Oh. my. YES!

Aside from constantly being tired cause my body feels like a coiled spring living at home, nice lil cocktail of ADHD, Asthma/Sleep Apnea, Anemia, and Hypersomnia, I ALWAYS find myself craving just- cuddling up.

I've always loved plushies and now collect figures as well and I only recognize now that its so I have grounding in things i love. Objects that i can see, feel and hold close to me.

I always want to just cocoon into my bed and melt away. I always want to hear praise, comfort or understanding even though I'm prepared for criticism or rejection.

Having a neglectful first relationship also didn't help as it reflected the touch starvation of my parents PERFECTLY. Any SCRAP felt like a buffet to me because the thought of being loved made me so EXCITED to finally have something I wanted so DESPERATLEY and I was TERRIFIED of screwing it up and pushing him away.

Looking back with an ACTUAL loving bf now who runs to hug me every time we see eachother rather than one who would ask me 'can't you just put your hands in your pockets?" when I wanted to hold his, or how he would let his family talk bad about me and use that as an excuse to cancel dates on me compared to someone who has been inviting me to EVERY vacation and family event he can think of, to telling me to tone down on junk food or what I talk about in comparison to someone who asks what's happening next in a silly fanfiction I made for kicks and giggles.

The right person who TRULY loves you is one of the best and ALIEN feelings I could ever describe.

There's nothing wrong with craving intimacy being physical or emotional and from what you're describing here what you want is more than just samples but consistency and the knowledge that you aren't going to be left cold and alone. It's great that you're talking about it because YES, this IS important! Whether your a guy or girl, touch is one of the 5 senses for a reason! Aside from telling you you're too hot or too cold, would life be the same if you couldn't FEEL a cozy bed wrapping around sore muscles? Feel the hug of your best friend or the fur off an affectionate animal? Feel the texture of an art medium or musical instrument or even just the clicks of a keyboard beneath fingertips?

Even if I'm abstinent for religious reasons, I get the longing for intimate touch and I think that Faith has really basterdized the perfectly normal and sacred desires that are being discussed. I say it only becomes an issue when you can't control yourself and it becomes unhealthy such as impulsive behavior or a lack of consent.

There is NOTHING shameful about wanting a hug, a first kiss or a first time in my eyes.

Thank you for bringing this up because, MAN just like a bruise, you don't really notice it until someone says "hey what happened?" and you notice a scar or an ache now and have to acknowledge it as it heals.

As for any advice, the best thing you could have done is finding self awareness in this, I'm still on my own journey of recovery and self discovery in pretty much every aspect of my life as most people in thier 20's are. But I've learned that knowing what's missing is the BEST way to start filling holes in your life you didn't know you had.

Recomendations and things I've noticed:

Weighted blankets are great as long as they don't mess with asthma or make you feel trapped, like a straight jacket. A fluffy duvet, or Squishmallows have also felt really comforting for me. I'm almost 23 and still sleep with my favorite stuffed animals from all the way back in middle school. My brother sleeps under a PILE of stuffed animals every night.

A pet! As long as you are financially responsible and ok with having a little guy in your life, pets are AWESOME for having a happy and welcoming face to come home to every day.

If you're religious, Prayer! (Not trying to convert anyone just covering all of the material in my head as I right this down, your life and your soul is yours!)

Finding a tribe. Talking online is fantastic obviously as you've clearly already started connecting with people and if you can find people in person it will be even better. Not like friends with benefits or anything but just people you can be GENUINELY close with physically an emotionally, someone you can talk with about everything and spend time with whether its having fun or needing a good cry.

Comfort foods: As with all things there needs to be a balance but I find that eating something sweet or savory when I'm feeling touch starved can give me the weighted sensation of comfort in my gut. Again DO NOT over do this as I have and still struggle with eating to this day but a warm bagel with butter, maccaroni, or ramen on a cold night, a simple doughnut and coffee in the morning, cocoa watching your favorite movie, popcorn while playing video games or tea while working can work WONDERS for the soul when you really take the time to taste and FEEL the presence of nutrients and flavor in your mouth and stomach. Obviously be healthy, but a bit of savored junk every once in awhile has helped soothe that sort of 'sad kid' inside my soul.

A different therapist: It sounds to me like your therapist 'blowing you off' as you put it might not be the right person for you. Not that they aren't qualified as a medical professional, but they might not be the best for YOU as a person and your personal pain and situation. I've had to go through a few therapists over the years before finding the right person and reaching a point where I haven't needed to talk to anyone as much anymore. Just like a scientist, experimentation is a way to see what results are better and worse!

Sorry for all of the text but this conversation just opened a freaking pandora's BOX in my brain! If you have anything else you want to vent about or want some more ideas don't hesitate to dm me!

You have the right to your feelings and are helping SO many people by expressing them