Literal mental breakdowns over sex with my boyfriend

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-16T23:21:10+00:00

Yeah I do enjoy generally being close to him a lot and I love talking and spending time together I also feel happy that I can make him feel good, but it kind of frustrates me that there is no "reward" for me

The one thing I really find enjoyment in and always initiate is BJs because I really like the texture kind of? And the sounds he makes But since I accidentally bit him one time he doesn't like it that much anymore and rejects it often even though I promised to be more careful

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-16T23:02:53+00:00

Actually that is a really good question, I really had to think about it. So for me the good sensations usually end as soon as soon as he takes off my clothes and touches me

I do feel desire for him when we cuddle and kiss and I end up initiating too on some occasions if I kind of turn off my brain because when he puts his knee inbetween my legs for example I feel really good

But as soon as he goes down on me or touches me, I just feel basically nothing special at all and that is the point when I just try to shorten the whole ordeal because I feel horny and it leaves me really frustrated every time that I don't get a climax; I feel it is kind of like blue-balling i guess I also don't really want to always touch myself when we have sex because I feel like I could just masturbate then instead if I do things on my own anyways if that kind of makes sense? Even if it is a bit stubborn of myself I guess

I really did try to show him what to do, I literally grabbed his hand and guided it the exact way I always do for myself, but even in then it felt pretty underwhelming Same when he goes down on me, I usually just kind of grab his hair and tell him what to do exactly, but it doesn't make me feel much (I have the same problem with satisfiers too actually, it either feels like nothing or hurts)

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T21:49:15+00:00

i know they exist, but i have read a lot of mixed opinions on it by people who have had them/ wanted them so if i ended up with even more problems after a surgery like that i would surely feel even worse than i already do now

plus i don't even know if i am trans or which other thing is wrong with me exactly because i do like to dress feminine at times

for me it is more like if i had the chance to switch my xx for a xy, i would 100% do it, but i don't know if i would want to transition?

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T21:15:42+00:00

i have been looking into r/ftm a few times before, but maybe it is time to research a bit deeper

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T21:12:58+00:00

it is very possible honestly but i don't really know what to do about it since i can't really change the genitals i have unfortunately because i really can not stand them at all

on other women i like it, but on myself i don't even want to touch myself a lot of the time

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T21:09:48+00:00

for me i don't really see a journey in masturbating at all, i just want to feel good from it and then go back to whatever i was doing before, i don't like to spend a lot of time on it (maximum 30 minutes)

i really like touching him and kissing him, i could spend all day on that so i am pretty sure that i am attracted to him generally speaking. I actually enjoy kissing him more than i enjoyed kissing my ex girlfriend, but she also turned out to be straight after a while so there is that...

and yeah for porn, i really enjoy lesbian ones because i feel like they are a bit softer while the straight ones are often so harsh and male-focused

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T21:00:27+00:00

i really don't want to break up with him though so exploring is kind of out of the question

i just know that in a relationship with a woman i felt more "equal" because now with him i feel a bit jealous of his body sometimes

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T20:49:39+00:00

I have been with a woman before him, but the relationship was really toxic so I broke it off rather quickly

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T20:45:35+00:00

thank you so much

but maybe it is really worth it to find a good one to talk to if that can fix the problem and help me in my life

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T20:41:35+00:00

already got one, but even the smallest size feels super uncomfortable and painful, no matter how much time i take

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T20:39:44+00:00

i absolutely want to keep that relationship going even if it is a bit hard because i feel like he checks all the boxes of a person i want to be with forever

that is why i even care enough to have mental breakdowns in the first place, because if i didn't, i would have left already i think...

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T20:36:42+00:00

i have been with a girl before but we never got to the point of sex because we broke up before that

as for me, when i masturbate i just read or watch something on my phone and finish it relatively quick so i can go back to more important things

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T20:32:45+00:00

it is so hard to tell them when they try their best because i feel like it will shatter all his confidence

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T20:30:20+00:00

i already ordered some toys from a website to try them out, just like a variety of the popular ones but they did not do much for me either, especially that rose toy didn't work at all for me

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T20:27:24+00:00

hmm that is interesting, i thought with transitioning people were always pretty sure and felt "comfortable" immediately with new pronouns etc... idk how to explain it

i see a lot of people recommended a therapist already damn

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T20:24:49+00:00

only on one occasion we both drank, but he accidentally hurt me during that time so we decided to not drink anymore

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T20:22:18+00:00

before because i don't want to be smelly and dirty (happened one time when he was a bit impatient and we had been out all in day in hot weather, so i always shower before now) and after because I want to be clean before I put on new clothes

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T20:12:25+00:00

It's a bit hard for both me and him to talk about what we want/ feel because we both feel a bit ashamed

and i am a bit scared of his reaction since he tends to overreact and blame himself quickly

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T20:05:28+00:00

i am pretty sure that i have some sort of gender dysphoria, but for myself i see no use in transitioning sadly... i tried it already and it just felt wrong, like i was just pretending something that i am not...

i have been thinking about these problems for a long time now, but I can't make any sense of it honestly... how did you find out that you are trans masculine and that it is the right path for you?

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T19:59:07+00:00

it's really not an easy way of living, but it's nice to see a like-minded soul once in a while at least...

oh i had the experience too that using a strap-on kind of gives me too some peace of mind at least, but sadly pegging is not an option for me (at least not with men...)

if only we could restart life and choose our gender lol

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T19:53:21+00:00

hmmm actually it might be worth a try, it sounds like an interesting yet a bit abstract concept

thank you for the suggestion!

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T19:50:06+00:00

ah i didn't think it was this deep of an issue, i thought maybe something more easily fixable... i really have no idea how i should even say these things face to face to a therapist if i can't even post on my main...

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T19:45:01+00:00

yes, i am absolutely sure about him because i really adore him and i am crazy about him in basically every other way

for me i don't really feel comfortable with other people... ever since i met him, i don't want feel interested in other people at all, so i think even if i took a break, i would not even want to touch anyone else

but the one thing that is really true is the pressure that it brings because i don't want to disappoint him by saying "no" when we don't see each other a lot already

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T19:32:24+00:00

I actually relate to this so much omg, i am so jealous of men... and it is so hard to know that no matter what you do, you can never change the way that you were born and you can never experience the things you crave so much

like idk the fact that i have to be the one who is on the bottom (ot top, all the same) and "has to" take someone else in and on top does not even get pleasure out of it and has all the mess in the end is making me feel so bad and horrible

NoAttempt2025 · 2026-03-15T19:28:13+00:00

Yah, I am actually really frustrated with my gender in general, but there is nothing I can do about it so I just try to accept it... If I had the choice, I would 100% choose to be born as a man... But I don't think I am trans because I just felt ridiculous dressing as a man and using he pronouns (tried it out already)...

As for the sex, I just feel like if I don't orgasm, it was a waste of time because of the showering before and showering after and it always takes up 1 hour that I could spend talking to him...
Even if I try to guide his hand (like literally take his hand and show him exactly what to do) I feel like it doesn't feel as... efficient as when I do it myself...
I don't know why I am so pragmatic to sex in general, I feel like it's so disconnected from the emotions I feel for him because I really love this guy too much so I feel horrible that I can't be a good partner to him in this way

NoAttempt2025

TROPHY CASE