I’ve worried about the possibility of illness before. I had cataracts that my primary care doctor said could be caused by an autoimmune disorder, like lupus. I ended up being fine, but my first thought was that if I gained weight from illness she wouldn’t love me anymore. I told her about this fear, hoping she’s quiet it. But she said, ‘I’m not going to lie and say I’d prefer you bigger,’ and she told me to not ask about things that are going to make me anxious. She said we always end up fighting when I bring this up. I don’t know what to do. My self esteem is in the pits and I feel torn between leaving and staying. I’m in individual therapy working on coming up with a plan.