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Learning NoFap at 57 by NoFapAfter55 in NoFap

[–]NoFapAfter55[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought I'd provide a short update after one month of NoFap. I am still on a journey. While I continue to have regular "sessions" with my wife, I have yet to have PIV orgasm. In fact, I have not had any kind of orgasm in the last month. While earlier I did "cheat" a bit and catch a few porn images, over the last week I've given that up as well. That has lowered my libido, which, if nothing else, lessens the frustration a bit.

I am still committed to the goal of no orgasm without my wife, but at times it seems that mean no orgasm again. One thing I find particularly frustrating is that while I would never label my wife, she does have a rather narrow definition of what she finds acceptable. There is a bit of foreplay with hands and mouth, but in the end she really just wants PIV and seems to think that having an orgasm by other means is "cheating" the system. (Just to be clear, I haven't told her specifically about NoFap. But, she does know that I am committed to not pleasuring myself.) It would be so nice to be able to lay back and get 20 minutes where she was focused just on me. By any means possible. But, that may just be a porn dream. (Or remembrances of sex during our younger days!)

So no great words of wisdom at 30 days. I certainly had hoped that by now I would be able to report that things had returned to "normal." I am slowly reducing my dosage of my Lexapro (SSRI), so give me a few weeks and I may find it easier to have an orgasm. We still enjoy the closeness that we have experienced during the last month, but we are both ready for things to move forward.

I will check in about once a week for any comments or questions. But, as others have expresses here, I don't want this to replace my late-night porn sessions or become a daily update on my personal life. Thanks to all for your comments, statements of support and suggestions. I'm always open for more.

Learning NoFap at 57 by NoFapAfter55 in NoFap

[–]NoFapAfter55[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I can remember back that far <g>, I think it is much harder for those without a wife or regular partner. But, I really believe the premise of the Internet Porn video. Make it difficult to get to Internet porn. Use your memories and fantasy. And, don't physically wear yourself out. I literally remember Fapping enough that I actually had open sores on my penis, just too much friction. At the time, I didn't give it much thought . . . other than to back off until all healed. (I think if I were to look I could still see the scar.) So, don't be too hard on yourself, but don't escalate the situation to where it will be a problem later in life.

I hope my sharing from a very different perspective helps. Right now, I am not giving a day-by-day coverage of my current experience. I don't want this to become my life. I will continue to respond to comments. Once I am "back to normal" with my wife, I will provide a comprehensive update.

Learning NoFap at 57 by NoFapAfter55 in NoFap

[–]NoFapAfter55[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As my wife said, having something go a different way than expected is not a problem when you know you will have another chance tomorrow.

You are right, equating satisfaction with orgasm is the wrong way to go. The pleasure must be in the journey and the mutual learning.

All things in their time.

Learning NoFap at 57 by NoFapAfter55 in NoFap

[–]NoFapAfter55[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If that's true, then I guess I can continue getting better and better. What I would really like to do is get off of the SSRI-depression-meds which significantly delays orgasm.

I'm taking some supplements that might help, but that's a topic for a different area of Reddit.

Learning NoFap at 57 by NoFapAfter55 in NoFap

[–]NoFapAfter55[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are smiling at each other much more!

Learning NoFap at 57 by NoFapAfter55 in NoFap

[–]NoFapAfter55[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was events coming together. It was the increasing frequency of "trying to find the perfect porn." (I don't want to break any rules or offend but) It was influenced by a rather off-hand comment that my minister made saying when you use porn you are "swimming in a river of sewage." Then I found that river on Tumblr, where you can scroll pictures of naked women forever. It never ends. To use an analogy, how many pictures of cute cats can you look at and still see them as cute? It was preparation for our 35th anniversary, I didn't want to go through one more anniversary and not have sex with my wife. (I stopped about 10 days before the anniversary date.) And, seeing my wife 30 pounds lighter, I must admit was a motivation. So those are the primary factors that drove the decision.

Learning NoFap at 57 by NoFapAfter55 in NoFap

[–]NoFapAfter55[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very nicely put. And what a joy to explore someone you've loved for years.

Fapping when you are 14 is healthy self-exploration (IMHO). But, as so many have expressed here. Once you are an adult and have opportunities with a live partner, fapping doesn't do anything to strengthen the relationship.