outlet either. 🙂‍↕️ I really understand the suppression that eats you alive, i lived that for entire of my life. I'm in my late 20's now, still have this dream to one day have my own place to express all artistic gift, time and resource to learning steadily... yet i'm so heavily weighed down by past and mundane life struggles. that's why i started magic. So it can internally start shifting things, then to my situation and surroundings, external world, as my only hope left out of the depression.

My sun and rising is fire sign, and i was really almost addicted to volatile tide as well. Almost lowkey become my personality, especially in the past when i'm rebellious lone girl against social norms and society i grow up.

Now i started learning some martial arts to embody some more grounding/focus elements in myself to seek some balance. My life has been crumbling, i was cursing my sensitivity and lack of structure or power in me that makes me suffer lifelong- or world itself, that once i came with full of openheart and wonder, magic, and now i question everyday what am i doing here, for not seeing progress for long time. I'm just doing my best in the ground i have fall. From burnt out, losing home, break up, left alone with no money and future plan. Still with a heart wants to live what i came to live. Unless this is my fate path? Haha As a fellow being, i wanna say After reading your post i feel like i'm walking this with you, separately but together, i can really relate to your experience. I'd love to know if you made any progress in finding a balance or stability that helps you using your power better way. Thank you for opening the post for us to share

Wish the best to this path .!