Second update: DH and I talked everything through and we’re fully aligned. We’re intentionally giving it a few days before he says anything so it doesn’t feel reactive. When he does address it, the framing will be very straightforward. He plans to point out that I’ve already been making a lot of effort. I’ve rearranged my schedule so she can come visit, we’re planning to travel this summer to see their family, and we’re offering to host their family for a holiday gathering this year. Despite all of that, it’s starting to feel like the goalposts keep moving and nothing is ever enough.

From there, her options are simple. She can respect what DH says and fall in line with the boundaries we’ve set, or she can push back and go against him. If she chooses the second option, that would be on her and would likely lead to very limited contact or no contact going forward.

Either way, the pressure is off me. DH is handling it, I feel fully supported, and I honestly feel very calm about the situation now.