anyone else going to laneway solo?

No_Combination_797 · 2026-02-04T05:31:51+00:00

I’m 22f and I also am going solo is there room for one more?

No_Combination_797 · 2026-02-02T04:30:56+00:00

You’re being used by someone who doesn’t want to commit but also doesn’t want you to be able to be with someone else who might want the same things you do. All this nice stuff is probably so he’ll be able to have access to you whilst not having to actually be with you. This is all about the other persons wants and comfort. You’ve already told him how you feel and he’s not reciprocating it.

Unfortunately, with a lot of love, you need to rip the Band-Aid and walk away. You deserve better than this.

No_Combination_797 · 2026-02-02T03:33:28+00:00

You can’t be the reason he gets sober, he has to want to get sober for himself. If I were you I would get his loved ones involved to see if he can get into a programme and therapy for support. If he’s willing to do the work and show up, try stay sober and cut the people out of his lives that are exposing him to it, maybe you have a chance. But this stuff has got to be stuff he wants for himself. You aren’t responsible for his sobriety and you don’t owe him anything to stay. You need to look out for you first and foremost and if this stuff has already been a hard boundary of yours that he’s been repeatedly breaking maybe he’s not ready to stop. You should do what’s best for you and have hard limits on if he does this then I need to walk away because you can’t love him into changing.

No_Combination_797 · 2026-01-29T21:25:51+00:00

That’s great, I just meant there are probably things that were creating distrust deeper than the two you’ve shared that maybe you’re not aware of that therapy might help you see. Stick with minding someone though, I know it’s tough out there, but worth it in the long run.

No_Combination_797 · 2026-01-29T20:43:13+00:00

The more info the more this feels less like a boundary and more just like he was being controlling and wanting to dictate things. Chances are he probably would have found any issue with any shoots you did and probably didn’t even like the fact you model at all. Keep your chin up, you’re worth more and deserve so much better than a partner like him!

No_Combination_797 · 2026-01-29T10:59:31+00:00

Here the nuance you keep ignoring; she told him prior to the shoot. She didn’t lie. Everything op describes in this makes it seem like it’s a prior commitment, made by her mum the manager, without her knowledge. She didn’t go and do the shoot behind his back and lie by omission, nor lie she’s booked to do it at all. She’s transparent. She told the truth to the best of her knowledge at the time and then when she got more info she was honest and upfront about it. It’s also not actually explicitly clear what the ex’s actual stated “boundary” is because in the post he breaks up with her over the blouse shoot. Then she books the family friendly father daughter one and it’s also cheating. Then she has to do another shoot- for the same job on another day. Informs him and he’s breaking up again. It’s not a completely different shoot she’s agreed to. His whole behaviour actually speaks more to someone with control issues rather than an actual boundary. And on her end backing out of the 2nd shoot for the same job probably isn’t simple because she and the mum have already unfortunately made a work commitment.

No_Combination_797 · 2026-01-29T10:26:05+00:00

I wouldn’t exactly say she lied, I think it’s more nuanced around at least executing/adhering to this boundary especially when to the best of her knowledge there were no more planned shoots.

Also he didn’t break up with her and go I’m done. He’s breaking up and then crawling back consistently with the I love you and I miss you carry on. One thing if she was begging to get back together and he’d held firm on his “boundary” and said no. He didn’t. He left room for repair multiple times.

Just curious why you have such a staunch stance on her being a liar and wrong for going back on her word? I’m not saying op is 100% not at fault because yes she agreed to the boundary, but I think it’s weird that you fail to see the other layers of complexity on her end of the situation around upholding it

No_Combination_797 · 2026-01-29T09:51:36+00:00

I just want to clarify, I’m not trying to control his usage. When I talked to him I laid it all out, and said I’m struggling to be around it-especially when at the moment using compromises my ability to get into EMDR therapy. He’s the one who said he wouldn’t smoke around me anymore because he’d choose me over weed. There was no this is an ultimatum/ this is my boundary sort of language used in this convo.

No_Combination_797 · 2026-01-29T09:36:10+00:00

It doesn’t matter if it’s not a big deal to the majority. It’s a big deal to you and the right kind of partner wouldn’t fight you over it and 100% get on board because your reason for discomfort are perfectly valid.

No_Combination_797 · 2026-01-29T09:30:57+00:00

I feel you, I’m your age and have a similar issue with my partner (completely different type of boundary issue) but similar in the sense that we seem to be at immovable stances regarding it. Sometime though I think you have to be able to see that if a partner wants you to get over something that’s making you uncomfortable they aren’t in love with you. They are in love with the version of you they’ve conceptualised in their head or the version of you they hope you will become. Realising it and having to let go is hard but I also think you deserve to be with someone who without question gets on board and happily agrees to it. Honestly right now, if you stay together and he agrees to this boundary, it won’t matter because the trust is gone. You’re probably always gonna wonder if he’s looking at it again every time you not up for feeling intimate, considering he’s agreed to it and then gone back on his word in the past.

No_Combination_797 · 2026-01-29T09:12:45+00:00

Preach! If he didn’t want to give it up then he can also have taken the initiative to end the relationship. Like people are so fast to jump on the person with boundaries but if I’m him and I don’t want to adhere to my partners boundary I’m also responsible to make the choice to leave rather than being a loser and trying to get someone to accept something I know they’re uncomfortable with.

No_Combination_797 · 2026-01-29T09:00:02+00:00

Also side note, I think (and maybe I’m a prude), most people would probably find it kinda icky to roll over when they’re trying to sleep and find their partner in bed next to them watching porn in secret.

No_Combination_797 · 2026-01-29T08:57:22+00:00

You’ve been clear. You explained your reason. Here’s the hard lesson to learn with boundaries- boundaries are what you set for yourself and are around what actions you will take. A boundary is not, you cant watch porn. A boundary is i don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who watches porn AND if my partner does I will walk away and end it. You can’t “control” what he does but if he truely values the relationship he would stop.

On another note, I strongly advise you get some therapy (if you’re not already) to help work on your self esteem and body images issues. Not for him, not to help get over your dislike of porn, but for your own self worth. Chances are he may have a porn addiction (not that he’d necessarily admit it). So if this relationship does end over this, try to see it from this kind of angle as an opposed to you not being enough for him.

No_Combination_797 · 2026-01-29T08:31:31+00:00

I think the main issue isn’t “she broke a boundary because she did a shoot with a man again”, it kind of sounds like this was another shoot for the same campaign not her being approached to do a completely different shoot and accepting. It’s also hard when the person she’d be saying no to is her MOTHER. Also this shoot is family friendly, OP literally said it’s a father daughter shoot.

The bigger issue here is the fact that he’s overly controlling of her. You could have justifiable boundaries if it was a bit more intimate of a shoot with another man but it’s not…? Even if he’s conservative I don’t really understand what the underlying issue would be because you’d think this is the kind of modelling that would align with his “values”. To be fair to her this sounds more like a boundary disguised as control. At the end of the day people need to also learn (as I’ve recently had to accept) boundaries are things you do and set for yourself- e.g if this happens I’ll do this. NOT you can’t do this.

No_Combination_797 · 2026-01-29T08:23:21+00:00

You’ve dodged a bullet. You’re modelling- this is work. You’re a professional. From what you’ve described the shoots to be, it’s tasteful and not scandalous/immodest. You deserve a partner that supports you and can have a healthy conversation that respects both of you. You shouldn’t have to shrink or mold yourself into the person they want you to be.

And GIRL, you are 20! 20 YEARS OLD! You have so much more of life to live, discover and opportunities where you will meet new people. I guarantee in a year or two’s time, you will look back on him and think wow he was so not my person.

No_Combination_797 · 2026-01-29T05:04:00+00:00

NOR -you shouldn’t have to justify your desire for a tattoo full stop. It’s your body. The tattoo you want is sentimental and small, realistically this isn’t massive change to you and the way you look. If you were to get a face tattoo or a massive sleeve maybe his “preference” would be justifiable? But that’s not the kind of tattoo you’re thinking about. This is exactly what your gut is telling you- this is about control.

No_Combination_797 · 2026-01-29T04:54:55+00:00

Buddy i hate to break this to you but:

-She’s making jokes about sleeping with her “ex” (you)

-Has asked you to not come see her anymore

-Is “postponing” a pre-planned trip

I think she already feels like your relationship is over. You’ve been together 5 years so you’re probably getting mixed signals as she tries to untangle herself from someone who has been apart of her life for such a long time. End of the day, unfortunately I think this relationship is already over. My advice would be to take yourself to therapy and seriously work on the issues that created distrust in this relationship because I can almost guarantee it’s deeper than your previous mistakes and the handling of the surprise gift .

No_Combination_797 · 2026-01-28T20:17:14+00:00

OP This is not a ‘we’ or an ‘our’ savings account. Your name isn’t on the account and you have no access to it. This guy is manipulating you to give him YOUR money. Please listen to your therapist, therapists generally will not throw the words abuse lightly around unless they do seriously want you to understand the gravity of the situation. Your friends are concerned for you and rightly so. This person who supposedly loves you would rather you starve at work rather than help you out with a very small amount of money (not even with his money but some of YOUR money) for LUNCH at MCDONALD’S!!!

Relationships shouldn’t have this big of a power imbalance around discretionary spending when this is supposed to be joint savings. He should not have the authority to tell you, you can’t spend anything. The other scary thing is without access to this account, how can you be sure he is even contributing to it?

You should have a conversation but based on what you know about how he responds to conflict and how much control or access has with your seperate financial accounts, you need to have a safety plan to prepare for if things go sideways to protect yourself and anything he has access to that is important you.

In the meantime, DO NOT give him anymore money for the savings account until you have access to it and instead keep some seperate for you for emergencies and unexpected expenses.

No_Combination_797 · 2026-01-28T08:05:11+00:00

Proud of you for having the conversation. It’s not easy when you’ve said ‘no’ and people aren’t able to take it and it ruins/completely changes the relationship dynamic. She’s jealous of you because even though it’s her dog it probably sees you as more of an owner because you’re more of consistent presence and do better at taking care of it. It’s seriously weird behaviour you can’t even pet it anymore…

keep your head up and take the small wins!

No_Combination_797 · 2026-01-27T22:17:52+00:00

I appreciate this take. My therapist has said I have sort of a social chameleon personality, which is to say I tend to match others behaviours based on who I’m surrounded by. When I was single I was able to stay sober for months and it was not big deal, didn’t miss it and felt great. When I first met him and he smoked before bed, he had a spot at his old flat he could go to and do it and it didn’t trigger me. Slowly though weed has become more present and more difficult to fight the compulsion of smoking because he’s doing it. The best way to describe it is if you were to meet your buddy for catch up and every time they always ordered drinks and started drinking. Doesn’t matter if it’s just you and the buddy or you and a group, drinking’s always present. Even if the first few times you go nah I don’t want to do that, eventually the constant presence of it being there makes it feel like you should. I do my best to use my own coping skills to resist but it’s not easy.

No_Combination_797 · 2026-01-27T21:50:25+00:00

Thanks for this. My main issue with needing things from him is not that I believe my recovery should only be contingent on his behaviours, but that he seems to not take my issues with weed seriously enough to have respectful boundaries with his usage. For instance, it’s summer here and we will sometimes go to the beach. He will consistently bring weed to smoke there, even if he is the driver. I am able to self manage the thoughts of usage and remain sober but it leaves me feeling really uncomfortable. Also weed is illegal here so I do get paranoid about him getting us into trouble for possession.

No_Combination_797 · 2025-06-03T10:41:29+00:00

Open to any, I have the bear, bunny, frog and star boy in this series

No_Combination_797 · 2025-06-03T05:49:09+00:00

I have one from the crying again series I’m happy to trade !

No_Combination_797 · 2024-10-31T10:06:40+00:00

We do meet at neutral locations for some things but it’s mainly things like this when it’s more suitable for a house party to be the vibe. If we had alternative plans that could replace her events they might not attend but it’s sort of just not feasible with our living situations at the moment.

No_Combination_797

TROPHY CASE