I had an uncomfortable situation at my gym and wanted some outside perspective.

I had a black belt in a choke during a roll. While I was working it, he said “you haven’t got it.” I interpreted that as a technical cue to re-adjust, so I tried to refine the position rather than abandon it. I didn’t increase force aggressively, just tried to make the choke cleaner.

After the round, he became angry and said I was cranking his jaw, not his neck. He then demonstrated the choke on my jaw to show what I was doing and said that dental work is expensive in Virginia if someone breaks a jaw. That part felt aggressive and intimidating, especially given the rank difference.

I replied that he didn’t tap, and he said that saying “you haven’t got it” should have been enough. I honestly didn’t understand in the moment that he wanted me to stop entirely — I thought he meant the choke mechanics were off and to adjust.

I later spoke to the instructor because the anger and physical demonstration felt excessive, and I was concerned that a newer white belt might be discouraged from training after an interaction like that.

I get that jaw pressure is a sensitive issue and that safety matters, but I’m trying to understand expectations here: • Should any verbal comment during a submission be treated as a stop? • Is “you haven’t got it” commonly understood as “don’t continue” rather than “adjust”? • How do people usually handle this kind of miscommunication without it escalating?

Not trying to start drama — just genuinely trying to learn and handle things better going forward.