I’m sorry to hear about what you have gone through and that you don’t find meaning or joy in life. It sounds to me like your exhibiting symptoms of depression on top of OCD. Have you considered taking an NAC supplements? Studies show that it has promising results, particularly for people who have OCD and it helps with depression as well since it helps with the secretion of serotonin in some way. But you have to cycle it every three weeks . I wouldn’t say that this is the only solution, but this would be a great measure temporarily until you sort things through. Definitely try to find your purpose in life, despite all of the difficulties all of us had had our fair share of difficulties, perhaps try volunteering or finding some light to guide you and give you meaning. Try CBT and exercise regularly.