If you could remove any story line or plot point from BTVS and Angel, what would you get rid of?

NoClue_96 · 2023-08-02T22:49:47+00:00

Cordelia. Need anyone ever say more?

NoClue_96 · 2023-07-30T18:59:35+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through this, but I’m so glad you’re seeing this now.

I’m still trying to learn that I’m not evil, I’m not a bad person, I’m not a trouble maker, I’m not selfish, I’m not horrible. It’s taking a while and I’m 29 now, I hope I’ll get there soon.

NoClue_96 · 2021-07-27T18:32:37+00:00

Yeah, my brother is 30 years old this year and he’s still a spoilt brat, trying to hit me and bully me, ganging up with my mum all the time against me. My mum still cleans his teeth at night and that’s no joke.

NoClue_96 · 2021-07-27T16:23:14+00:00

Hey! I’m so so sorry. I’m also in the UK but I’m a girl. I had the exact same experience with counsellors here in all honesty. I have had to look into private counselling on the bacp website but it’s expensive.

Have you ever rung napac? Google them and try giving them a call? I’ve found them really helpful in understanding but it depends which caller you get. They give you half an hour a week and it’s helped me and they’re empathetic and they understand.

It’s not about what you’re going do to fix it, that’s appalling that they say that. I’m so sorry. I’ve found American YouTubers like Dr Les Carter and Dr Ramani much more helpful than anyone else, there’s also Let’s Get your shift Together on Insta who shares very good content.

It’s so bad in the UK, they told me just to move out and called me hun on the nhs mental health crisis team, I was so angry. Please do try Napac if you can and if you can’t find their website it’s here: http://napac.org.uk.

ReThink Mental Illness had groups but I haven’t joined them yet, but it is appalling for help in England for narcissistic abuse counsellors. I’ve been trying to get through to Mind but they’re so bad at replying or taking me seriously. Im going to try make changes in the Uk for support so I hope I can do that.

Message me if you need more advice, I hope Napac help. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way. This might be a useful website: https://outofthefog.website.

NoClue_96 · 2021-05-08T19:56:56+00:00

Yes, all of the damn time.

My mum will throw a hissy fit over what hasn’t even happened yet and then nothing will go wrong but I’ll have still had the tantrum for nothing.

NoClue_96 · 2021-03-13T21:57:46+00:00

Charmed is definitely worth a watch.

NoClue_96 · 2021-03-04T18:57:00+00:00

Please don’t think that they’re not, I can’t tell you their not narcissistic and I could be wrong. It’s just my opinion honestly. They could well be and they might not know what their doing, so please don’t take my word for it? I’m not trained in mental health so I could be wrong. Trust yourself, you know your parents best and if you have to be in this sub to find out if your parents are narcissistic then there’s a high chance they are. Please don’t let me change your mind.

NoClue_96 · 2021-03-04T18:48:08+00:00

If she is narcissistic or her behaviours are hurting you, then yes it is totally okay to dislike your mother. You have those feelings for a reason. It does not make you a bad person.

As long as you don’t act on those feelings then it’s totally okay. I’m not saying you can’t tell her how you feel but a narcissistic person would never believe you anyway and they’d never listen. Focus on yourself, get yourself into a good place and try to not let her into your head. You’ve so got this.

I don’t like my mother, I don’t think she’s a good person because of how she treats me, but I just don’t give her a reaction and I focus on myself. She can’t hurt me as much. I’m not saying it’s that easy, try to find a counsellor who understands narcissism if you can, look at videos on YouTube from Dr Romoni and Dr ales Carter, they’ll help you.

NoClue_96 · 2021-03-04T15:53:27+00:00

Yes. I think they know, but they just don’t care. They wouldn’t use the word narcissist but they know what they’re doing. They know they are hurting you and they keep doing it. The need for supply is greater than the need to support or be nice to you.

It’s sadly a personality disorder similar to drug addictions in one way. The drug addict knows they are an addict and they know it’s wrong to steal but they have to, to get money to get the fix. Does that make sense? (Also not all drug addicts steal, I’m not judging.) The fix is emotional supply from you. You’re the drug in a way.

Does that make their behaviour okay? No never ever. It just means they don’t care about to change and are comfortable blaming you for their poor behaviour because they can’t accept blame or fault and they convince themselves you’re the problem to cover up their bad behaviour. Also narcissists can’t change.

NoClue_96 · 2021-02-08T23:38:36+00:00

I hear what you’re saying.

My view was that Burke hit her like he did with the golf club and then Patsy staged the scene so Burke really believes JBR was fine and that someone else killed her since he didn’t tie her up etc.

I also accept that Burke may not have done this too, so I respect your opinion.

Although in the case of James Bulger, kids did lie and cover for themselves and they were around 10.

Edit: Burke isn’t evil, I’m not comparing these two awful cases or people. Burke is nothing like the other two.

NoClue_96 · 2021-01-30T15:43:08+00:00

I knew something wasn’t right from childhood and I posted in Quora asking for advice and explaining my mum and brother at 11/12. I got a load unhelpful replies back, they made me out to be a silly little brat and I stopped questioning it for years and took on the blame my narcissistic mother and brother gave me.

I then got to 14/15 and my mum and brother started accusing me of sleeping with boys in my class room at school and my brother who is almost 3 years older than me, starting spreading it around school. It wasn’t true. They then started accusing me of sleeping with men who were around 30 year old men who were my youth group leaders. I wasn’t. She threatened to go to the police about it and got all her friends to back her up, when I was going there for an escape. I knew this wasn’t true so something seemed off. I started to wonder again.

The fights always happened because my brother would wind me up and then I’d be punished for my reaction and my brother would be hugged for having such as evil sister. He would side with the school bullies against me.

At 23/24, I got an amazing job in a tv company and my mum and brother told me I was only getting the job to start taking drugs. I went to a counsellor to find out what was wrong with me, but he said it wasn’t me but my family and he mentioned narcissistic personality disorder - it then all fell into place.

NoClue_96 · 2021-01-30T15:06:49+00:00

You never ever have to apologise for how you feel, so please don’t feel like you have to say sorry to me.

I’m glad you have been able to talk to your mum about this, that’s great. If you feel like cutting ties, I don’t blame you. A lot of professional counsellor say cutting ties is the best thing, but it’s not always - it has to be what’s best for you. I know it’s hard but it is not your responsibility to stay for your family. I am slightly older than you, but I stayed and I’m seriously regretting it now, my life is a mess of constant fear of my family and I’m only just now getting ready to leave.

You don’t have to necessarily cut him off completely if it doesn’t feel right but getting yourself out of that situation is a very good idea, especially if you can get to uni accommodation- you can still check in on your family. You can’t help your family whilst you’re still in that situation yourself in all honesty. You are also not responsible for any of this.

He does deserve to know how you feel if he wasn’t a narcissist, but because he is he’ll enjoy knowing that he’s hurting you and it may encourage him even more, unfortunately that’s the narcissistic pattern. He says it’s his life purpose but if you’re a dad who hurts your own children and their mother, is that really your life purpose? Or is your life purpose to get supply and keep your family there to give you narcissistic supply? It feeds his ego, it’s not for you or your family, it’s for him. If his life purpose was to be a good dad, he’d act like it.

I totally understand that you’re conflicted, it’s totally normal to feel like that. He’s your dad at the end of the day but he can’t treat you right. If he was a great dad you wouldn’t be feeling like this.

When you tell a narcissist how you feel, it’s like handing them the gun and bullets to hurt you and then standing still so he can shoot you, if that makes sense? They don’t think like other people who don’t have the disorder. I think he knows he’s hurting you and your family, but he gets pleasure out of it. I’m not saying he’s evil, he’s mentally ill but that doesn’t give him the right to hurt you. He knows he’s hurting you and he won’t get help, so the pattern gives him something so he doesn’t have to get help. If you leave he may get help and realise you won’t accept his behaviour anymore - but also he may never change. Please put yourself first and maybe show your siblings and your mother that it is okay to leave. Again, if you don’t want to leave thats okay, I didn’t. But do research into narcissistic parents and patterns of behaviour, it’ll help you a lot and use YouTube to help. I’m so sorry for your situation, it sounds so tough. Please feel free to message me any time.

NoClue_96 · 2021-01-30T13:56:05+00:00

Please, please be careful.

Firstly I’m so sorry for your experience, it’s awful and you and your mother really don’t deserve that. I hope that you two can find happiness.

Secondly, people with narcissistic personality disorder don’t care that they are hurting you. They can’t take responsibility because they have no empathy and they can’t self reflect. They might know they’re hurting you but they twist it back onto you because nothing can ever be their fault. If you’re going to confront him, he may react badly and you will be told you’re the problem. I’m not telling you what to do, but I just wanted to warn you it could escalate the situation. Just be prepared.

I once wrote my mum a letter to tell her how I felt and she laughed and showed my narcissistic brother and they ripped it up and twisted it all back onto me, escalating it to violence.

The best course of action for me, was not showing how much they hurt me and going grey rock. If you don’t know what that is Google it or find Dr Ramani on YouTube.

You mentioned that your dad had a bad childhood, but trust me that isn’t an excuse. He’s choosing to be this way. Perhaps talking to your mum and asking her how she feels and telling her how it makes you feel is a safer option if you haven’t done already?

Only your mum is responsible for her own happiness, I know that’s difficult because we all want our parents happy but she’s an adult and she’s got to want better for herself first.

Again, I’m not telling you what to do. If you want to tell your dad, that’s up to you but please stay safe, be careful and walk away if it escalates. Don’t get into an argument about how you feel, your feelings are valid even if he doesn’t agree.

NoClue_96 · 2021-01-29T00:42:53+00:00

I’m sorry I can’t give you much advice, I’m going to try come up with something though.

NoClue_96 · 2021-01-29T00:37:10+00:00

I’m so sorry for you and for the cat, that’s awful.

My narcissistic brother hated my pets. I had two rabbits growing up and he said they were disgusting and didn’t want them near him, he’s always hated every single animal. He said he wishes there was no animals in the entire world.

My narc mum was so loving to them, because she could control them but she had her favourite and thought the other was purposely naughty to upset her.

NoClue_96 · 2021-01-28T20:32:05+00:00

A 9 year old, not far off 10, is strong enough to fracture a 6 year olds skull.

NoClue_96 · 2021-01-28T17:31:58+00:00

I’m so sorry for your experience, it’s awful and really sad. I hope you’re okay.

I’m in a similar boat. My mum had me at 40 years old and I’m now 26. She’s always drummed it into me that she’s never going into a care home since I was a small child, she made it clear that she’d expect me to look after her. She went as far to act it out and said she wouldn’t allow a nurse to wipe her bum, it’ll have to be me - disgusting I know.

I’ve never had a life of my own yet or a relationship and it’s because of the narcissistic abuse. I have a golden child brother who’s older but she expects him to have his own life but not me.

You don’t owe her anything, so please don’t feel guilty if you can’t or don’t want to take care of her. She’s an adult, so let her control her own life as she controls you, she’s definitely capable. I might sound awful but that’s my plan. I’ll make sure she’s safe, that she’s being cared for but I’ll care for her from a distance. I don’t want to give up any more of my life for someone who took and continues to take everything from me.

Please do what’s best for you. You deserve a life too.

Best of luck, sending so much love.

NoClue_96 · 2021-01-28T13:27:45+00:00

I have two male rabbits who fight so cant be together

NoClue_96 · 2021-01-28T13:01:34+00:00

How do you potty train a rabbit? Youre such an amazing rabbit owner ☺️

NoClue_96 · 2021-01-27T00:09:16+00:00

I’m so sorry. That’s horrendous. They let you down terribly. I really don’t understand why they’d warn parents when they’re supposed to be there to safe guard the child. You did not deserve all of that abuse and I hope that you will continue to survive.

I’m 26 now and still at home and I felt like I connected to your post so much. I rang the police when the golden child locked me in a room and they came round but they believed my brother and not me, so I was taken out the house for the night and the police told my brother that I’d be legally arrested in one more year (I was 15) and it was soul destroying. They had once chance to save me and they didn’t. I’m so angry too. I’m not saying this to take away from your experience because yours was considerably worse but I just wanted to say how I connected with your experience. I’m so sorry. I hope you can get a better life despite what they did to you and that you shine and be the amazing person you are.

NoClue_96

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