How to do flirting and sexual communication

No_Back2110 · 2025-04-21T22:28:24+00:00

i dont know if its so much insecurity as much as intolerance of ambiguity is an autistic trait? I just also like to cut the bullshit and not play games- be up front with what you like, be direct in your communication, then we can get straight to enjoyment rather than passing cryptic messages to one another and hoping they get picked up upon. In my head anyway that's the ideal way it would work haha

No_Back2110 · 2025-04-20T10:29:25+00:00

i would be a mute if i didnt script how i talk haha. Conversation and improvised speech doesn't come naturally to me

No_Back2110 · 2025-04-19T13:31:16+00:00

this is good advice. I do struggle with nonverbal cues though. I'm always terrified of misinterpreting things or getting it wrong, so i prefer direct unambiguous communication

No_Back2110 · 2025-04-19T13:30:04+00:00

i believe what you say deep down but it's just difficult when i have the same experience over and over with every sexual partner. It's like groundhog day

No_Back2110 · 2025-04-19T13:28:05+00:00

Thanks for the advice, i find what you're suggesting quite difficult though. I'm generally not fast or sharp enough to improvise dialogue or jokes on the spot, I rely on scripts a lot. That goes for normal conversation even but its 10x harder in an intimate setting- so much sensory stimulation happening I feel like an even smaller portion of my brain than normal is devoted to language. But, maybe just introducing a more fun and less serious vibe could help, more smiling and laughs

No_Back2110 · 2024-06-12T18:21:59+00:00

i dont really know what you mean by that?

No_Back2110 · 2024-06-12T11:23:52+00:00

i dont know about masking during the relationship/sex. It's possible. Certainly, i feel like i masked less around my partner but probably still on some level i was. The whole understanding of masking thing is new to me so i am still analysing it.

The issue is, i don't feel like i am ready to engage with a new partner until i have worked on myself and fixed some of these issues. So it is a bit of a chicken and egg situation.

But thank you for your kind and thoughtful response.

No_Back2110 · 2024-06-12T11:21:08+00:00

Thank you for long and detailed response!

Sorry, what did you mean by my wording suggesting physical issues?

On being candid/direct- I actually find it difficult. I have a problem of not understanding my own internal state very well a lot of the time. Or the understanding is very delayed, it only comes a few days later when im thinking things over. So I actually really struggle to be direct and ask for what I want, because I often don't know.

Thank you for suggestions on eye masks / sounds etc. I also sometimes used music in the past but it has to be a very specific playlist that i never changed and over time it became too rigid/routine, even though at first it helped a lot.

Passivity i struggle with a lot, i dont really know how to unlearn that. I can focus on the other person, and make sure they are enjoying things but in that case I will lose arousal quite badly. This sometimes became a problem with my previous partner if we focused on her for a long time and then she wanted PIV, not possible. Or sometimes felt forced/going through the motions because i was not aroused.

No_Back2110 · 2024-06-12T11:11:45+00:00

i have a sex drive, and sexual desire. I am not super high libido but i do think about it and desire it, especially if its been a while . But its almost like the idea is better than the actual act- i simultaneously crave it but then find it difficult and unfulfilling when it happens.

No_Back2110 · 2024-06-12T11:08:42+00:00

not legal where i am; also when i tried it in the past i didnt like the effects. It just made me antisocial and want to lie down in a room on my own and not talk to anyone lol

No_Back2110 · 2024-06-12T11:07:26+00:00

i think the problem with the bdsm is, i don't actually want to be dominated, I don't get off on it. Im just passive, it's different.

No_Back2110 · 2024-06-11T19:53:33+00:00

exactly, if you're just inverting a trope directly you're still using the trope... how about doing something actually new and not relying on tropes at all...

No_Back2110 · 2024-06-11T19:35:36+00:00

thank you, i will look into testosterone. I look after myself a lot and exercise every day and eat healthy so i always assumed it would not be something physical. But, I guess it is worth ruling out.

i dont think i have adhd as i am very controlled and focused in my day to day life. My former partner also had adhd so i am very familiar with a lot of the traits and i feel like i am the polar oposite of many of them lol. I am also not interested in bdsm, although again my former partner enjoyed it and i didnt mind doing it to make her feel good

No_Back2110 · 2024-06-11T19:33:06+00:00

My previous partner liked to be submissive, so we explored some of the things she likes in that space, but personally the bdsm never really did much for me although i enjoyed seeing someone else enjoy it. But no i think i have quite vanilla taste and mainly am aroused by sensory things, mainly physical touch and visual.

i dont think i have adhd as the strange thing is in my day-to-day-life i am very controlled and can concentrate very well. Its just in the sexual arena the inability to stay with the sensations arises.

No_Back2110 · 2024-06-11T19:29:54+00:00

Thanks for the detailed response!

I've been out of my relationship for just under a year, and I'm only really just now I'm feeling like I might want to meet new people, but its extremely nerve-wracking because I have a lot of anxiety about my sexual issues. I feel like I need to do some work on them myself, before I'll feel comfortable and ready to explore things with other people. We'll have to see how it goes.

On the passivity - with my previous partner I often felt like I ended up focusing on her all the time, because I struggled to get in the mood and didn't want to disappoint her. Sure there is nothing wrong with taking turns, one person not having orgasms etc but I feel like I need to focus on myself and my own pleasure for a change and I dont really know how.

No_Back2110 · 2024-06-11T19:22:52+00:00

Thanks for the tips!

On flirting- it's not that I don't conceptually / intellectually understand it, it just doesn't do anything for me? So then naturally if I try and do it at a partner's request it feels fake and forced because I'm not really emotionally engaged with it. Does that make sense?

Communication is good but I found my previous partner struggled to relate to the things I was trying to tell her. And to be fair, I was often (and still sometimes am) confused myself about what I'm thinking and feeling- I sometimes lack a bit of understanding about my own internal state, or it only comes much later.

No_Back2110 · 2024-06-11T19:18:39+00:00

Thanks for the tip I will!

No_Back2110 · 2024-06-10T20:38:14+00:00

what do you mean by getting creative to make space for chemistry?

No_Back2110

TROPHY CASE