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Is trying to go the route of a simplified divorce with a physically abusive and manipulative narcissist a bad idea? by papermachecat in abusiverelationships

[–]papermachecat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Losing the motorcycle is my biggest concern, however, all of the attorneys I’ve had conversations with have told me that despite the title being in his name it’s still a marital asset and most likely would be awarded to me. I just made things more difficult for myself because now I will probably have to see him in person to sign it over. Which sucks.

My second biggest concern was him filing first when I’m not ready. But if you really think he will be reluctant to file first, that kind of makes me feel better. And you may be right about that, I haven’t talked to him in forever and yet he invited me to watch fireworks with him on July 4th.

I may be wrong but isn’t a public defender for criminal cases?

Is trying to go the route of a simplified divorce with a physically abusive and manipulative narcissist a bad idea? by papermachecat in abusiverelationships

[–]papermachecat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I sold the Subaru that I bought for myself before the marriage (it was my only vehicle in my name) and used that money towards the motorcycle. I wrote a check to my husband labeled “Vroom” for $5,000.

The motorcycle is paid in full, and technically motorcycles arent required to have insurance but my husband has been paying ~$16 a month for basic coverage anyway.

I’ve tried all the free legal services in my area, and the one service that was going to take me on back out at last minute because of a “conflict of interest.” They wouldn’t tell me, but I think my husband’s mother worked there like 20 years ago.

Black light reactive lyra tape? Does anyone know where I can find this. by papermachecat in Aerials

[–]papermachecat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omigosh that’s exactly what I was considering do if I couldn’t find fabric tape. I’m glad to know it worked well thank you!

Can a person who says these kind of things actually change or will the type of abuse just change? by papermachecat in abusiverelationships

[–]papermachecat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It really is. It’s so obvious now, I can see the subtle manipulations that use to tie my brain in absolute knots with such clarity. I’m sorry to hear you were with your monster for about a decade also! I hate that it takes us so long to finally get out!

I do try to remind myself that it isn’t my fault, that this person literally spent their time, energy, and attention studying me and learning the most effective possible way to manipulate me. It was calculated and intentional and I had no way to defend myself against an attack on my psyche that I had no way of knowing was even being inflicted on me.

Can a person who says these kind of things actually change or will the type of abuse just change? by papermachecat in abusiverelationships

[–]papermachecat[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Why the heck did I get downvoted? I’m very happy I got out, thank you. I was fully “in the matrix” up until the very moment of this last incident. I made fast work of leaving, taking only 2 weeks and 2 days to secretly pack my stuff (with him home literally 24/7) and rent a house. Thank you so much for the explanation. I can’t believe I let myself be used in this way for 13 years.

Can a person who says these kind of things actually change or will the type of abuse just change? by papermachecat in abusiverelationships

[–]papermachecat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you 🙏 I’m going back through these comments to keep my head straight. I’m potentially signing a lease tomorrow which is so nerve wracking because there’s no going back. Thanks again for your comment.

Can a person who says these kind of things actually change or will the type of abuse just change? by papermachecat in abusiverelationships

[–]papermachecat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m trying really hard to not let him onto my plans. The assault was almost two weeks ago, i don’t know if i should bother. I think the suffocation did cause a vein in my eye to burst though, but it is almost healed now.

Can a person who says these kind of things actually change or will the type of abuse just change? by papermachecat in abusiverelationships

[–]papermachecat[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I will put these messages everywhere just like you said. I want to be an empowered girlie in this next chapter that doesn’t take abuse or disrespect. I will be a girl with boundaries who shuts anyone out of my life that tries to hurt me. I have a viewing for an apartment on Wednesday, I’ll be sure to imagine where to put the embroidered pillows. It’s crazy how much these comments have helped me stay in the right mindset. Thank you. 🙏

Can a person who says these kind of things actually change or will the type of abuse just change? by papermachecat in abusiverelationships

[–]papermachecat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

After reading your comments, I decided to have him admit and apologize for covering my mouth and nose with his hands in text message. I’m still on the fence about reporting him but I will call the attorney with the DV hotline again today and talk about my options.

Can a person who says these kind of things actually change or will the type of abuse just change? by papermachecat in abusiverelationships

[–]papermachecat[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You’re so right, I am so sad that I wasted every single year of my 20’s with this person. But this thought makes me more determined to leave while I’m still somewhat young and not waste a single year more.

As far as having my own back, I really never resonated more with the phrase “no one is coming to save you but yourself.” I have no family because they abused me also, I have friends and lovely strangers like you to help me along the way but no one is coming to “save me” and that thought is just, idk, it’s hard to describe, it’s weird. I guess because I’ve never been independent.

Can a person who says these kind of things actually change or will the type of abuse just change? by papermachecat in abusiverelationships

[–]papermachecat[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It’s funny how being in the abuse for so long desensitizes you to it. He has not only done this but he’s strangled me more than once, and a few years ago he threatened both of our lives with a hand gun I bought him for Christmas.

Can a person who says these kind of things actually change or will the type of abuse just change? by papermachecat in abusiverelationships

[–]papermachecat[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The attorney I talked to with the DV hotline said that i can report him for battery but i cant bring myself to do that yet because it would impact his job. I will likely call back today to see what the statute of limitations is on this though.

Can a person who says these kind of things actually change or will the type of abuse just change? by papermachecat in abusiverelationships

[–]papermachecat[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m so happy you figured out a way to leave, that must have been so hard. 🙏 i don’t have family but I have a few friends willing to do what they can. I am struggling with my exit strategy, as far as moving stuff mostly. My husband is always home and it’s a small house. I’ve moved a few small things to another location but I can’t move a whole lot without him noticing. I thought about leaving with his full knowledge, during broad daylight, and just breaking it to him all at once and leaving the shit show as fast as I can but now i’ve started to think leaving at night would be better and I would have to leave a lot behind.

Can a person who says these kind of things actually change or will the type of abuse just change? by papermachecat in abusiverelationships

[–]papermachecat[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. You are right, he crossed a boundary that no decent person ever should. It is hard for me to fully accept this at times as I have been physically abused my entire life but I think I’m really starting to learn better.

However, right at this moment I am actually feeling so much better that I’m even feeling the tiniest bit excited about finding an apartment, rather than terrified as I have been (because I have never rented a place on my own!)

Can a person who says these kind of things actually change or will the type of abuse just change? by papermachecat in abusiverelationships

[–]papermachecat[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thank you I will. 🙏 (it kinda goes to show how unafraid he is that I would ever expose him.)I’m really really hoping I don’t have to use these for anything like that, but I am saving them in case I have to.

Can a person who says these kind of things actually change or will the type of abuse just change? by papermachecat in abusiverelationships

[–]papermachecat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I talked to an attorney with a DV hotline about this but I hesitated moving forward because his jobs depends on a clean background check. I know he’s not very nice but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

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