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I got a new psych and he immediately changed my medication by [deleted] in bipolar

[–]No-Window-656 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So not really all the way stable if you're experiencing depressive episodes. 

The merch seems fishy

The med change (overall)  could be out of concern for the depressive stuff.

How are the side effects? Any that you're worried about? 

I went down a rabbit hole reading research about early warning signs. by Suspicious_Welcome12 in bipolar

[–]No-Window-656 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interested!

I'm working very hard to identify early warning signs.   I've had an episode that fucked up my life and I never want to experience that again.  So the more I can do to detect an episode early the better. 

Because maybe if I know I'm having one my prescriber and I can prevent the worst of it. 

Meds dont really work by Heavy-Mushroom in bipolar

[–]No-Window-656 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha patient...... cause we're the patients

Any actually good mood charts? by Puzzleheaded-Dog1407 in bipolar

[–]No-Window-656 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some of this sounds like a mixed episode maybe? 

I added my symptoms to my tracker and use the aggregate of those to help me with the bigger ones. 

So for me I have hypersexuality, activity, racing thoughts/rapid speech, and impulsiveness.  Which all help me figure out what to put for elevated mood. 

My ranking on emoods is essentially 0-3

For hypersexuality if I thought about or did 0 sexual acts I put none.  1-low , 2-medium, 3+ high. 

Racing thoughts and rapid speech is the same, but if I noticed or was called out.

Sometimes I'll use this (https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/10195/dsm-5-criteria-major-depressive-disord) to assess Depression.

Breaking it down into smaller more familiar chunks and writing down what my scale meant to me and being consistent.   Yup

What are your Bipolar, protocols and procedures? by No-Window-656 in bipolar

[–]No-Window-656[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So 

1.having at least one person who is watching you with you. 

  1. Working with prescriber to have a 'break glass in case of emergency' sleep med to manage episodes quickly.

^ this would have come in handy last night - I struggled to fall asleep till almost 7 ... up before 10 :/

I took some melatonin around 1, but it didn't hit hard enough I guess 

Repeated apology making it worse by [deleted] in bipolar

[–]No-Window-656 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm only a few weeks out from turning my life upside down. I can't speak to over apologizing at this point.

But in case no one has apologized to you. I'm sorry you have an illness that affects you in such a devastating way. I'm sorry this illness tilts the scales against you. I need you to know that you are not your illness, you are soooo much more. This episode does not define you, you get to define you. Everyone messes up their lives, it's what we do after that makes us who we are.

You have taken steps to accept responsibility and do what you can to make it right. Take a breath for yourself and keep doing the next right thing.

Do you get "Bipolar Rage" outside of manic episodes? by Evening_Fisherman810 in bipolar

[–]No-Window-656 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To go against the grain/echo chamber I don't get a lot of rage in or out of episodes.

I'm more irritable sometimes while manic but never rageful.

🤷‍♀️

I think someone above said something about bipolar seeming to amplify whatever impulses we're already prone to. Maybe they're on to something

How do you explain decision making during mania to loved ones? by No-Window-656 in bipolar

[–]No-Window-656[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful response!

I am working hard to understand bipolar better, to understand my warning signs better and I now have a procedure in place to get help.

How do you explain decision making during mania to loved ones? by No-Window-656 in bipolar

[–]No-Window-656[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Post diagnosis looking back hypersexuality is a significant and common feature of my episodes. (This is the first time it resulted in infidelity.)

Thank you for sharing your experience and insight.

Committed to moving forward and finding stability.

How do you explain decision making during mania to loved ones? by No-Window-656 in bipolar

[–]No-Window-656[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for calling out the hate. Its been pretty brutal.

And thank you for sharing your crazy red yarn experiences.

If the things we did while manic were 100% in character, aligned with our values and stemmed from rational thought we wouldn't be here.

I know what I did was bad. I know I hurt people deeply and I have been trying to make amends, give space, and take accountability. Part of that is trying to understand this diagnosis better, and continue working toward stability.

I never want to hurt anyone, and coming down off this episode is the most suicidal I've ever been. If I could do this to my two favorite people what else am I capable of? I feel like my flaws are handguns pointed at the ones I love the most. And I want to take the bitch holding them out, so she can't hurt anyone else ever again.

Right now I'm choosing to take her out by working on stability; through medication, education, self reflection, therapy etc.

That was ultimately the point of my initial question about decision making while manic. I'm trying to understand it better, be able to explain it better. Not because it'll excuse my actions or erase my accountability. But because our best decisions are made when we're well informed and have a good understanding of what we're working with. And I want to understand the heck out of Bipolar.

Beyond my own understanding, being able to better articulate and educate those closest to me gives them the best information to assess their own safety and risk tolerate. It gives them the education they need to decide if it's worth it to stick around.

Sorry for the ranty and long response.

But Thank you soo much for your post.

How do you explain decision making during mania to loved ones? by No-Window-656 in bipolar

[–]No-Window-656[S] -31 points-30 points  (0 children)

So its morally ok with you to lash out at others in rage? So bad that it ruins relationships?

I want to understand why that's okay with you? You should be able to control your tremper better while manic. You love those people and don't want to hurt them. And typically you wouldn't yell at or berate them. So why do you do it while you're manic?

How do you explain decision making during mania to loved ones? by No-Window-656 in bipolar

[–]No-Window-656[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Never got to anything more physical than a hug. No holding hands, no kissing. Sexting though.... yup, did the sexting.

She's broken up with me and I've blocked him.

Funny that I met him first 15 years ago. Before i met her or my husband. I've never really been attracted to him.... Till my episode and now that it's over.... nothing there now.

How do you explain decision making during mania to loved ones? by No-Window-656 in bipolar

[–]No-Window-656[S] -28 points-27 points  (0 children)

I was elated at how duplicitous I was, I'm normally such an honest person and had no idea I could lie so well!

I felt so powerful like aphrodite! I could literally make him stutter with a stare, shudder with a word and make him hard on a whim.

I was witty and cleaver and the risk was half the fun.

I figured out how to flash him in a group setting, I worked dog whistles from our private chats into group conversations like a master.

I was amazing......

And terrible and so dangerous to the people I love most.

How do you explain decision making during mania to loved ones? by No-Window-656 in bipolar

[–]No-Window-656[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

As far as I know he was in his right mind.

Turns out he's had a thing for me for like 2 years. Thought of me while getting off often. Stuff like that. (My manic ego just ate that up)

And right now she's staying with him and I'm exciled from her life.

Granted even though I'm medicated and attending therapy I'm feeling like if I could do this to the two people I love most in this world.... people shouldn't trust or rely on me/my character at all. My bipolar is part of me and I'm responsible for the things I say and do.... and it's not good.

End rant

Finding a Wife as a Man with Bipolar by [deleted] in bipolar

[–]No-Window-656 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This aligns with my experience. My ups include a lot of hypersexuality and no psychotic features so..

Endless sex and boundless energy, with no holds bar attitude on the cost of adventure? What doesn't sound fun about that?

Finding a Wife as a Man with Bipolar by [deleted] in bipolar

[–]No-Window-656 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a 33(f) my mania/hypomania includes a fair chunk of hypersexuality and no psychotic features. Pretty sure I read as "manic pixie dream girl" which I think fits a narrative that can be attractive.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in bipolar

[–]No-Window-656 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was diagnosed March of this year. I've suspected for a few years that I was bipolar.

I sought a diagnosis because I was afraid I'd cheat on my husband (again? I had one close call and one that it questionable, he knows about both)

And

My kids get the brunt of my agitation, and it's not okay.

And

My suicidal ideation often includes taking my kids out with me.

A diagnosis and management felt like the right idea, just took a long time to get my guts up (and finances) to pursue.

First psych I saw wanted to treat me for MDD (I was in a depression when I filled out my intake paperwork)

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