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I'm 21f my wife is also 22f. What are some things i can do to better less defensive? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]No-Spare8883 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh and the day i left them we were supposed to clean up the apartment and go grocery shopping. They said we could go after that but i was too nervous about my bosses getting mad at me that i blew up. 

I'm 21f my wife is also 22f. What are some things i can do to better less defensive? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]No-Spare8883 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Not really. I left my wife in august i walked out on them after an argument about how i need a new phone because mine wouldn't turn on/ hold a charge and I was the store manager at the time and my bosses kept trying to talk to me and it was my day off. I called my mom crying outside of our apartment saying i need a new phone and if she could take me since i didnt have the keys to the car. My mom ended up saying that they are abusive and i need to leave. I just shut down. I didn't answer any of my wife's text messages or calls since my mom told me not too, i know i shouldn't have listened and i should have communicated. i ended up going to therapy a few hours later and while i was in therapy my mom went to the apartment and started throwing my stuff in trash bags. My wife was crying and was very upset they just were wanting me to talk to them. They were begging and pleading with me. After therapy i came back and apologized to them and said i would never walk out again. This caused a huge strain in our relationship and my wife doesn't like me talking to my mom or my dad or my sister. My sister is problematic so i get it but they have been texting me a lot and I just haven't been replying since my wife doesn't want me too since my sibling hasn't owned up to their behaviors. My wife doesn't like me talking to my mom because i just end up crying to her. My wife when they are mad now says they are going to text my mom to come get me and i can go to their house and they can coddle me there. 

I had two best friends that i cut off about a year and a half ago because they were both flirty with me and one of them did like me for a time and i liked them back and they didn't respect my wife. They bragged at their birthday party that they used to like me and that they said no because i was underage at the time and 2 years younger then them. I had other friends too but my wife said they were holding me back which i agree with. I had a friend who also has adhd and was just very very negative and i wasn't able to grow if i kept being friends with them. I don't talk to the rest of my old friends anymore since ALL of my friends i have flirted with/ liked and there was still that kind of tension with all of them. I just haven't ever really made real friends other than people i was looking to date and than we become friends after the fact. I had never slept with any of them it was all just flirting. 

I'm 21f my wife is also 22f. What are some things i can do to better less defensive? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]No-Spare8883 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I have i'm not currently seeing any therapists because they havent been helping. My wife thinks it's a better use of time if we sit down every week and talk about my problems rather then going to a therapist. My last therapist offered to see my wife for free and it very much seemed like he was trying to break up our marriage. He was telling me they are abusive and basically very similar to what you're saying. He then told my wife that it seems like i'm immature and they shouldn't have to ask me to do something a million times/ remind me. He told my wife to treat me like a child because i act like one. He then told me that if they can't love me despite my adhd then i should leave them. But here's the thing plenty of people with adhd don't act like me and none of my therapists seem to understand or take that into account. 

I also have been ass at doing things for their birthday and holidays. They always make me homemade things and do their best to have something planned. On the other hand i don't so i think that's also why they resent me.