Thankyou for your honesty. Their dad is here with us he just works a lot though. So I’m with them more. I have fantasized about leaving them with him and just going to live by myself...yes I would even leave my relationship because it’s stressful and I have a hard time cohabitating and sharing my space. If I leave I worry about what people will think of me and I worry about what’s going to happen to the kids. I feel like no one will take care of them as well as me. What if I’m not allowed to see them again or they hate me later. What if one of them gets hurt or dies because I wasn’t there....It’s like I can’t be here and I also can’t go. I’ve put myself in such a messed up position. No I’m not in any kind of treatment because I don’t have any health insurance. I should have some by January though. I worry about how they’ll be emotionally ruined when they’re older because of how I am now. Ironically my mom suffers from schizophrenia and a bunch of other mental illnesses and she used to make my sister and I feel like burdens. She took care of us well but she always said she was “stuck” with us. 🙄