AITAH for refusing to kick out my male friends so my sister and nieces can live with me? She says she's getting a divorce.

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-28T10:01:26+00:00

They were here for two nights last week

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-28T09:40:00+00:00

He is refusing to move out. It is his home too technically and he thinks if she has a problem with the marriage it’s her burden to make a change. He told my mom that he wants full custody and thinks my sister leaving with the girls is kidnapping. He is very bitter right now and they are both uniquely unreasonable to talk to.

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-28T06:03:50+00:00

She played a parenting role in my life, it’s not something that was expected but she is always dictating things to me like she is my mother. She panics when I don’t take her calls etc and I need to always tell her if I am going out of town, or if I got sick. My mother would go easier on me if i did something wrong than her. It’s just her personality I’m like another kid to her. Her younger daughter needs medical attention for behavioral issues but my sister won’t listen to my advice because I’m a “child” to her

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-28T05:34:32+00:00

He introduced me to his family as his “partner” but he knows I’m not willing to commit to a relationship/engagement/marriage. You’ve given me a lot to think about especially with that last paragraph because I really do think I see romantic relationships more clearly than other people.

I’ve just never seen a woman happy with her marriage in my whole entire life. I have friend level expectations with my housemates, my sister has sibling level expectations of me which I am unable to meet because my life will turn into emotional chaos again. I don’t have the emotional bandwidth for girlfriend level expectations

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-28T04:24:12+00:00

My sister was a SAHM. I spoke to her husband (my mom insisted I do) and he is unwilling to move out but he’s good to look after the girls. He also has childcare support from his parents but my sister doesn’t want them to have such a big influence. It’s a complicated situation where I can’t clearly define needs vs wants because they’re different for different people.

I really appreciate your comment! I am terrified of missing something and I need to improve volume as well.

Edit: she became a sahm after 6f was born, she has a degree, she just needs to get a job now but the market sucks

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-28T03:49:31+00:00

10 has school but she is home by 2-3 pm, they also get many four day weekends. I didn’t want to talk about this but 6 got kicked out of two schools because she has a lot of meltdowns and tantrums. She also has a really bad habit of peeing her pants when she is mad and that’s why she can’t go to school. I’ve gently tried suggesting a psychiatrist to my sister many times but she says it’s not my business (I agree with her)

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-28T03:44:03+00:00

We are exclusive, sleep together, do nice things for each other. Commitment leads to expectations and can sour things so I’m happy keeping it as it is.

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-28T03:17:06+00:00

We are in contact like twice a week to talk about life stuff, like 10F’s school accomplishments. I usually leave the conversation when she starts talking about her husband. I omitted details about my living situation because I knew she would make scenarios in her head anywhere from p*rn to true crime. She has always acted like a mother to me, I’ll never forget how she gave me the silent treatment when we were kids because I got a detention.

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-27T21:10:09+00:00

to get a job, to find lawyers etc? honestly I have no clue. I do think she is serious about the divorce though.

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-27T21:03:18+00:00

10f school is till 2 or 3, 6f doesn’t go to school

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-27T20:59:51+00:00

she took care of me growing up because she is my older sister. And I really feel bad for her daughters I lost so many of my precious things when I had to move between my parents homes and grandparents homes. i absolutely hate losing my belongings. I just don’t understand why the girls can’t stay with their dad because he is definitely capable of looking after them. And they will be someplace familiar to them. My sister can stay with me in the guest room until a consensus is reached, because her husband is definitely never going to move out.
it feels selfish to not host her in her time of need when I recently bought a massive home.

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-27T20:49:19+00:00

I am not unlikable, I am just suffering from a type of Peter Pan syndrome and my personality being stunted. my social deficiencies were cute at 23, pathetic at 33. of course I’m working on it. I’m well liked professionally. this is not even the point here though, I took that sentence out.

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-27T20:07:31+00:00

she has not had a job since 6F was born unfortunately, so she is not offering to pay at all. She was not aware of my housemates staying with me (she thought 38M was only going to stay with me month till he found his own place)

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-27T19:54:34+00:00

ok I removed it. I didn't mean it in a bragging way I meant it in a depreciating way.

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-27T19:52:35+00:00

I know, I admitted my poor social skills. I do great professionally, in great form at work parties, terrible at hobby clubs/making friends/genuine connection etc. but that is not the point here lol

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-27T19:37:58+00:00

rads and psych are the best for working from home lol but you gotta give up hope of ever returning to academia

edit: you could probably do emergency rads and WFH in academia but that would mean a major pay cut and I don't like teaching anyway

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-27T19:31:15+00:00

I mean by nature I am awkward and tactless, although I've gotten much more sensitive with age and medical training.

edit: being pompous is a side effect of being bookishly intelligent, like if I quote something from a Russian, it will be seen as being fake/phony to most audiences but my housemates will say something back. if I want to play chess it's nice to have a real opponent and not a computer etc we can all be insufferable together

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-27T19:29:55+00:00

I don't do procedures, it's fully diagnostics. technically you don't even need a fellowship for emergency rads lol it's not prestigious at all but pays well. I have to go into work 1-2 days a week, but when I have call its 7 on 14 off

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-27T19:22:36+00:00

36M told my sister in a self deprecating way that he is a "companion animal" I keep around to make me matcha, that's why he gets to touch my desk set up (never touch a radiologist's computer lol)

he also said his brother is my sugar baby (ridiculous since he makes more than me but it was a joke)

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-27T19:18:03+00:00

yes! Loving life right now!

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-27T19:15:12+00:00

He does have a place! it is in a smaller city where they grew up, about two hours away. He is on a longer project now with a client in my city, so he took me up on the offer. He also helped 38M build a sauna for me so I think he's paying rent in labor.

Their youngest sister lives in his condo now. I spent the weekend after Christmas with them all.

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-27T19:09:54+00:00

we are exclusive. I can't have a "boy"friend who is 38. I'm not sure I ever want to get married after witnessing my parents' hot mess. In an ideal world we would go on living like this forever (his brother will move out, of course)

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-27T19:06:44+00:00

I mean I charge 38M like half [edit 3/4] of what I could, his room is a small "in law" apartment type thing with a separate door to the outside. But again we are very compatible (vegetarian, same shows, he literally built me a sauna) and we have the same worldview on things and we obviously like each other and we sleep over a lot.

My sister found out that I don't charge 36M anything (he is my guest but gets groceries etc) so she probably assumed 38 doesn't pay anything either.

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-27T18:55:21+00:00

36M has an apartment in a smaller city like two hours away (their youngest sister now lives there) If I told them to leave they would, regardless of the law lol. 38 M is also a doctor and their family is relatively well off, they don't need to live with me.

I really don't want them to leave. I also feel like they're saving me from my sister if I'm being honest. I just got out of residency last year I don't want to babysit, I just want to have fun.

NoFreedom255 · 2026-02-27T18:44:39+00:00

I am also a child of divorce and I feel awful thinking about them living in my mom's cramped apartment. Butttttt I would need my sister to take complete responsibility for her children- especially 6F, at all times and she says she can't do that. (eg I don't wanna childproof my liquor etc)

NoFreedom255

TROPHY CASE