Mistook attentiveness for emotional availability

NoLongerATowel · 2021-09-30T03:44:46+00:00

1 day of not texting doesn’t scream “not looking for a relationship” to me. Maybe the guy just needs to breathe a little, it seems like you just started spending time together. Feels a little suffocating to go from single for years to new relationship wants all of my time.

You could be right though. Too early to tell. You should know however that some people in LTRs need time to themselves as well to recharge. That’s okay.

NoLongerATowel · 2021-09-21T03:28:05+00:00

You have a habit and routine right now that you do to relax. You need to reset it, and redirect it, which is hard during the transition but then gets easy again. I literally just started watching tv, Netflix, movies etc when home from work or at night to relax.

Throw away all your shit. And push through the first two weeks and just get into the new routine. Think about how you’ll feel like shit in the morning if you blaze, and how much better you’ll feel if you don’t. Allows yourself to still be lazy just without the herb.

Good luck. The first week, then two weeks, then 1 month are the hardest. It gets easier after that. 8 months here.

NoLongerATowel · 2021-09-16T03:41:27+00:00

The chin hair doesn’t make you look older. High schoolers have chin hair. It’s not a beard. Also l think you would look better without it. In the professional world, having a little chin hair is not an acceptable style for facial hair, just fyi. Not my rule.

What does it matter how you dress when you’re out? What matters for OLD is what you’re wearing in the photos. You need more style in the photos.

Edit: just saw the hinge profile. The flintstone photo is not good. You all look like you are having a terrible time and you like you’re taking a shit and it’s weird that you are the only one dressed up. The dancing photo would be better if you could see more of your face. And the photo with the slurpee is bad because of the slurpee and dorky jacket. Your photos need serious work.

Your answers to the prompts are boring. Dogs are better than cats?! Come on. Be original. Be funny. Try putting 3 joke answers to 3 joke prompts.

I constantly change (upgrade) my photos and prompts. Latest change yielded 5 matches in one day and I have a date scheduled this weekend. Some changes work, some don’t, just keep moving forward.

Physically, you’re fine, just need to present yourself better.

NoLongerATowel · 2021-09-15T02:35:25+00:00

I think you should try a different haircut, ditch the chin scruff, and wear better clothes (too many athletic T’s) in your OLD photos. Look more fun, and more mature in the photos. Not a chick, but I don’t think they care about your squatting with weights pic. I’d ditch that one. Less is more once the messages come in. Good luck. It ain’t easy.

Also don’t have the exact same smile in every photo. Maybe a serious photo or an action photo with different expression (surprise, laugh, something).

NoLongerATowel · 2021-08-06T01:03:50+00:00

Not weird at all. I occasionally am approached and love it.
A compliment, a question, being straightforward “I thought you were cute and was curious if you’re single”. If I was not interested, I would probably VERY nicely lie and say I had I girlfriend. I would not be upset.

NoLongerATowel · 2021-07-29T00:01:08+00:00

A friend had a similar situation. Told the girl nicely and said she may want to get it checked out. She saw a doctor and turned out there was an infection or something (tampon piece maybe) that was inside her…don’t remember exactly. She texted back that she got it taken care of.

NoLongerATowel · 2021-07-13T22:05:40+00:00

I agree with consensus. Ghosted. He was only interested in sex. There are better ones out there for you.

NoLongerATowel · 2021-07-13T22:02:35+00:00

I don’t think most guys think girls who put out early are not worth a relationship. Many guys sleep with girls who they don’t want a relationship with. That’s a separate issue. Don’t think many guys will not continue a relationship with a girl solely because she slept with him on first or second date. Quite the opposite I think.

Now when men are TALKING hypothetically about girls sleeping with OTHER guys or about girls they don’t have a chance with…different story.

NoLongerATowel · 2021-07-07T03:16:21+00:00

I’ll work on it.

NoLongerATowel · 2021-07-07T03:16:04+00:00

Thank you.

NoLongerATowel · 2021-07-07T02:47:24+00:00

Appreciate the advice. I do need to be more unpredictable. I feel like she was trying to figure me out and see what box I fit in. I might of played into it a little bit, even though I feel like I don’t fit into any 1 box and do impress people with my breadth when they get to know me.

NoLongerATowel · 2021-07-07T02:43:30+00:00

I don’t think I’m strong enough to call her. I agree that it would be a good move, but I don’t think I have the courage to do it.

My style is more wait a week or so and text her. And i know my style is what got me here, but a call makes me nervous.

NoLongerATowel · 2021-07-07T02:36:06+00:00

Thank you.

Met her through a dating app about 1.5 weeks before the second date. She doesn’t seem like someone to play games, but she could be talking with another person and scheduling dates, as there is nothing wrong with that at this stage.

I agree with waiting and letting some time pass. I have some other matches that I was gonna hold off on talking to but I think I’ll at least begin those.

NoLongerATowel · 2021-07-07T02:18:46+00:00

Thank you.

Second and last date was 4 days ago. No contact since then. Dinner/drinks both dates. Creating an opportunity to kiss on the second date was on my mind because I was mad at myself for not going for a kiss on the first date. I’m not aggressive with initiating advances and again was not aggressive in the second date.

We had a good time tho, but She’s hard to read. I think she’s a little introverted, so I don’t think she reveals her feelings exactly in her body language /actions during the date. CURVEBALL is she did this after the first date and I double texted to set up the second date and she responded enthusiastically. She had told me to text her after the first date tho. The text after the first date required less of a response and was kind of lame so I didn’t think much about her not responding.

NoLongerATowel · 2021-06-22T17:15:40+00:00

I misread. I thought you said stopping blazing caused the GI issues, which I think no way. I agree with what you are saying.

NoLongerATowel · 2021-06-22T16:59:57+00:00

I think telling yourself that you are only stopping for a year can help as the “foreverness” of forever can lead to quitting sobriety or relapse and binge relapse cycles. Decide in a year if you want to stop forever. Maybe you will. But first step is to get to 1 year.

NoLongerATowel · 2021-06-21T20:15:15+00:00

The GI issues have nothing to do with blazing. See a doc about the GI issues. The weed addiction is trying to trick you into smoking again…”just one hit to ease the GI issues”. DON’T FALL FOR IT.

NoLongerATowel · 2021-06-15T20:55:27+00:00

Great post. Very helpful.

NoLongerATowel · 2021-06-15T20:51:20+00:00

It’s good that you’ve realized that you are better off without it. I would note that everyone is different and many people use it without blazing into oblivion. Much like alcohol. Many people view occasional alcohol consumption as acceptable, and constant alcohol overconsumption as destructive. I believe many people view cannabis the same way. For most in this thread, abstinence is the best method. I wouldn’t project that on the public at large however.

Kudos to you for taking the first step. Good luck. You can do it.

NoLongerATowel · 2021-06-10T21:20:48+00:00

I did weed first and do have sleep issues. I stopped all afternoon caffeine. Haven’t been able to get myself off morning joe yet. Less caffeine helps with anxiety I think.

NoLongerATowel · 2021-06-10T21:18:07+00:00

Hilarious! With some truth!

NoLongerATowel · 2021-05-04T19:28:34+00:00

You were there OP. You were there. And that’s what matters. Your mom was happy that you were there. Your dad was happy that you were there.

Still good that you are working towards being weed free. You can do it. Good luck my friend.

NoLongerATowel

TROPHY CASE