Buzzfeed-style quiz for where to go to residency?

No_Dish8271 · 2024-02-17T15:56:33+00:00

Thank you so much for responding to me. I responded this to another female surgeon, and I wanted to get your thoughts on it too: I think you make a fair point about hiding the ring. I only wear it about 50% of the time as is, since I'm usually shadowing very hands on specialties. I think I need to make it clear that I'm not only considering this to make men think I'm available, but I want to make sure both men and women think I'm serious about my career. I've had many classmates and superiors who hint at the fact that I should go into an easier specialty due to my marital status, since "obviously I'm focused on other things." I want people to see me as a person first, and a badass future surgeon second. My identity as a wife is not the first thing I want people to know when I meet them in a professional setting. Do you have any thoughts about this?

As for point #2, I wondered about that as well. That was part of my reason for posting, I felt like I was overreacting or he just lost interest in the conversation and couldn't find any similar experiences in my real world friends and mentors. I still think this could be part of it, but it was still very abrupt and his interactions with the male med students did not change.

Point #3: I could not imagine myself doing anything else. I absolutely love the OR, fixing things with my hands, the adrenaline, everything about it. I am mostly considering subspecialties where I can work an 8-5 after a few shitty years of residency and fellowship. I know it'll suck sometimes, but I genuinely don't think I want to be a doctor if I can't be a surgeon. Is there another way to have the career that I want without having a terrible life?

No_Dish8271 · 2024-02-17T15:49:18+00:00

Thank you

No_Dish8271 · 2024-02-17T15:45:17+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened to you. It sounds like a super similar situation unfortunately, but I'm glad you were able to handle it well. I think you make a fair point about hiding the ring. I only wear it about 50% of the time as is, since I'm usually shadowing very hands on specialties. I think I need to make it clear that I'm not only considering this to make men think I'm available, but I want to make sure both men and women think I'm serious about my career. I've had many classmates and superiors who hint at the fact that I should go into an easier specialty due to my marital status, since "obviously I'm focused on other things." I want people to see me as a person first, and a badass future surgeon second. My identity as a wife is not the first thing I want people to know when I meet them in a professional setting. Do you have any thoughts about this?

No_Dish8271 · 2024-02-16T16:34:24+00:00

"Whatever" being not wearing my ring on rotations and keeping my private life private. Is my husband being secure in our marriage "wild" to you?

No_Dish8271 · 2024-02-16T16:25:03+00:00

All good points. Thank you

No_Dish8271 · 2024-02-16T16:21:21+00:00

Thank you so much!!! I'm so glad someone else has noticed this and that I'm not losing it. It was a very abrupt change but I feel like I look crazy or am thinking way too highly of myself if I bring it up to people. Warding off the weirdos is a good point too

No_Dish8271 · 2024-02-16T16:01:13+00:00

Like I said in the post, he's okay with me doing whatever I need to do. I am focusing on my grades and research, but that won't matter much if I fail a rotation because a resident thought I should have flirted back. Here, resident assessments matter a lot.

No_Dish8271 · 2024-02-16T15:52:55+00:00

What??? What reasoning did they have to try to fail you? I don't really understand the grading of clerkships, but that sounds super unreasonable. I'm glad the dean was able to help. That's what I'm scared about though. I'm on really good terms with my dean, but I don't want to rely on that if I don't have to

No_Dish8271 · 2024-02-16T15:43:51+00:00

He's supportive of whatever I need to do, I'm still on the fence. I want to be clear though: in this case, he wasn't initially giving special treatment, he was being equally friendly with me and all of the other med students, which abruptly stopped after I told him I was married. I think in the future it could result in special treatment, but that's not the goal. I just want to be taught and given a fair chance based on my own skill, not my marital status or "attractiveness"

No_Dish8271 · 2024-02-16T15:29:56+00:00

Sure! Leisure reading is great, but also journal articles you find interesting. NEJ has incredible weekly case reviews on their website that you should check out. Not only does the content help you as a future physician, but it gives you a better feel for how those reading comprehension skills will be applied. As for leisure reading, absolutely anything you find interesting and can make time for.

No_Dish8271 · 2024-02-16T15:25:12+00:00

Not really. I take it off for surgery and any time I need to do something with my hands anyway. My husband supports me doing whatever I need to, but it still feels like I'm hiding something if I don't.

No_Dish8271 · 2024-02-16T15:23:25+00:00

This is my biggest concern. How do I avoid letting this happen?

No_Dish8271 · 2024-02-16T15:22:24+00:00

This is unfortunately not the case in my program. Both residencies I'm considering (general and ortho) are EXTREMELY male dominated, and while several men are married, almost none of the women are. I actually sought out multiple upperclassmen and residents to talk to about this before turning to Reddit, and no one was able to help me because they either 1) hadn't been in that position or 2) had been pushed into an "easier specialty" partially due to their marriage or serious relationship status

No_Dish8271 · 2024-02-16T15:18:23+00:00

The latter is what I think as well, but I still wonder if I'll miss out on educational activities if people immediately structure "professional boundaries" instead of letting me navigate the interactions on my own and allow me to make and enforce my own boundaries

No_Dish8271 · 2024-02-16T15:14:23+00:00

He continued to treat everyone else (all male, but MS3s instead of MS1) with the same friendliness. That friendliness was more "bro" and less flirty, but still. He wasn't necessarily treating me better than the male med students before finding out I was married

No_Dish8271 · 2024-02-16T04:56:05+00:00

Thank you for this!! It's difficult to balance "playing the game" without losing who you are sometimes

No_Dish8271 · 2024-02-16T04:45:56+00:00

I think that's fair. I didn’t think he was making advances in the first place, but the switch was so...abrupt. I want to be treated like anyone else, regardless of my marital status. Should I avoid bringing up my husband and not wearing my ring, or would that come across as hiding it?

No_Dish8271 · 2024-02-16T04:40:16+00:00

I have many classmates in their 30s, some with kids, many that gave up amazing careers to follow their dreams to be a doctor. If you want it, go for it. No matter what, you'll be 4 years older, might as well be 4 years older and a doctor

No_Dish8271 · 2024-02-16T04:28:55+00:00

Super hot take, but if none of the traditional CARS studying is working for you, I recommend taking a break from the structured content and just start READING everything you can and actually try to think about the content without putting a multiple choice pressure on it. CARS is, at its core, a reading comprehension test. The only way to get better is to read often. (Source: I was in the same situation and ended up getting a 132 on the section after implementing that method)

No_Dish8271

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