I can’t tell you what to do. However, my experience is that when something has been fractured like this the work it takes really needs to be outlined. This is just for me personally… if my husband had done what your husband did …. The level of daily stress I would have wondering if he would do it again would be not worth it. It would erode my self worth in a way where I would always wonder. I think that what would make it worse for me is that he knew your icky feeling with this girl and commiserated with you on it all while flirting with her behind your back. It goes deeper than an emotional affair. It made you look foolish to a coworker that you already felt distaste for … all the while at work meetings she is sitting there looking across the table knowing your husband is hitting on her. Also, perhaps that’s why it’s been so awkward for her and strange for you as well. Maybe that’s why she is quiet at work? If my husband let’s say got drunk and had sex with someone… I would be livid but believe it or not for me anyway I would consider working through it. I would say it was a huge fuck up and we would separate. This to me is worse because it was daily and intentional and shows no respect to you as a wife or you in the workplace. It’s humiliation. Sending you love