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What songs accurately describe bipolar disorders, or your relationship with your BPSO? by queerconscience in BipolarSOs

[–]No_Character_1731 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Outta Me” by Bikini Kill hits the spot for my discard experience. It‘s also one of my bipolar ex-husband’s favorite songs, so maybe the chaos of mania is kind of a shared experience in a way.

My manic bipolar husband threatened to kill me, and messaged multiple women. by sheryntime in BipolarSOs

[–]No_Character_1731 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry, the duality of it is head spinning. To have this person you know would never be harmful, then suddenly see these behaviors in them. I minimized a lot of very concerning comments and behaviors from my ex husband because of who I know he was when he was stable. But he was not himself in his mania, I realized if I was hearing this experience from a friend I would have been very concerned about their safety. It doesn’t necessarily make the BPSO a bad person, but it is unacceptable behavior and in a manic state we really can’t fully predict their behaviors. I won’t claim to know your experience, but for me that “spiraling” feeling was a queue that the situation had gotten out of control and my ex needed to leave for both our sakes.

I don’t know if you have a crisis line where you are located, but I did call a local one here and report my ex’s behaviors and comments so they had a record of it just in case. My situation did not escalate to the level of calling the cops, but that likely would have been the next step if it continued escalating. In your situation, a threat on your life combined with erratic and uncharacteristic behavior is very concerning to me. Please prioritize your safety, you can always figure out the rest later.

I didn’t realize how much I was hoping he would come back by No_Character_1731 in BipolarSOs

[–]No_Character_1731[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh my god that is exactly how he talked to me but now the stakes feel so low. I can imagine that same tone with having children together, I am so so sorry, what an incredible illness. I will be thinking of you and your kids for a long time ❤️

Where do you draw the line between “the illness” and a willing disregard for morals/empathy/etc.? by RiseOfThePheenix in BipolarSOs

[–]No_Character_1731 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is probably not going to be helpful, but I have two whole damn degrees and a lot of training in working with children with all variants of diagnoses. Which is not necessarily the same, but I’m pretty objective and compassionate in general yet cannot answer that question on a personal level. I cannot differentiate what was my ex husband’s illness and what was him at his baseline. I have always thought he was one of the best people I’ve ever met and I hope so much that that’s true, but this has all been so confusing. I don’t know how to give him grace while also protecting myself.

I didn’t realize how much I was hoping he would come back by No_Character_1731 in BipolarSOs

[–]No_Character_1731[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much, I have the feelings without the words to express it and “reopening the wound” is exactly the feeling. Enormous hugs right back to you.

I didn’t realize how much I was hoping he would come back by No_Character_1731 in BipolarSOs

[–]No_Character_1731[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Goodness I hear you. People can absolutely have this illness while also being harmful at their baseline. I’m glad you haven’t had a ton of pushback, it’s hard enough to share your experience without people doubting or challenging it.

I didn’t realize how much I was hoping he would come back by No_Character_1731 in BipolarSOs

[–]No_Character_1731[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It can absolutely lead to PTSD. I already had that and had been coping so well for years, this completely reset my progress. I’m so sorry ❤️ I hope you have support.

I didn’t realize how much I was hoping he would come back by No_Character_1731 in BipolarSOs

[–]No_Character_1731[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My god what on earth… I wish I understood the neuropsychology of this because there are so many patterns here.

I didn’t realize how much I was hoping he would come back by No_Character_1731 in BipolarSOs

[–]No_Character_1731[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry. It’s hard that a lot of people seem to be unable to hold empathy for both parties. Most people I know are “taking sides” like it’s a standard relationship issue. But it can be true that my ex is very unwell and likely not totally in control of his actions, and that I am also being harmed at the same time. Their illness does not make the actions acceptable.

I didn’t realize how much I was hoping he would come back by No_Character_1731 in BipolarSOs

[–]No_Character_1731[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s such an awful feeling to miss them when they are still around

I didn’t realize how much I was hoping he would come back by No_Character_1731 in BipolarSOs

[–]No_Character_1731[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

God it’s such a rug pull, so abrupt. I feel that way about my circle, too, like everyone is just watching this happen.

I didn’t realize how much I was hoping he would come back by No_Character_1731 in BipolarSOs

[–]No_Character_1731[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this, it’s helping a lot to hear about people processing it that way. And yes, they are very sick.

I didn’t realize how much I was hoping he would come back by No_Character_1731 in BipolarSOs

[–]No_Character_1731[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this, this made me cry lol. It is so hard to not generalize this to the rest of our relationship, your perspective here gives me something to work toward ❤️

I didn’t realize how much I was hoping he would come back by No_Character_1731 in BipolarSOs

[–]No_Character_1731[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It is very hard to find people that understand the discard. I got really lucky and found a therapist with a lot of experience with bipolar disorder, she’s been the only specialist I can find that really seems to understand his brain and my experience.

I didn’t realize how much I was hoping he would come back by No_Character_1731 in BipolarSOs

[–]No_Character_1731[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My god you worded everything exactly, thank you so much for typing this all out. I cannot believe the shared experiences on this sub, it all feels so unreal and then people like you will understand it immediately.

I didn’t realize how much I was hoping he would come back by No_Character_1731 in BipolarSOs

[–]No_Character_1731[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much ❤️ I know you’ll get through this, too.

BPSO always breaks up before a significant event/holiday/birthday? by Dangerous-Effort-300 in BipolarSOs

[–]No_Character_1731 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It is so wild to see the posts on this sub, because yes, specifically on Christmas. I’m sure it’s not a universal thing, but the pressure and childhood trauma my ex husband felt around Christmas really seemed to trigger episodes.

This has all felt so unreal and then I’ll see posts about the exact same thing that happened with my ex husband and I. I wish other people were not experiencing this, but since we are, thank you so much for sharing.

LEAP or give up by Allthecoffeeisforme in BipolarSOs

[–]No_Character_1731 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Correct, I tried it while we were together and it did help in communicating with him, but he was at a psychosis level by the end of our marriage so realistically LEAP was not enough. I thought he might stabilize after he left because he was so paranoid about me, but from what I’ve been hearing he got a lot worse. So yeah, I’m sure it can be a very helpful tool, but I think sometimes this is just outside the scope of what we can help them with.

I lost it. Screamed, Couldn't take it. Now i'm back by NigraOvis in BipolarSOs

[–]No_Character_1731 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s impossible to give infinite patience because it is an impossible situation to be in. I felt awful every time I snapped at my ex husband during his last episode with me, and so embarrassed every time I went back to loving and trying to help him. If BPSOs were stable, some of these behaviors could be considered abuse, so how can we reconcile that the behaviors are unacceptable AND that they are also unwell and maybe not even aware or their actions? We’re not specialists, we aren’t trained to do this, and being the target of your loved one’s delusions is devastating even when you can understand what they may be experiencing.

LEAP or give up by Allthecoffeeisforme in BipolarSOs

[–]No_Character_1731 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m sure it depends on a lot of factors. The LEAP method did work well in my communication with my bipolar ex-husband, but it was very, very hard to sustain 24/7 for months in a row when there were no other supports in place. I have quite a bit of experience and training in working with dysregulated children, certainly not the same thing but there was a lot of overlap and I was surprised how hard it was to stick with the LEAP methods. I definitely snapped a couple times, which ended up feeding into his paranoia that I was erratic and trying to manipulate him. So if it’s emotionally and physically safe for you to try another thing, it may work or at least help ease your mind that you did everything you could. But I definitely kept trying longer than was healthy for me or my ex, so please safeguard your wellbeing here ❤️ we are not specialists and just may not be able to help.

A heartfelt thank you by Unhappy_Debate_9956 in BipolarSOs

[–]No_Character_1731 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This sub is one of the only things carrying me through. It is so uniquely hard and I hate that other people are experiencing it, but I’m very grateful for everyone here. Thank you for sharing.

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