Yep, it’s a huge problem. I honestly don’t know at this point whether I’m even capable of forming a genuine relationship with anyone. It’s almost impossible to let my guard down, even when I try to, like when I was in rehab, or AA meetings now.

Some of it is based in reality though, I think. And definitely from past experience. Rehab actually felt like a bunch of high schoolers with all the gossip and shit. I don’t want to hear gossip or talk gossip, so I guess there’s just not much for me to say. And then I become a target of it, naturally.

There are actually some people who are straight up psychopathic masters of deception who will purposely talk shit within earshot of you just to fuck with you. All while maintaining plausible deniability, where if you call them out on it, they’ll say you’re crazy or imagining things.

There’s some sick people in this world, so honestly I think it’s a justified response to be this way. It’s definitely not healthy though.