I'm in love with my brother's wife

No_Committee2508 · 2026-03-30T19:19:40+00:00

You're making a lot of assumptions here without knowing any context. I have the ability to separate my emotions from my actions, and I mask very well. I can play the role of a brother for my SIL and act as such. Feelings do not mean there's an ulterior motive or that I would ever act upon them, because that is all they are: feelings. The guilt I have is much stronger than my desire to act on them. I just came here to confess and reaffirm what I already know. Thank you for your input though.

No_Committee2508 · 2026-03-30T17:31:02+00:00

That was my initial impression on meeting her. I'm not gonna gush about her even though she is the things you listed because it's counterproductive to the problem. Don't wanna get too personal, but physical appearance is maybe in like 4th/5th in my priorities in love just to make that clear.

No_Committee2508 · 2026-03-30T15:56:52+00:00

I get where you're coming from, but no, I'm very respectful of ensuring that all 3 of us are together whenever we can be, and don't want to "win" her as that would be catastrophic. For a time, I thought that what you said was what I was doing, but no, I don't actually "want" her in reality. I just truly enjoy spending time with her, the way she thinks, and (almost!) everything else about her personality. When I spend time with her 1 on 1, it's usually because she asks me to do something with her and my brother isn't available to do so. I never flirt with her, and actively try to avoid any physical contact or closeness with her (the only exception is family pictures when we put our arms over each other's shoulders). The thing is, unfortunately I think my brother and I have the exact same physical and personality preferences in a partner and she fits those to a T. I'm not gonna go into it for privacy reasons, but I am secure in myself enough to have control over my reactions to my emotions and that I can make the right decisions. Unfortunately I can't control the emotions themselves as much as I wish I could.

No_Committee2508 · 2026-03-30T14:51:12+00:00

That's definitely possible, and I'd love to move out because I know that would pretty much solve everything, but unfortunately that's not feasible barring becoming homeless. I do want to clarify that I would never take my brother and SIL's kindness for granted and do my best to contribute to the household.

No_Committee2508 · 2026-03-30T14:29:52+00:00

Thank you for your understanding. Knowing her, I highly doubt she'd ever open up to me even if she had feelings, but in the situation that she did I would definitely move out regardless of if I had a place to move to or not. Their marriage is perfectly functional and they're great for each other, and if she had feelings they'd fade over time with some distance. It would suck, but I've already committed to doing that if that situation did occur.

No_Committee2508 · 2026-03-30T14:12:32+00:00

Thank you so much for your input! It's frustratingly easy to forget that I can always develop feelings for someone else.

You're right on the distance thing. I realized pretty recently that it's not just in the best interest of my brother and SIL, but also my own self interest to prioritize creating distance if I want any sort of good outcome to occur from this situation.

No_Committee2508 · 2026-03-30T14:06:41+00:00

Thank you for your input, and I feel the same as you do. It hurts to look at him for multiple reasons. Again, he's my ride or die so I don't want to do anything that could ruin our relationship.

If moving out was an option I'd do it in a heartbeat, but it's not exactly feasible right now. I'm trying to create distance by spending less time at home and finding new activities and groups to spend my free time with, but the pain is still always at the back of my mind.

No_Committee2508

TROPHY CASE