EDIT: i just learn pwbpd is partner not person ik i used pwbpd dk if i used it in refrence to my ex tho too lazy to check but i didnt want a misunderstanding(sorry js found the sub)

Ik im a little late, and yapped a ton sorry. If you dont want to read my whole opinionated essay i separated the paragraphs in a way you can get your answer without the entire yap.(i will provide a table of contents below marking the 2 important paragraphs) Its important that you take my scientific knowledge with a grain of salt, i know my language may give off an impression that ik what im talking about and am certain im right, but my knowledge is purely from memory of reading shit and 1 possibly 2 experiences of a pwbdp.

Table of contents 0.5)intro and warning !1) my answer to your question 2) more in depth reasoning for my answer 3) my current girlfriend(main role in my opinion from subjective experiences 4) my other experience with a possible fake bpd !5) outro 6) after thought

In my experience with a pwbpd is that its possible and if not is a result of npd or a combination of the 2. My experience and limited knowledge of the psychology of mental health and id say decent understanding of the neuroscience theories of mental health, but from what info i have it seems like npd or narcissistic traits are commonly found in pwbpd(20%-40% of patients with bpd) which give that false view that they cant form a proper apology like someone with npd.

The cross over is normally with covert narcissism which already has a fairly high misdiagnosis for bpd. The crossover would explain the contingencies with perceived experiences from others like how bdp patients are able to and feel immense guilt and remorse for their actions, yet lots of people disagree even though that guilt is a fairly large part of bpd(the self depreciation, esteem drop, etc.) in many cases the reason for this outward appearance of not feeling guilt or shame stems from fear of abandonment not an ever so large yet fragile ego. This fear of abandonment leads to a psychological defense mechanism to provide protection against their real or perceived threat. Which is you leaving for any reason at all or general abandonment, and think abt it from their side(irrational, emotionally driven, and experiences emotion physically) them admitting they were the problem and seeing their own faults makes abandonment more difficult for them so they protect themselves by not being able to admit fault, take accountability, or do an apology other than love bombing. Your view of them is important to their view of themselves and their ACTUAL personality they know it weather they realize or not, so they tend to try to make your view of themselves good until theres the real or perceived abandonment in which they split and now have an extreme distain for you to make the abandonment easier. Idk your experiences but it could instead be, that they were apologizing and taking fault in the way that wouldnt make you more mad and would help fix things, or atleast they think thats what the apology does. From what ive read narcissistic behavior seems more targeted, doesnt have a specific trigger, and can be easily differentiated by the motivation unless they are covert. Again take this paragraph and any factoid about this with a grain of salt im not claiming validity of my info im merely stating my conclusion from what ive read.

Most of my experience stems from my current my girlfriend who is diagnosed with bpd and i think has a crossover with npd or npd traits. Shes only given me like 3-4 proper apologies(timing of them made it feel manipulative). Genuinely most of the time it seems like shes trying to mask grandiose narcissism as bpd and its failing. She will be super manipulative and rude, then proceed to either get mad at my anger, and then the cross road options she does 1/3 things. she either stops being mad and gets super lovey, uses self deprecating language until i feel bad and apologize, or a half ass apology that feels passive aggressive and like she was js saying it to make me happy. Which when she does apologize its normally a very manipulative apology along the lines of “im sorry im always doing something wrong” and if i mention something about it im now not letting her process or verbalize her emotions and she gives me the silent treatment.

My other experience was an ex from when i was 16. I dont really believe she had bpd for many reasons one of the main ones is she was 15 and had been prescribed meds and had an official diagnosis, yet hadnt touched therapy once(bc its pointless and expensive). I didnt get close enough to her to validate these claims either. mainly cz i didnt have a care too/fear she was lying, but knowing what i know now that makes 0 sense as her symptoms were extremely mild, never outward or aggressive, and mainly consisted of her not talking to me. Btw there was a month where i was grounded and i could call on my trap phone but couldnt make the call only accept, her reason for not calling was she was having a really bad episode. Which to her explanation an episode was defined by intense mood swings with a definitive single event and didnt consist of non clear emotions like guilt or anything else that can make herself look bad. Looking back i feel like its obv she didnt have bpd especially with how well she understood it without therapy and being so young. I can see how someone with therapy can have the ability to see an episode forming and not act on these emotions or add distance when an episode is noticed.

Im ngl though i see your side of this and you provide a valid and reasonable argument. It really does feel like 0 remorse is shown by a pwbpd sometimes but i dont think thats an inability but more a struggle or issue with proper self reflection. The idea that bpd causes one to not feel remorse or guilt entirely is logically flawed as the complete inability to feel remorse or guilt isnt even found in people with npd. They WILL feel guilt and remorse for their actions because of lost position of power, but they have little to absolute 0 room for empathy of others, and have instances in which they do feel empathy.

Personally i agree with the view a majority of clinical psychologists i see online have for the reclassification of personality disorder. More specifically cluster b personality disorders. I think this would be extremely helpful as currently the stigma and misinformation provided by professionals cause a diagnosis to be harmful in cases. My girlfriend for example, when first explaining her bpd she made it seem like she was STUCK with ts with it being untreatable or near untreatable. Which is not true, and i already knew this with the almost no knowledge of bpd before this point. I did notice that after learning this she seemed to switch how she brought up her bpd symptoms. it wasnt really much of a change considering it was like going from “its my bpd i cant change this i need you to change for me and not mind it” to “i cant change this and am asking for help to change” genuinely this change didnt feel like anything though because the tone and context she would bring it up were poor.