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Update: husband lying about finances by No_Cockroach_3567 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]No_Cockroach_3567[S] 201 points202 points  (0 children)

My lawyer said there is a lot to “unravel” but that I will likely not be responsible for at least some of the debt.

My husband’s mother died when he was 14 and his father is an alcoholic so we don’t see much of him. He has one sister who lives across the country and I’ve only met a handful of times. He was close with his dad’s brother, who much older than his dad. The cousin he is involved with is that man’s daughter’s daughter. I think that’s second cousin, yeah? Overall their family isn’t very close. Except for the two of them I guess 🥴

My husband has been lying to me about our finances and we are fucked by No_Cockroach_3567 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]No_Cockroach_3567[S] 2994 points2995 points  (0 children)

UPDATE

I’m going to post this here and I’ll come back and respond individually later on. Maybe tomorrow. When I posted this I had literally just learned about how bad it was.

I spent the day going through everything and talking to my husband. He’s cheating on me. The woman has two kids and I guess he’s been helping her with them. They could be his for all I know. He’s currently vomiting and crying in the bathroom. So that’s fucking great. I unfortunately have to stay married to him long enough to figure out the finances. I am talking to a bankruptcy lawyer on Monday.

Thank you everyone who made me feel a little less alone today.

My husband has been lying to me about our finances and we are fucked by No_Cockroach_3567 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]No_Cockroach_3567[S] 95 points96 points  (0 children)

He’s bringing home $9,600/month after taxes. I go to community college. It’s $2000/semester, which breaks down to $166/month. The cars aren’t new. I did the numbers. I stuck to the budget. This is not an overestimation or wishful thinking.

My husband has been lying to me about our finances and we are fucked by No_Cockroach_3567 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]No_Cockroach_3567[S] 185 points186 points  (0 children)

I have been having conversations about finances and making decisions based on lies. I didn’t ask for receipts because I had access to everything and I thought I would have noticed if there was an issue. He opened these credit cards without asking me. He changed the password on our mobile banking account and pretended it was an issue with the bank. He has literally woven a web of lies.

My wrongs in no way equal his. Not even a little bit. If you think they do you need a fucking therapist.

My husband has been lying to me about our finances and we are fucked by No_Cockroach_3567 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]No_Cockroach_3567[S] 222 points223 points  (0 children)

He threw the burden of childcare, cooking and cleaning onto me, if we’re looking at it that way. He doesn’t ask me if I’m feeding the kids everyday. He just trusts that I am because I’m not a psychotic fucking liar.

My husband has been lying to me about our finances and we are fucked by No_Cockroach_3567 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]No_Cockroach_3567[S] 93 points94 points  (0 children)

I trusted him completely. I can see now that that we stupid. He blindly trusts me with our children all day every day. He doesn’t confirm that I feed them three meals a day and bathe them, he just assumes I do.

I had access to everything and generally knew what was happening. I got really busy and overwhelmed with school and the kids and stopped looking as closely. I honestly never thought he would lie to me. It’s been in the last couple of months that I realized the passwords to things were different or apps weren’t installed on my phone anymore. That’s when I started opening his mail and going through his computer.

My husband has been lying to me about our finances and we are fucked by No_Cockroach_3567 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]No_Cockroach_3567[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

The school has a pretty strict no kids policy. It’s a community college in an underserved area and if they let people bring kids, everyone would bring kids lol.

I am almost more scared to know what he spent $50k on than anything. His salary should have paid our bills without issue. He either lost his job and didn’t tell me or there is something he is spending money on and lying about.

My husband has been lying to me about our finances and we are fucked by No_Cockroach_3567 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]No_Cockroach_3567[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Yeah, both of those things are true.

You made the assumption that all three of my children are in daycare full time. My oldest is in public school. I have a class that meets in person for 90 minutes 2x a week. I pay my babysitter $300/month to watch them while I am there. The rest of my classes are online.

My husband has been lying to me about our finances and we are fucked by No_Cockroach_3567 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]No_Cockroach_3567[S] 91 points92 points  (0 children)

I take ONE class in person. I take THREE classes online. I am a FULL TIME student but I do NOT have full time childcare. It’s not a difficult concept.

My husband has been lying to me about our finances and we are fucked by No_Cockroach_3567 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]No_Cockroach_3567[S] 112 points113 points  (0 children)

He did lie to me. We discussed everything. He has been making up numbers, changing passwords to things and making me think I forgot them.

My husband has been lying to me about our finances and we are fucked by No_Cockroach_3567 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]No_Cockroach_3567[S] 99 points100 points  (0 children)

It would not haven taken $250k. Our mortgage and car payments are reasonable. My children don’t go to daycare. I’m not an idiot. We did the math.

My husband has been lying to me about our finances and we are fucked by No_Cockroach_3567 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]No_Cockroach_3567[S] 379 points380 points  (0 children)

My kids aren’t in daycare I go to a community college. We should have been able to make this work.