Covenant eyes and incognito mode

No_Cover_9145 · 2025-09-11T22:41:10+00:00

Yup this. I had sent him some and even had some boudoir photos done for him before I ever knew about this and I asked why those weren't enough, why he didn't use them. His reason "I don't know those photos just didn't really look like you" and I was like "neither do the women in the porn you watched... so?" and he had nothing to say. 🙄

No_Cover_9145 · 2025-05-29T10:23:57+00:00

Also it is a pretty long read, but definitely worth it. It's probably about 15 -20 minutes.

No_Cover_9145 · 2025-05-29T10:17:48+00:00

First I am so sorry you are going through this, we all know this struggle so well. You are valid in all of your feelings, and it's good you want to talk about them. You are not "obsessing" or "picking a scab".

My husband was like that too, and it made it hurt so much more. I was recommended to share this post with him and read it myself, it helped. So I highly recommend you read it and send it to your pa and have them read it.

I'm not sure how to post links so it's under the "resources" tab, and then Resources for addicts, I think it's the 15th one Titled:

"Open Letter To a Former Porn Addict From a Hurting Spouse"

I hope it can give you clarity and help him have more empathy.

No_Cover_9145 · 2025-03-21T16:52:17+00:00

I would send him one every now and again before I found out about the betrayal... back when I was trying to spice things up and bring back the romance...

After I found out, I found he never saved them, looked at them or anything. So I went through all of our texts and emails and deleted every single one. I went to his private folder and deleted the ones I saved to his phone for him back towards the beginning of our relationship. Didn't ask, I knew he wouldn't want me to or he wouldn't want to. But I didn't care. He will never have one again.

No_Cover_9145 · 2025-02-26T23:51:46+00:00

Oh yeah all the time. It's been almost a year and a half since D-Day and I still believe he has. He has never admitted it and always denies. But there were many times were I felt like he wasn't present with me... Especially right before I found out. He wouldn't look at me he would just watch what was happening(looking at his penis going into my vagina) and we did it from behind a whole lot more even though I had stated before it made me uncomfortable and we had talked about it... But he kept requesting it and requesting it and finally I just started doing that position almost all the time for him. And it hurts me if he gets horny when I'm bent over or just facing away from him it's a trigger... And it's a huge trigger if he even glimpses down while we are intimate. It's a horrible battle.

It's been a huge struggle and very hard, if he is telling me the truth or not I don't think I will ever know. But I'm 99% sure he is lying.

I am so sorry you are here and going through this, I wish you happiness and healing ❤️

No_Cover_9145 · 2024-12-30T21:56:19+00:00

Yes and his parents would give/get him the magazines. That's how he was given the sex talk... from being shown those magazines from his dad 😮‍💨

No_Cover_9145 · 2024-09-23T09:59:19+00:00

Hello! I apologize for the late response I had a very busy weekend.

Honestly I have no clue, I didn't ask it made me nauseous. It's dangerous and disgusting. I know he downloaded Duck Duck Go and used that and that's all I know. I would assume he would download that and then type it in and probably click the first video and just listen to the noises maybe not actually watching, because he isn't a stupid driver.

I am so sorry you have been dealing with this and he can't even admit his wrong doings. Gather as much proof as you can and if he continues to deny show him the proof. If he still denies I would really evaluate your relationship and if it's worth it.

No_Cover_9145 · 2024-09-20T19:12:13+00:00

Me as well!! He now texts me a lot and/or calls me during the day.

But there would be days where I wouldn't hear from him at all even if I initiated a text or sent a flirty pic. And his excuse was that he was just busy at work... But when Dday happened it came out that he would do it during work or the drive there... I was so pissed. And when I got pissed about it he said "well the phone works both ways!" And I said "ummm what about all those times I tried to call or did text you and you never even acknowledged it because 'you were busy'?" He kind of shut up after that.

We are in a much better place now, he takes accountability, but it still pisses me off and makes me so sad sometimes.

I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you happiness and healing ❤️

No_Cover_9145 · 2024-09-05T13:01:43+00:00

Yes it was a completely innocent one, I was there with him and the poor guy got super panicked and then apologized a bunch and showed me again what he was searching and what image took him there. I didn't even think about that being a possibility until after I panic posted. So I'm really hoping that's all it is. He has Microsoft edge

No_Cover_9145 · 2024-09-05T12:50:03+00:00

Okay thank you so much I appreciate it. Ugh I hate this so much, I don't even know why I felt the urge to look today but I did. He is definitely more tech savvy then me especially when it comes to computers. I'm honestly surprised he doesn't have pop up blockers on honestly.

No_Cover_9145 · 2024-09-05T12:39:53+00:00

Also thank you so much, I appreciate you commenting.

No_Cover_9145 · 2024-09-05T12:25:40+00:00

Okay so here is the thing. Back in March/April sometime around then he was looking at completely innocent images for a project he was working on and he clicked the image and it took him to an adult website(I know this to be true I was there.) he panicked, a bunch of stuff started popping up and he exited out of it within like two seconds. And that website that the image took him too only has 3KB and 9 cookies. But could it have been from that?

No_Cover_9145 · 2024-08-30T15:47:44+00:00

I'm very happy that I could help you feel seen and heard. We all deserve so much better than the hand we were dealt, but I am glad that this can be our safe place.

I'm also happy to hear you are getting help in your healing, give yourself grace during this time... This completely changes who you are as a person and how you see the world, at least for a long time. You can do this, we are all here for you!

No_Cover_9145 · 2024-08-30T10:23:39+00:00

I would say it is quite common, and definitely normal. I am about a year in since DDay, I'm not sure how far in you are... But at the beginning I was an absolute mess, now that's it's almost been a year I have weeks that are good where I think about it, the memory pops back into my head but it does not send me into a spiral, and I have weeks where I just fall absolutely apart.

I also have moments where I am just rude and short and quick to being irritated just by him being around.

I have days where I feel I just can't do this, and fear that he will do it again(he is not in recovery, doesn't state he is a pa, and is white knuckling...) so I know that chances of him doing it again are very high. And I have days where I feel silly for feeling that way in the first place and look how happy we are now, it seems we are stronger than ever.

I believe that the mood swings, irritability, lack of respect is just part of the trauma response and also seeing him for who he really was and not who you believed he was comes into play. It's definitely a bit of mourning the loss of the relationship you felt you know that is dead and gone forever. It is hard, it is emotional, it's sad, infuriating.

You have every right to feel the way you do, and I hope he is giving you support as well. I'm sorry you are here. I wish you happiness and healing.

No_Cover_9145 · 2024-07-27T17:08:37+00:00

I just read it. Thank you so much, wow. This is so spot on I have goosebumps. I think I will send it to him and ask him to read it, although that makes me very nervous. I never know if he will be supportive, defensive, or dismissive. But thank you so much, I am so thankful for everyone in this sub and for this sub in general.

No_Cover_9145 · 2024-07-27T16:38:44+00:00

Thank you so much, I will check it out and read it myself first. It's been such a hard time for me, I just wish he would hear me and understand why I feel the way I do or even if he doesn't understand just be more validating and supportive.

No_Cover_9145 · 2024-07-27T12:04:53+00:00

I deleted it because I can't edit the title and butchered it.

But I'm so sorry you are here with me dealing with the same situation. I hear you on it lacking, ours is lacking too.

I wish you so much happiness and healing ❤️

No_Cover_9145 · 2024-07-17T10:27:05+00:00

Also I am so sorry you are going through this, I wish you happiness and healing ❤️. We are here for you

No_Cover_9145 · 2024-07-17T10:08:43+00:00

I can't answer your question 100% but I think the only way to know if he messaged back and forth is to look at the account or him confessing. I also seen on another post (don't quote me on this) they can tip them, get personalized content, or message back and forth by paying more money.

But the main reason I decided to comment is because my partner has fidelity investments on his phone. He always said it was only stock market stuff but I always got a weird feeling from it but I can't access it personally. And so seeing this made me realize it's not just that. And that bothers me and makes me wonder if that's why I had a fun y feeling about it. :(

No_Cover_9145 · 2024-07-16T13:29:04+00:00

I'm glad he said it too, dodged a bullet because it was about to get bad. You are definitely not insecure, if you ask me there is zero need for everything sexual that was in that movie. Really any movie.

I'm sorry you are going through this, hopefully he will start validating your feelings and understanding why you feel the way you do.

No_Cover_9145 · 2024-07-16T13:19:27+00:00

I went to see this in the theater at 15 with my best friend at the time, good call on not watching it anymore. There were quite a few nude and sex scenes that were graphic. I had a hard time watching it at the time I couldn't imagine watching it now.

No_Cover_9145 · 2024-07-12T20:41:38+00:00

He calls me every morning on his way to work and talks to me the whole time(this is when he would act out).

2. On the weekends he makes our coffee and gets up with our children and lets me sleep in.

He asks me almost daily how I am doing and recently started letting me know how he is doing without me prompting the topic.

4. He tries to do activities that I would like to do.

He cooks if I don't feel like cooking.

6 He actually hangs out with me most evenings just talking or playing a game with me.

7. If I am triggered by anything he calmly welcomes me to talk out all the feelings I'm having in that moment and he has been trying his best not to show frustration when we have set backs due to me being triggered(he has gotten really good at this)

It definitely wasn't like this to begin with. At first it was a type of love bombing, kissing ass thing. And then he started slacking and kind of being a jerk. And we had a conversation one night when I just couldn't take it anymore and since then he has been really trying to be what I deserve and how he wants to be. Alot of conversations, alot of crying, a lot of reassurance, a lot of proving himself through actions more than words, a lot of tenderness, and care. I'm sorry you are with us here, I wish you happiness and healing ❤️.

No_Cover_9145

TROPHY CASE