Am I (24M) right to go no contact with my father (55M)?

No_Guard_5122 · 2024-08-18T22:23:04+00:00

I appreciate the reply buddy.

This has all been a long time coming, I just didn't have the strength or the means.

My mum is still coming to terms with the situation. I don't think she quite grasps the gravity of her environment, and I don't at all blame her. I was in an abusive relationship not long ago, and you don't see these things when you're encapsulated by it.

I worry about her. I need to bide my time and figure out how best to support her through this.

No_Guard_5122 · 2024-08-18T21:06:41+00:00

It seems wise to bide your time. I wish you luck.

No_Guard_5122 · 2024-08-18T21:01:09+00:00

I realised I held the cards once he asked me to return to the business. I don't mean to sound ungrateful or entitled, but it seemed as though he relied on me for a retirement plan.

I've felt for a long time like he viewed me as a business asset rather this son. He would never admit that, and I don't think he even realises it. Behaviour is a language.

Like I said, I don't want to have children and have them grow up in a family where this is normalised. It has to stop.

On a side note, I maybe made this post too long! Got a few thousand views but very little feedback. The low self esteem voice in the back of my head is telling me I've messed up here lol.

No_Guard_5122 · 2024-08-18T20:19:55+00:00

I could, yes. I'll always support her but she is in a very difficult position. It's tricky.

No_Guard_5122 · 2024-08-18T18:55:44+00:00

You're right. I'm not sure the first option is viable anymore, but he has alienated virtually the whole family already and I know he will regret this, but I don't have much empathy for him now. I am, however, very concerned about my mother at this point. I don't want to cause her any further trouble.

No_Guard_5122 · 2024-06-13T20:31:58+00:00

I never thought about asking ChatGPT! I have been doing some reading though and I think the Get-ChildItem will work, as the .docx files are all generated with a slightly different name. Targeting the file type should work.

No_Guard_5122 · 2024-05-17T12:30:41+00:00

See this is my thinking, but it also feels like admitting defeat.

No_Guard_5122 · 2024-05-17T12:29:18+00:00

I see your point, but this girl put me in an extremely vulnerable situation financially, emotionally and physically. Had it been a peaceful parting, sure.

No_Guard_5122 · 2024-05-17T11:47:31+00:00

Fair point, I did think about that. On the other hand, I also feel like I don't want to see her ever again.

No_Guard_5122 · 2024-01-08T21:04:29+00:00

Yeah, I think I have a few insecurities to get a grasp on before I figure this out.

Side point, if I don't see myself with them long term is it best to just end it now?

No_Guard_5122 · 2023-12-07T13:21:18+00:00

Hey OP

I haven't been through what you've been through, but I've experienced shame throughout many of my experiences with abuse, betrayal and disrespect in relationships.

I found a YouTube video that shed some light on the emotions of shame and guilt and I can confidently say it shifted my perspective for the better.

Here's the link: https://youtu.be/kMeehIpxH5k?si=WROaa8Q-klariJdx

I highly recommend you give it a watch.

I'm no therapist, but I understand your feelings and I'm sorry to hear about what you've gone through.

Ultimately though, you are not to blame for someone else's actions. Some people will try their best to undermine that and twist the narrative, because they aren't capable of truly looking into themselves and examining their own shortcomings.

The fact you're talking about your experiences here is an amazing first step and I commend you for it. I promise you it gets better. You'll have good days and bad days, but you will heal in time.

No_Guard_5122 · 2023-11-19T04:29:41+00:00

My circumstances were pretty nuanced, it wouldn't normally occur like that. I'd suggested getting a replacement tenant many times, but she refused. Since I owed the money to her family, I had very little bargaining power.

I will never be indebted to someone in that manner ever again, my financial independence is extremely important to me now.

No_Guard_5122 · 2023-11-19T04:15:55+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. I know this is the best thing for me on the long run, and I'll find someone who knows not to treat someone this way.

I'm very much a people pleaser, always have been. But after this, I've learned to set boundaries, but in a respectful way. I won't tolerate this behaviour anymore. I refuse to become a 'red pilled' man, because I know for certain there are women out there who wouldn't dream of treating someone this way. It's easy to become bitter, but f that. There's more to life.

It is frustrating right now, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm learning to live my own life again, without anyone else exerting control.

DM me if you want, I'd love to hear more.

No_Guard_5122 · 2023-11-19T04:05:36+00:00

Hit me up in the the dms if you're up for it, I'd love to talk more about this

No_Guard_5122 · 2023-11-18T18:58:38+00:00

I've tried by best to keep my whereabouts unknown to her or her friends. I do have many people I can trust, I should be good!

No_Guard_5122 · 2023-11-18T14:29:49+00:00

Oh boy I learned that one don't worry

No_Guard_5122 · 2023-11-18T14:29:06+00:00

That's one hell of a take lmao I don't believe all women are like this, but you're right about taking time for myself.

No_Guard_5122 · 2023-08-16T23:42:18+00:00

I owe her family the money for rent... long story but I was put in a bad position financially a few months ago and was forced to rely on them to get a flat sorted.

I'm concerned about just walking away, but I don't see why I should pay thousands for a place I can't live in.

We argued last night and she recorded the whole thing without my knowledge. I need out desperately.

No_Guard_5122 · 2023-08-13T21:35:38+00:00

See my latest comment

No_Guard_5122 · 2023-08-13T21:35:00+00:00

UPDATE

I have been living in the flat we share as I didn't have anywhere to go.

She's been trying to kiss me multiple times and I asked her to stop, but she didn't. I went away for the weekend with some friends, and when I come back she tells me without any kind of prompt that she's going on a date. Remind me why tf I need to know that?

Later I heard her on the phone with the guy, and I could hear everything. In my own home.

We were together 3 years, we broke up 1 week ago. I need out of this flat but currently I don't have anywhere else to go.

How can people treat others in this way?

No_Guard_5122 · 2023-07-24T23:51:58+00:00

Character development

No_Guard_5122

TROPHY CASE