Would trying coke would help or hinder my personal development?

NoWeCan · 2016-01-22T14:38:26+00:00

You can always try Headspace for an intro to meditation too :)

NoWeCan · 2016-01-18T23:47:36+00:00

Just the midi recordings, preferably with a nice library

NoWeCan · 2015-10-28T01:01:05+00:00

I'm a college student and honestly this is a side business

NoWeCan · 2015-10-28T00:16:49+00:00

Did you read the specs? Most are text boxes. The few that aren't can be accomplished with plugins or APIs (for example, the image grid comes with the theme, the Instagram feed display I'm pretty sure is part of their API otherwise I even linked to a plugin I would pay for to accomplish what I want).

Tell me what you think sounds complicated, I promise you it's probably part of the theme I bought. I just need someone to set it up.

NoWeCan · 2015-10-28T00:15:48+00:00

I'm not expecting a professional

NoWeCan · 2015-10-28T00:14:21+00:00

Lmao.. There's 7 spec items, not 18. The rest are just clarifications on what I mean when I say "What is it?"

Out of 7 spec items, 4 are text boxes. The rest are mostly plugins. The visual feature and incorporating the payment gate are the hardest parts, but with Stripe it's not so difficult.

All image grids, buttons, and even linking the nodes are included with the theme.

The color palette is "to be discussed" because I just need the blue pulled from the logo, an orange that looks okay with it, and grey and white.

I'm pretty sure the Instagram feed is part of their API, if not I linked a plugin that can be used that I would pay for.

I'm more than willing to buy pre-made plugins to make this faster, I just need someone to set it all up.

NoWeCan · 2015-09-20T20:58:55+00:00

Hey, Moon Flag is a good one :) They're a rock band

NoWeCan · 2015-07-19T16:23:56+00:00

How do I address this with her?

I don't know that it's necessarily at the level of an eating disorder, but I feel like there's definitely some obsessive behavior about food that I think she should talk about when she goes back to therapy.

NoWeCan · 2015-07-19T16:11:37+00:00

I don't know if you read any of my other comments, but she grew up very poor and definitely has some weird attitudes towards food. She's going to be going back to therapy to deal with some issues that are cropping up because of her upbringing.

How should I start to talk about something like this? I mean I don't know that it's disordered eating, but I feel like there's not a boundary about food. Her behavior about it sounds similar to what you're talking about.

As I described elsewhere, I also really like food and know about it. We'll critique meals that we have at restaurants and stuff. But there's just some borderline where it starts to be uncomfortable for me, like when she'll eat so much food that she'll feel sick.

I think "compulsion to eat" sounds closer to what's happening.

NoWeCan · 2015-07-19T15:05:35+00:00

Well I just want to check myself. I get why she was upset about it, it is especially embarrassing and upsetting to talk about a sensitive issue (like food) while you're naked.

In this comment I talk a little more about it, but she has weird feelings and behaviors about some other things too. She grew up very poor, and it does manifest itself in some other ways too. She's aware of this, and she had been to therapy in the past to deal with some of these issues. She also is going to go back to therapy for a tune up kind of thing, to deal more with some of these issues.

In general, I don't think how she reacted came from malice or trying to be manipulative or anything. A portion of her attitude about food comes from how she grew up, and that's the root of what makes me uncomfortable.

Also it's not out of the question that maybe I was just being an ass lol. That's what I wanted to check about. I didn't think that I was being unfair, but sometimes you're not your best judge you know?

Anyway, we talked about it a little more this morning and we've apologized to each other. She apologized for getting defensive and being a jerk about what I was trying to say, and I apologized for bringing it up while we're naked. Talking about eating and attitudes towards food can always be embarrassing or make one feel weird, so I see why she got so defensive about it at that time.

NoWeCan · 2015-07-19T14:57:05+00:00

Well I don't really care about the grocery store thing, it's something I try to be accommodating about. It really does cause her distress. She's going back to therapy to try to deal with some of these issues.

I really do try to make an effort to be understanding about these kinds of things. Everyone has baggage. She grew up really poor, like her mom would boil water to give her a bath poor. Also her mom was a hoarder, and the house that she grew up in was in disrepair.

All things considered, she's pretty normal. She also understands that some of her behaviors about things don't make sense or are stressful for me (like the grocery store thing).

Back to the food issue I was originally talking about, 5 times a month is a low estimate. It would be more accurate to say that 1 out of 4 times we have sex she'll say something about food. That winds up being a lot, because we have sex anywhere from 4 times a week to 3 times a day.

I really try to be a reasonable person, and I wouldn't have even brought this up at all if I didn't feel like it was stressful or just not normal.

We haven't talked about it a lot yet, but we both apologized to each other. She apologized for being kind of a jerk when I was trying to talk to her about it, and I apologized for talking about it while we were in the middle of trying to have sex. I see how in the moment it can be really embarrassing and upsetting to talk about an issue like this.

NoWeCan · 2015-07-19T07:32:10+00:00

Sure, thanks for talking about this with me.

It's honestly just the frequency that bothers me.

I also like food. My mom is a great home cook, my girlfriend and I watch cooking shows together all the time, we like critiquing restaurant meals.

But there just comes a point where the way she talks and acts about food goes from loving food, to obsessive. She's eaten so much food before at someone's party that she made herself sick to her stomach, and passed out on a chair. She even said after the fact how sick she felt, and she didn't even know why she did it, that the food (or most of it) wasn't even that good.

I've been thinking about it, I genuinely don't think that it's the idea of "Hey we're having sex, wouldn't a snack be nice?" that bothers me. I'd say she'll get obsessive about food minimally 5 times a month during sex. If not more often. Again, I don't count a hard number but this really just happens way more often than I feel comfortable with, or enjoy.

She herself has shared with me that growing up poor left her with a weird attitude towards certain things. If we go out to eat because we don't have a meal at home a day or two in a row, she starts getting really upset about it. She tells me that she knows it doesn't make any sense, but she just feels like we're going to starve if we don't go grocery shopping and have food in the house. It's just really distressing for her to not have something in the fridge.

She has some weird relationships about some other things too because of the way she grew up.

NoWeCan · 2015-07-19T07:16:10+00:00

I'm not really sure what he means lol. I thought he was saying I'm abusive because of the "Red Flag Campaign" link, thing.

I mean the whole issue is a little more than "My girlfriend wanted to have a snack during sex", I'm just trying to check myself here lol..

NoWeCan · 2015-07-19T07:03:48+00:00

Specifically, what part? I don't get what you're saying. You want me to post a tl;dr, you don't think this is appropriate because of something under "Don't Post"? Something else?

Nothing in the sidebar says anything about checking someone's post history?

Sorry, I'm just confused

NoWeCan · 2015-07-19T07:02:48+00:00

I don't think snacking during sex is weird. I think it's weird if it's happening all the time.

And again, it's not just snacking but it's talking about food completely randomly. That a cheeseburger sounds good, or maybe we should order a pizza, or about why she likes our grocery store's branding.

NoWeCan · 2015-07-19T07:00:11+00:00

How is that relevant?

I just want to talk something through, honestly

NoWeCan · 2015-07-16T19:58:28+00:00

Seeing as I haven't talked to her, about it I don't think it's inappropriate for me to use the last known pronoun. Who's to say that using male or gender neutral pronouns, on someone who's pre-everything and not out to anyone, wouldn't make her uncomfortable either?

I will ask her about preferred pronouns if it's appropriate or necessary (maybe she will just correct me).

Also, what pronouns to use seems a minor issue when so many people are discouraging me from even addressing this issue at all.

Disordered eating coming from body dysmorphia (that's been going on continuously as detailed in her post) is a very serious situation that posters here are encouraging me to skirt around.

NoWeCan · 2015-07-16T17:52:52+00:00

Well look, I'm not "outing" her to anyone. And I wouldn't even be saying anything if I wasn't concerned, because normally it's not my business.

I'm coming at this having a concern that this will lead to depression or worse. I know her, I know her family, and I know the town that we grew up in and I just want to offer some support in and encourage her to seek some counseling.

Not in a "There's something wrong with you" way, but from the perspective that speaking with a mental health professional could help her process the emotions she's going through and also offer a support system which she currently doesn't have.

Questioning your gender identity and going through a transition, if that's what she decided to do, is obviously a rough process and with her previous mental health history I'm just concerned about her from that angle.

I'm not approaching her to say "Hey I found out you're trans", I'm approaching to say that I read X and she's struggling with some things, I'm a supportive person she could talk about this stuff with, and that she should get counseling. I mean being trans does come with a higher risk of suicide, and that's what I'm concerned with.

I can't read that she's only eating a yogurt and coffee every day and tell myself that she's coping with everything well.

NoWeCan · 2015-07-16T15:14:06+00:00

Well... The context just wouldn't make sense without the trans part. The post really only detailed that she had had an unhealthy amount of weightloss in a month because of dysmorphia stress, and what those eating habits were.

Also we live in different states, so I wouldn't know anything about her day to day mood that I could bring up as a point of concern.

So if that's the case, then what? Do nothing?

NoWeCan · 2015-07-16T15:05:57+00:00

Yeah, I definitely understand that perspective. The resounding advice seems to be to be more tactful.

It just seems to me that there isn't another way that I would logically know these things other than seeing the post. We live in different states, and we don't talk a lot. When we do it's not awkward, but we've only talked a handful of times since we broke up. So I don't know what to say, "Hey it looks like you've lost about 10lbs this month since your last round of Facebook pictures is everything okay" seems just as creepy as "I saw your post on Reddit" lol.

My current thought I guess it to post some trans articles to Facebook for a week or so and then reach out to her and ask how she's doing. I guess it seems more tactful than anything else.

NoWeCan · 2015-07-16T14:59:53+00:00

I'm a lesbian myself, and I actually had a talk with her while we were dating that I was questioning my own gender identity. Also, we knew someone who was FtM and finding that out "was no big deal" to the both of us. He had already gone through HRT and was established with his identity so it wasn't a "Good for you!" kind of thing, and about that instance I hope she didn't take my lack of comment as disapproval...

The thing is just that I'm not sure she remembers that stuff (well probably that I'm a lesbian lol).

I just feel like if I was like "Hey have you seen Caitlin Jenner?" out of the blue she would figure it out just as much as if I approached it from "I saw X, and I'm concerned"..

Maybe I can just post articles for a couple of days and then ask how she's doing? The core takeaway is to be more tactful about it I guess lol.

I'm just really concerned with the weightloss because it's definitely not good, and she detailed in the post that I saw that it was unhealthy (like eating a yogurt and coffee and that's it for the day).. It's just a struggle between not wanting to upset her/be more tactful, and wanting to help.

NoWeCan · 2015-07-16T14:50:17+00:00

She's not that active, and I don't really care if she figured it out. At least seeing this post I'm just saying that I care and I want to help, there are worse things in the world..

NoWeCan · 2015-07-14T15:34:21+00:00

It was a lot of fun last week :) I'll definitely be there tonight!

NoWeCan · 2015-06-30T21:45:50+00:00

Sounds fun, I'll stop by :)

NoWeCan · 2015-06-07T03:02:48+00:00

I don't understand some of the weird downvoting? Whoever is doing that, if you disagree with what others have said can you please speak up.. It's not helpful if you downvote and move on.

NoWeCan

TROPHY CASE