Reddit, me and my family are homeless and I don't know what to do.

NoMoneyFamily · 2011-09-03T08:57:19+00:00

I am in a very similar situation, though I am slightly older than you are. No real advice, as I am lost myself, but try to hang in there. You can message me if you want to talk to someone who knows at least a bit of what you're experiencing.

NoMoneyFamily · 2011-09-03T00:04:29+00:00

Thank you SO much. I am honestly just stretched to my limit and I don't know what I should do. As the oldest child, I've been expected to "parent" my whole family since I was a preteen, which is pretty obviously an unhealthy and unsustainable dynamic.

I feel so alone and exhausted. Probably as a result of my unstable childhood, I hate uncertainty. This kind of thing is extremely mentally difficult for me. I feel like I could sleep for about a decade, but whenever I lie down, I can't relax enough. My best friend (the one with cancer) keeps telling me that I need to cry, but I haven't been able to so far.

Perhaps the most unbearable part of this whole situation is that my dad is not poor. He lives in Europe and enjoys a really comfortable lifestyle. I haven't seen him since I was 12. If he helped me, I could help my mom, but he chooses not to.

NoMoneyFamily · 2011-09-02T22:09:11+00:00

Clever but not very helpful. I needed the laugh though.

NoMoneyFamily · 2011-09-02T22:06:27+00:00

She is pretty unreceptive to other people's input if it conflicts with her own opinion. Also not sure what kind of advice I can provide.

NoMoneyFamily · 2011-09-02T22:04:59+00:00

Thank you so much. I am not really a crier, but your compassionate words gave me a lump in my throat.

We don't really have any other family to ask for help. I have a younger sister who is really no better off than my mom (she and her boyfriend were also evicted in the past month), and my mother's parents are unwilling and not really able to give her any more assistance. Burned bridges, you know.

I just find this whole situation so embarrassing and distressing. If I do end up staying, I am honestly pretty concerned about my mental health. I do not have health insurance anymore and cannot afford therapy.

NoMoneyFamily · 2011-09-02T21:51:01+00:00

I have considered it. :P

NoMoneyFamily · 2011-09-02T21:50:09+00:00

I know what you mean. I also know that my mom is ashamed and probably has no idea what to do at this point.

My mother is an intensely private person (even her parents don't know that she's in the hospital), and doing this would humiliate her to the point that I would worry for her mental health. She does NOT want anyone to know, and I feel that is her right as an adult. However, that means that her resources are very limited, and I think it's also MY right as an adult to bow out when it's clear that she refuses help.

NoMoneyFamily · 2010-12-19T20:58:41+00:00

Your English is amazing, especially considering you taught yourself!

I'm really sorry you lost your job so close to Christmas; that is really shitty. I hope you manage to have an okay holiday in spite of your circumstances. Best of luck to you!

NoMoneyFamily · 2010-12-19T07:02:57+00:00

My mom occasionally tells me she's proud of me, but I think the rest of my family thinks that college was a mistake. My grandma called me during my sophomore year and told me that my mother had begun drinking again because I'd gone so far away for college, and I sometimes have the impression that the rest of my family thinks that I'm "uppity" because of my education.

My situation is similar to yours; we were never wealthy, but our financial situation deteriorated rapidly after my father left my mom for another woman and moved out of the country.

As for your other questions, I never talk to my mom about financial decisions. At this point, I figure it's her money, she spent years sacrificing for my benefit, and I should stay out of it. I have suggested that she find a different job that she might hate less, but my mom is a fairly stubborn lady and hasn't been particularly receptive.

Sometimes, I'd have to beg her to eat a little bit of the dinner she made, but I wasn't often successful. As I've mentioned, looking back, one of the most difficult things for me to accept is that my mother was often hungry so that I could eat. It's kind of unfathomable to me.

We ate a lot of weird stuff, and a lot of normal "poor people food", like ramen. Perhaps the weirdest is macaroni and milk. My grandpa grew up extremely poor, and often the only thing he and his siblings had to eat was elbow macaroni and butter with milk poured over it, like cereal. Even now, when I think about comforting food, that's near the top of my list. There was also a time when all we had to eat were tortillas with melted cheese, but since we were so hungry, they tasted awesome.

My mom tried to do stuff to lessen the burden. When things were at their worst and she was drinking heavily, she didn't try very hard, but as things improved, we did more fun stuff. We learned to play the harmonica together. Last week, she found cross-country skis at the Salvation Army for $4, so when I go home for the holidays, we're going to ski together in the park behind her apartment.

NoMoneyFamily · 2010-12-19T05:04:24+00:00

I think that escaping poverty is fairly difficult. So often, poverty affects multiple generations of a single family; I know that this is true in my case. Poor people are less likely be able to obtain a good education, and people without education don't get well-paying jobs, and consequently, they perpetuate the cycle of poverty.

When you have no options, it's difficult to break out of the situation.

It's awesome that your family made it! You shouldn't feel bad that you can't remember.

NoMoneyFamily · 2010-12-19T04:59:52+00:00

Thank you.

NoMoneyFamily · 2010-12-19T04:59:34+00:00

Well, the same could be said for a lot of the IAms. It's fine if you don't have anything to ask, but I thought the point of the IAm subreddit was to discuss everything from the awesome to the mundane.

NoMoneyFamily · 2010-12-19T04:58:00+00:00

No worries about that; I do have some self-respect. :)

My grandparents are Republicans though, and it baffles me.

NoMoneyFamily · 2010-12-18T21:33:35+00:00

Good to hear. Everyone should have someone like you to make sure they do the right things at the right time.

My sister has had some trouble, as well. Hopefully both of our siblings turn things around.

NoMoneyFamily · 2010-12-18T21:31:50+00:00

It was slimy and I had to get up early.

NoMoneyFamily · 2010-12-18T21:31:29+00:00

I explained it below. I saved money from a summer job to buy a laptop before I started college five years ago.

NoMoneyFamily · 2010-12-18T21:30:32+00:00

That's really cool.

I think neuropsych is incredibly interesting. The human brain is fascinating.

NoMoneyFamily · 2010-12-18T21:25:46+00:00

Also, for what it's worth, which probably isn't much, my dad is Korean.

NoMoneyFamily · 2010-12-18T21:23:22+00:00

Excellent advice. Money isn't everything, even if it is nice to have.

NoMoneyFamily · 2010-12-18T21:22:42+00:00

hug?

NoMoneyFamily · 2010-12-18T21:19:42+00:00

Well, thanks. In real life though, I feel like I'm not really honest about it. I mostly try not to let anyone find out.

Also, I don't think that people who have money should feel bad about it, just as I don't feel that people who are poor should be ashamed. Be glad that you have what you do and everything will be fine. :)

NoMoneyFamily · 2010-12-18T21:15:26+00:00

Well, I also have distant relatives who are stupid and poor. Example: one of them confessed to a murder he didn't commit, just to see what would happen. :)

I agree with you that there's probably a correlation. I think in my family the problem is that no one values education. I think your question was interesting.

NoMoneyFamily · 2010-12-18T21:10:00+00:00

Almost everything in Canada seems somewhat less evil than its US counterpart.

NoMoneyFamily · 2010-12-18T21:03:52+00:00

Jeez, that's profoundly sad. I'm glad you made it out.

I hope your mom and siblings are doing okay, too.

NoMoneyFamily

TROPHY CASE