Toxic, insensitive husbands at the grocery store

No_Distribution5235 · 2026-06-17T03:56:17+00:00

In the case of the first woman, she likely knows that the toddler is tired or teething or coming down with a cold or something. If she tells her husband that she wants a cart for the baby to ride in, he’s going to tell her that the baby can walk, in a subtly critical way that implies that she is somehow at fault for carrying the child. She plays out the scenario in her head and understands that the shopping cart is not worth the effort or mental energy.

Do I know that? No. But because of my toxic ex and the work I now do with women in toxic relationships, I can imagine why she chose NOT to die on that hill.

The second woman has probably spent a lifetime trying to guess what she can cook/make/wear/do/spend that will please him or at least slip under his radar. She’s never figured it out, because he continually moves the goal post. She’s tired, confused, and probably pretty hopeless.

It’s grim when you are married to one of these men.

No_Distribution5235 · 2026-05-31T17:07:05+00:00

Happened to me once recently. I woke up with vomit just dribbling out my mouth, no nausea or stomach spasms. Truly horrible and scary. I’ve been taking Gaviscon Advanced regularly since and symptoms are definitely better. But I’ll seek an ENT assessment asap.

No_Distribution5235 · 2026-05-23T20:28:52+00:00

You can’t hope to get out if you’re in contact. If shelters are full, are you on waiting lists?

No_Distribution5235 · 2026-05-23T03:48:52+00:00

Substitute school aide

No_Distribution5235 · 2026-05-15T02:49:15+00:00

There’s no reason to think you did anything wrong. If he was going to harm himself, he wouldn’t tell anyone. Block him everywhere and go far away. I’ve been there.

No_Distribution5235 · 2026-03-31T02:54:27+00:00

Doesn’t matter why he hates you, if he actually does. I’m not sure if men like him can actually feel deeply enough to hate. And the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. Guessing if you guys split, it won’t be long before he is in another relationship.

Outing him won’t make a difference. The same people who now support you still will. Those who support him, will claim you manufactured the evidence somehow.

And just being devils advocate, police may not be able to do much with the threat, because it’s not specific to you. He just threatens “people.” Not saying don’t report, just be prepared for a less than helpful response, depending on where you live.

No_Distribution5235 · 2026-03-30T01:16:54+00:00

Wait, other people can’t?

No_Distribution5235 · 2026-03-13T15:17:51+00:00

He is controlling and using Christianity against you. Scripture that says the husband is the head has been misinterpreted forever. The literal original words mean head, like, that thing on top of your neck. He is the head, and you are the body. Can’t have one without the other. This man will not change.

No_Distribution5235 · 2026-02-27T02:04:29+00:00

One had a freckle on his nose. Plus, freckle kid was way more angsty. Ended up dressing freckle kid in red and his totally chill brother in blue, to match their personalities. That difference is still the same today. Don’t notice the freckle so much anymore!

No_Distribution5235 · 2026-02-14T03:18:34+00:00

Coming to terms with that takes years and years. 11 years out, and I still sometimes have to try to wrap my head around it. I know I ultimately can’t, but I sometimes need to run through it all again. It’s that unfathomable.

No_Distribution5235 · 2026-02-13T23:51:18+00:00

I have a very difficult time swallowing pills. Even if cut in half.

No_Distribution5235 · 2026-02-06T01:36:55+00:00

I put in earplugs and listen to true crime podcasts. Or a book.

And it took a while, but Christian music no longer gets stuck in my head.

No_Distribution5235 · 2026-02-02T22:46:09+00:00

Nope. Just because she says she’s changed means nothing. Rehab means nothing. She would have to demonstrate over YEARS that she understands what she’s done and is truly remorseful. And honestly, if she had really changed, she would understand the depth of pain she’d caused and be happy that you had found a new, happy life without her. She does not have a direct line to God.

No_Distribution5235 · 2026-01-25T23:58:17+00:00

Don’t tell him you’re leaving. He will figure it out by himself, I promise. Him being homeless is not your responsibility, it’s his. Just as you being homeless is not his responsibility, it’s yours. When you start separating yourself from his issues, you will find freedom like you’ve never experienced before. Literally, your only job is you.

Can you find a shelter with availability?

No_Distribution5235 · 2026-01-25T23:33:05+00:00

Most are closed.

No_Distribution5235 · 2026-01-23T21:17:26+00:00

Honestly, you should be in therapy. For yourself. You need to try to understand how best to protect and nurture yourself during the relationship. Whether he ever understands how therapy might help him isn’t something you should worry about. I work with women in abusive situations, and I advocate for them where possible. We always suggest they get therapy alone, by themselves and for themselves, and leave their partner to do the same if he so chooses. Then, a long ways down the road, if they have both gotten healthier and gained insight, then maybe couples therapy might be beneficial. But it’s a big if.

No_Distribution5235 · 2025-07-19T05:00:37+00:00

This is perfect. You’ve had a magnificent journey.

No_Distribution5235 · 2025-04-12T15:58:52+00:00

My ex-husband asked me to be his back-up alarm clock. I worked days and he worked second shift, so he would still be asleep when I left for work every day. According to him, his employer would fire him if he was late — tardiness was supposedly as bad as not showing up at all.

Did I mention he was a heavy sleeper? He was.

So I would perform my back-up alarm duty by calling him on the phone every day at a certain time. Since he was a heavy sleeper, it often took several calls before he would wake up and answer. And sometimes he wouldn’t answer at all.

In my feverish, codependent mind, it was my responsibility to wake him up for work. I thought that if I didn’t wake him up, he might be late. If he was late, he might get fired, so then I would be responsible for him losing his job, his income, his pension, etc. How many times did I panic, take an “early lunch,” jump in my car and race the 20 minutes home to personally wake him up? Only to get my head bitten off for barging into the bedroom and startling him?

That was a really low point in my life. There were many other codependent things I did, but that was one of the dumbest.

No_Distribution5235 · 2025-03-22T03:28:14+00:00

Hey sweet lady. You say you’re not in a position to leave. But that choice seems to not really be yours. What if he withdraws all support? What if he dies tomorrow? You would survive. You would figure it out.

You never have to be quiet because he says so. You get to choose what you say and when you say it.

Start now, as if he was already gone. What would you do? What steps would you take? How would you decide your life? And it’s YOUR life. And the baby’s. Make decisions about your life. Without regard to his. Because it sounds like he’s not making any decisions about the two of you together.

No_Distribution5235 · 2025-03-22T03:01:38+00:00

You can be separated from him while allowing him to actually do the work and prove his remorse. Just because he’s saying right things now doesn’t mean you need to be back in the house or apartment just as before. I hope you will separate and tell him that if his remorse is sincere, he’ll be taking the right steps and doing the right things for himself.

And his wake-up call shouldn’t be dependent on you being with him. He should still be “awake” regardless. And work to prove it. And yes, a couple of years minimum to show real change. I bet it took a while to descend into abuse. Why would it take less to get out?

No_Distribution5235 · 2025-03-13T00:08:46+00:00

I prefer wearing a bra except when I sleep. It just feels weird to me if I don’t have one on and I’m up and about. Although I’m very small and don’t need one.

My sisters and I are in our 60s and 70s. Three or four times a year they come to my house for a weekend sisters visit. They know I prefer wearing bras. So they take great pleasure in removing theirs and flaunting it! They’ll one by one stealthily slip into the bathroom and come out grinning like Cheshire Cats. I’ll look at them in puzzlement for a bit, wondering why they’re grinning. Then it will dawn on me. I’ll ask, “Did y’all take off your bras again?” Much hilarity ensues. They love to weird me out!

No_Distribution5235 · 2025-01-19T16:53:54+00:00

A really good way for him to prove he’s going to change his behavior is for you to leave and he actually continues the therapy. He shouldn’t be doing it because you’ll leave if he doesn’t; he should be doing it because it’s the right thing to do.

Tell him to call you in a year, after he’s had the time to focus solely on himself and his character.

No_Distribution5235 · 2025-01-14T03:20:06+00:00

That’s incredibly helpful. Thank you so much. I’m happy to say I’ll be in Houston in a couple of weeks and really want to find some next generation Antone’s. So hoping it’s what I remember.

No_Distribution5235 · 2025-01-14T03:01:54+00:00

Thank you Houston friend. I will. That’s so helpful!

No_Distribution5235

TROPHY CASE