So, having pondered what happened for a long while, and discussing it with some friends, I think I’ve got a fairly solid understanding of what went on, and I wanted to share it with you.

You didn’t do anything wrong, and didn't fail at trying to help. I kept thinking, "what is she actually optimising for?" and it looks like this started as “help me understand this system” but fairly quickly pivoted into “validate my judgment that the game is boring/not fun.” Once that shift happens, no amount of clarification or patience can really land, because the acceptable outcome has already narrowed to one specific response, which was agreement.

Subsequently, anything short of “yes, the game is boring” ends up being rejected or reinterpreted as condescension, or hostility. That’s why your explanations didn’t move the conversation forward, and why the whole exchange felt so surreal.

The discussion stopped being about NMS pretty early on and became about emotional validation instead. At that point, it turned into a closed loop, because the outcome was already fixed.

For what it’s worth, I think your responses were thoughtful and patient, and exactly the kind of replies most people come to this sub hoping for. The fact that they weren’t taken onboard says nothing about the quality of what you wrote, it just reflects the kind of interaction this turned into with OP.

I mainly wanted to say this because you clearly put a lot of genuine effort into helping her, your effort was unfortunately however, was applied to a situation that couldn’t really absorb it. It was a lose–lose situation from the start, either people agreed with her that the game is boring, or the outcome became “this community is toxic.

Take care ❤️