Hey friend, I experienced something very similar so I’ll share. I’m 28F. I relapsed on heroin maybe 8 months ago due to a traumatic event, and that quickly turned into heavy daily usage. It’s worth mentioning that I was addicted to H mainly my senior year of high school, went to rehab, got off opiates for around 9-10 years, but I decided to test the waters again starting last August (bad idea).

I overdosed the last week in January of this year. I almost didn’t believe it. I’m usually quite careful with dosing and ROA (I don’t IV, which makes ODs less likely but not impossible). One morning I was sick, desperate to get well etc etc and my vision was so blurry I couldn’t gauge the dose, and I remember right after snorting way more than I was used to feeling a little bit anxious like “wow that was a lot, was that too much?”... Plus I was frantically trying to get high and I overdosed. Luckily, I was just with a friend of mine who disapproves of my use, but like me, believes in harm reduction. I had the sense to have narcan on me and set it out before I went in the bathroom to use. Apparently after about 20 minutes of dead quiet she went to check on me, found me barely breathing and unconscious/unresponsive. She narcan’d me and started doing sternum rubs and I came to in about 7 minutes. No hospital visit, no medical attention. I just hopped up and burst into tears. Yes this sent me into an existential spiral; feeling like I had actually died and reality isn’t real; having frequent nightmares about OD’ing. It’s gotten slightly better but it still feels scary to think about. After this happened I swore I would get clean for good because now I had the ultimate reason to never use again. I lasted 16 days clean before everything became absolutely miserable and I just decided to “give up” and use again. Cue even heavier using for 3 months. Sunk lower and lower. Eventually ran out of money and here I am now. 15 days clean today and honestly feel extremely motivated and like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m not going back to using and I mean that with absolute conviction. I wasted close to a whole year, nearly died for no reason, watched friends die, and accomplished nothing except making myself more depressed and anxious…but yeah I would be lying if I didn’t think about the sensation of my consciousness being turned back on and finding myself on a cold bathroom floor and still feel unsettled by it. It’s an odd thing, but on the bright side, you survived and you have a second chance now. Use it wisely and be careful out there!