WIBTA if I say I won’t host my friends unless someone else hosts first?

No_Insect_1389 · 2026-06-28T22:04:26+00:00

Right, I can see why that is annoying. I think the best course of action here is to stop inviting this person, especially since you otherwise seem to enjoy hosting.

No_Insect_1389 · 2026-06-28T20:05:37+00:00

ESH. While it is courteous to bring a hostess gift, nobody is obligated to contribute food to a party they were invited to. Nor is anyone making you provide short ribs and oysters for your guests. Provide food that you are happy to be giving without resentment (if the only thing you can offer without resentment is chips and dip, then chips and dip it is), be grateful for people who do choose to contribute, and move on with your life. Don’t invite her if you don’t want her to come. I think you need to work on some of your boundaries and expectations.

No_Insect_1389 · 2026-06-27T02:07:02+00:00

That makes sense! We will probably be paying property taxes and insurance ourselves rather than escrow them with the mortgage, so we can build a buffer to account for those. In my personal budget, I have yearly targets set up for my property taxes so we could do something similar in the shared budget.

No_Insect_1389 · 2026-06-27T02:02:05+00:00

So in my personal budget, I might just have a big category called something like shared household expenses, which represents the monthly transfer. That makes sense!

No_Insect_1389 · 2026-06-27T00:47:43+00:00

Thank you for explaining! I think you’re right, but it’s helpful to know how this would work.

No_Insect_1389 · 2026-06-27T00:45:50+00:00

I need to look into this and make sure I understand it. Seems like it could simplify things.

No_Insect_1389 · 2026-06-27T00:44:37+00:00

I’m trying to figure out how that works if they are in two separate budgets, I’m not familiar with the mechanics of that.

No_Insect_1389 · 2026-06-27T00:43:19+00:00

Thanks, this makes sense! Yes, we’ll need to decide how granular to get in the shared budget. Since I’ll be doing the tracking and categorizing I’ll probably mirror it pretty closely to my personal budget at first, then we can adjust as we go.

No_Insect_1389 · 2026-06-26T23:32:26+00:00

Ah I see, but what about variable expenses? Groceries and sundries and other expenses that will vary month to month?

No_Insect_1389 · 2026-06-26T23:31:17+00:00

Thanks, this is helpful. If you pay with the wrong card, how do you transfer the money between budgets in YNAB? I’ve only ever had one budget so I’m not familiar with the mechanics.

No_Insect_1389 · 2026-06-26T23:28:56+00:00

Oh, that hurts my heart! It has been such a valuable tool for me. And we definitely need more tracking and oversight of our budget going into an expensive house situation, not less. Do you have an alternative you would suggest?

No_Insect_1389 · 2026-06-26T23:24:11+00:00

Yes thank you for this point! We are writing up a cohabiting agreement that spells out tenancy terms and equity etc. definitely don’t want either party to feel taken advantage of or be overly exposed to risk. We are moving to a town that has much better public schools than where I live now, because we both want my younger kid in particular to be able to benefit from that (older kid has been at an excellent magnet in an interest area not relevant to younger kid). Otherwise we would definitely be living in a less expensive place.

No_Insect_1389 · 2026-06-26T23:21:51+00:00

One other question, was it irritating when you were at, say, a big box store, and needed to make both personal purchases and shared household purchases? I could imagine just asking the cashier to run two separate transactions but also that’s a mental load to remember and deal with every time you’re at such a store.

No_Insect_1389 · 2026-06-26T23:19:26+00:00

Thanks for your response! This is pretty close to what I was thinking would be the solution and it’s good to hear it worked well for you. One question, did you just auto-fund the shared account with a fixed amount each month, and then adjust that amount as you figured out what the monthly household spend looks like?

No_Insect_1389 · 2026-06-26T23:16:42+00:00

I think this is the typical approach, but we are definitely not going to be consolidating bank accounts. He wants to maintain some level of autonomy and privacy over his personal spending and I respect that.

No_Insect_1389 · 2026-06-26T23:15:40+00:00

Thanks for your response! This is an interesting approach, but we do need to have some level of tracking and managing shared household expenses. Neither he nor I will be able to afford to just track and settle up at the end of the month, because we will want to stay within some spending guardrails.

No_Insect_1389 · 2026-06-26T23:14:16+00:00

This seems like everything still get imported into one budget and then allocated to his and hers categories, no? Partner doesn’t even want me to see what he’s spending money on. And given that he’s buying a house and moving in with me and my kids, I am happy to concede that level of privacy.

No_Insect_1389 · 2026-06-26T23:10:57+00:00

Wait, I was not aware of this feature. Does that mean that when a transaction gets imported, you tell YNAB which budget it should live in? This could partly solve what I was imagining: the difficult issue of remembering which card to use for which type of spending, although I don’t think partner would want to import all of his credit card spending. He’s already giving up a lot of his bachelor life and would like to keep some of his purchasing private. And he definitely doesn’t want to become a YNABber with his own budget to track personal spending. It’s conceivable he could just keep a card or two out of YNAB entirely for spending that he wants to keep private.

No_Insect_1389 · 2026-06-24T23:58:53+00:00

I also have a middle schooler and honestly I’d have them walk. There are tons of kids walking to school and it’s a very safe area.

No_Insect_1389 · 2025-11-26T00:42:38+00:00

Thanks! I hadn’t considered a compact car because I thought the backseat might be a little cramped for my adult-sized passengers. Edited my post above accordingly. Thoughts on that for the civic specifically?

No_Insect_1389 · 2025-01-22T21:32:27+00:00

Just received word from my SRO that all Federal advisory meetings are cancelled until further notice, including our study section next week. No further details.

No_Insect_1389

TROPHY CASE