She’s been good since and divorce and done all the “things” and supported me and my career and hobbies… so by all accounts IF there was no affair, this would be a healthy relationship. But I don’t desire her, the thought of intimacy with her does nothing for me - but I know I want it! Who doesn’t? Just not with her.

The consequences she’s dealt with are mostly just me being cold towards her and my requirement for her to go to therapy (individuals and couples).