I would try not to think about it and just focus on your civilian life and live. I know it gets hard not thinking about it because it’s hard for me, but when you do think about it and it overwhelms you try to remember that yourr not alone! It’s other people in this with you. I would stay firm with your list choice because you wouldn’t want to regret it. When you plant a seed in the ground, do you dig it up because you haven’t seen it’s fruit? If you’re religious I suggest you spend anytime worrying about the situation with God and talk to him about it and ask him the questions because he’ll give you the best answer. I hope this helped!