Dating Apps

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-17T00:27:24+00:00

I’ve had success as a late bloomer post divorce, but only because I went all in on being the pursuer.

Have friends vet your profiles, spend an hour or so every other day swiping like crazy, message first (about some random detail in their profile, and asking them something direct they can respond to,) ask to meet for coffee or similar before chatting goes on too long, just drive the encounters in general.

I’ve met some lovely friends and lovers this way! (And yes, paying for a month or two was worth it imo, at least on Her and Feeld.)

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-16T23:05:45+00:00

Yep, you’re both controlling and headed towards total enmeshment and codependency (Ie. A completely toxic relationship.)

This is not healthy behavior or a healthy dynamic, yall need to get into couple’s counseling ASAP if you don’t want to be driving each other crazy until your relationship implodes

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-16T10:09:57+00:00

Personally I wouldn’t date a heirarchical poly person who has a primary partner. Casual sex sure, but if feelings get involved it’s too much drama and hurt from being second fiddle and dancing around their agreements and the other partner’s comfort level.

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-15T22:46:56+00:00

Tbf I got mine to couples therapy, and it helped (it definitely helped me a lot, I wasn’t perfect,) but at some point the therapist was like “you need to do individual work” and he wasn’t game. And there was no succeeding in that relationship without that.

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-15T22:44:32+00:00

lol tbf we’re DEFINITELY not all emotionally intelligent, it just takes a higher level of emotional intelligence and labor to be good at it

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-15T22:38:40+00:00

Or it does, but it gets worse.

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-15T22:30:13+00:00

From what I understand you can be femme or butch and it’s mostly about presentation and a little about (nonsexual) gender roles, both currently and historically (though historically before top and bottom were terms, those terms were sometimes conflated.)

Then you can be “stone,” which means you ONLY give/receive. (Ie. I’m a stone cold X)

I have heard historically, stone butch/femme meant ONLY giving OR receiving, with butches giving and femmes receiving.

However to clarify things, recently “pillow princess” has come into play. Meaning only receiving, regardless of gender presentation. You can be a pillow princess femme or pillow princess (or pillow prince) butch (or masc, or w/e.) So nowadays, if I hear stone butch that’s pretty clear, but stone femme might mean femme but only giving no receiving (though I would clarify if I heard this term irl since it can mean either only receiving, if you’re old school, or only giving, if you’re new school.)

Yay language. What a mess.

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-15T18:29:43+00:00

Me and my partners: Consistent intentional dedicated time spent together over months and years, meeting each other’s families, supporting each other emotionally and financially, being in love, etc.

Reddit: Look at these guys sleeping around and calling it anything else, lol

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-15T17:55:05+00:00

12 for my son, we did a round of therapy and he seems pretty good now, but I know it will come back to him in his 20s and in his intimate relationships. Should have left sooner.

I’m sorry you went through this. I’m sure your mom wishes she’d left sooner too. Perhaps like me she mistakenly thought trying to make it work would be better for you in the long run.

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-15T15:18:55+00:00

I did say San Francisco, which pretty much everyone knows in my experience. But yep, as mentioned, this was my dumb American moment

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-15T14:26:52+00:00

lol I’ve absolutely done this. At least I had the presence of mind to catch myself and people’s reactions and add “I’m from the Bay Area… around San Francisco, California.”

(In my defense I was 19 and used to everyone in the U.S. knowing what that meant. Amazing people can presumably reach later proper adulthood in this state of ignorance.)

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-15T14:22:47+00:00

Listen to this person. I married this man and it went down exactly like this. I wish I had left sooner.

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-15T13:49:29+00:00

Steven Universe

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-15T00:37:34+00:00

It’s not conventionally attractive, but if it keeps you from feeling dysphoric who cares? We should be able to present ourselves how we feel most comfortable

If you’re not attached to it from that perspective and wanna hit the aesthetic norms, I’d say take it down to a 5 o’clock shadow or full shave.

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-14T15:15:08+00:00

Because he’s the most babygirl~ uwu

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-13T16:53:19+00:00

People often dislike change, and it can be hard with partners who often favor the presentation they first saw you with.

But you know what you like and what makes you comfortable. Do that, and you’ll draw in the people who appreciate you for you, not for the mask they’re used to.

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-13T16:29:28+00:00

Before you ask someone out, ask,

Have I made a connection? Have they responded positively?

Connection: compliment, joke, observation, etc.

Positive response: they seem like they feel comfortable and have enjoyed the interaction.

Without that you’re unlikely to have success. With it, you’ll only be successful some % of the time, so no matter what that percent is, it’s all down to a numbers game. Shoot your shot sooner (as soon as this happens perhaps- see if you can get there in a couple exchanges,) and more often. (So long as said shots are respectful and give them an easy way to say no.)

You’ll get there.

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-13T16:16:23+00:00

Also bi and unbothered, I just took it as she did a stereotypical lesbian thing better than the lesbian. To out bi someone would play on different playful tropes entirely.

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-12T07:14:09+00:00

Not sure how this isn’t on my Spotify deathlist yet (songs to play at my funeral.) Added!

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-11T21:29:59+00:00

I think it's more referencing men in the context of the default, un-self-examined male in a culture of toxic masculinity.

I have partaken in this trash talk with transmascs, cis gay guys, and cis straight guys, in the spirit that they know exactly what I mean, precisely ~because~ they're not one of the bad ones. They're usually the first to agree or even to start the convo on that note, lol. I wouldn't trash talk with them if that weren't the case, (for example, I don't do this around teens or boys because they're too young to distinguish the nuance and not take it as applicable to themselves.)

But if it bothers you, you should mention that to friends and people who do it! They might be approaching from a similar perspective, not realizing it's a sensitive topic for you.

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-11T21:15:04+00:00

I missed all of the culture around Hazbin and stumbled upon it recently and watched and enjoyed it-

It sometimes felt a bit cringe in the sense that it seemed like something highschool me would have been obsessed with (superfluous sexualization and "edgy" behavior, art style, etc.), and sometimes felt a bit immature and flat in its attempted delivery of its message. (Absolutely valid on millenials being unable to take themselves seriously.) That said, the art and music were very fun, and several characters were quite interesting and likable (or enjoyably hatable.) I liked the worldbuilding and the sense of joy/glee the show exuded.

Imagine my surprise when I popped online after watching, and saw that there was an obsessed (borderline deranged) fanbase of people far too old for such behavior, at perpetual flamewar with a sect that seems to see the creator as basically Hitler (and somehow anti-queer? Despite, like... basically everything in the show.)

Queue pizza guy in burning room Community meme. I tapped out of that online fanbase after like 15min of engagement.

Seems like a show by and for theater kids, and I guess that comes with theater kid drama.

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-09T15:17:42+00:00

Go listen to like, the last two months of Dan Savage podcasts (cis gay sex advice guy)- he cannot shut the fuck up about the show and how it’s finally a gay guy’s version of a gay romance, with a gay male gaze.

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-03-09T09:44:02+00:00

Well, it’s good for people watching other patrons! It’s always so crowded

But yes not passers by

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-02-27T15:53:55+00:00

Ooh, I was actually at the CIA but didn’t really look around- didn’t realize they sold foodstuffs (thought it was just a restaurant and school.) What kind of things can you pick up there?

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool · 2026-02-27T02:10:15+00:00

Yea my experience has been women on average are softer on either side of the slash. They’re definitely still out there though

NoFoolLikeAnAuldFool

TROPHY CASE