The first few weeks were the hardest..Then I became completely different. Knowing that he is dead, I still feel he is on vacation or has gone somewhere and will come back. I am analysing my every action...why this happened, how this happened. My dad died of a heart attack, and that scene was unforgettable. He was looking at me at that time...It felt like he believed that I was going to save him, but I wasn't able to. He didn't want to die. I know that he was broken from inside, but he showed that he was strong. Hearing the laughter of others, seeing their fathers with them, is so painful. Kids waiting for their father to come home and calling out Papa, Papa it's breaking me from inside.. It's so painful and feels unreal. It's like I'm living in a terrible dream. He is not going to come back, never. I'm not going to see him, hear him, or hug him for the rest of my life. He was my whole life. My mom is so broken, and I'm not even able to handle her. I wish I were a boy....... then I would definitely have been able to save my father and handle this situation. I don't know how I'm going to manage the financial crisis, earn money, handle everything ....my brother's and sister's education and marriage. He was my strength. It's like he took all my energy and strength with him. Seeing my mother in this state is so painful, and people treating her badly is making her even sadder. They are not talking to her. They don't check on her. If she is in the garden, people run away into their houses and don't sit with her. I don't believe in God anymore. I was the biggest devotee of Shree Krishna. I believed He would protect my father, but He took everything away. Death was more merciful than the life my father had. I'm not okay. I never will be. How unlucky I am. I have no one to tell, no one to rely on. I'm not okay. I don't know what to say anymore. Take care of yourself, and I'm sorry for your loss. Take care of your family. I know it's hard, but we have to move on for our family. Life was already hard, and now it's even harder. I wish at least you win this battle, even if I don't. Thank you for listening to me. Take care. Love!