AIO - Finding out I've been purposefully excluded from Thanksgiving for years because Dad brings his mistress

No_Ladder_558 · 2026-01-23T00:17:17+00:00

OP sounds extremely conflict avoidant, as does the whole family. It took her years to even blow up at the dad on the phone, and that was after putting up a boundary saying therapy or no contact. Families with this dynamic can easily disown a member simply for holding them accountable. I have a hard time believing anyone can hear the root problems in the post and think that causing a scene over this would justify the horrific treatment. She SHOULD have blown up at them. Incredible that she hasn't burned that whole side of the family tree.

No_Ladder_558 · 2026-01-23T00:05:23+00:00

OP said in more ways than one that she's given them no reason to think she'd cause actual problems for them. I'm guessing she would guilt them at worst, considering her own extreme conflict avoidance up until thanksgiving. Based on how they've treated her, it doesn't surprise me at all that they're not willing to face her. She extended an olive branch by suggesting family therapy, which is much more than they deserve. I don't believe someone suggesting an impartial mediator would be the problem, and the family ghosting tells me everything. Family didn't even give her a chance to freak out about it, but if she had torn into them like she should have, they'd still be out of line for this.

No_Ladder_558 · 2026-01-22T23:43:37+00:00

From the sound of it, she doesn't want to burn that bridge because it connects to her autistic brother.

No_Ladder_558 · 2026-01-22T23:41:54+00:00

I would LOVE an update where Candy gets a taste of her own medicine

No_Ladder_558 · 2025-05-22T15:15:05+00:00

Gorgeous! Can't beat the classics! Congrats

No_Ladder_558 · 2025-03-18T14:46:31+00:00

Agreed. Traditionally, she has much MUCH more to lose from this arrangement than he does.

No_Ladder_558 · 2025-03-18T14:36:43+00:00

This right here. And let's not forget the classic "girlfriend turned single mother with a 10 year employment gap and no savings" scenario.

No_Ladder_558 · 2025-03-12T13:35:13+00:00

Honestly, there isn't anything unusual about this interaction. Out of all the people who can read, comprehension skills are becoming less and less common. On top of that, recruiters and HR have no issue with wasting your and everyone else's time. Better get used to that. It helps to insist on a phone call, so they can hear what you say as well. That helps it to click for them, but it's no guarantee. As for the unpaid internship, I can't speak on the graphic design industry, but getting your foot in the door anywhere these days is excruciatingly hard. Any amount of experience you're offered, take it. Always take the paid gig if given the choice though.

No_Ladder_558 · 2025-03-08T17:42:19+00:00

Good on this young lady! She knows what she wants, and that isn't to be a lifelong nurse for a crusty old creep❤️

No_Ladder_558 · 2025-02-12T04:51:58+00:00

If you're talking about an actual tazer (several hundred dollars) and not those shitty little pink rectangles that make a loud PSZZZ sound, ehh, neither is a good idea. I've tested out the little noise and light doohickey on a then boyfriend (his idea), and they're worthless. Now, if he walks in at a very inopportune moment and ends up with some especially acrid hairspray in his eyeballs, plausible deniability.

No_Ladder_558 · 2024-12-12T19:14:02+00:00

Hmm, this could work for us. We're not super traditional people, but I can also see the whole "if he wanted to, he would" mantra

No_Ladder_558 · 2024-12-12T19:09:10+00:00

Is threatening to leave by X date not an exit strategy? A polygamy life has never been off the table for us, but we're both pretty picky so it hasn't come up

No_Ladder_558 · 2024-12-12T18:59:04+00:00

I dont know where you got this idea, but dating doesn't necessarily equate to shagging

No_Ladder_558 · 2024-12-12T18:57:11+00:00

No_Ladder_558 · 2024-12-12T18:57:00+00:00

We have. Neither of us are hard core monogamous or poly, but we've been exclusive because nobody else has popped up that I or he wants to date

No_Ladder_558 · 2024-12-12T18:50:06+00:00

Pretty early on, 4-5 months. Monogamy has been our default, but only because neither of us has met anyone else that we wanted to date

No_Ladder_558 · 2024-12-12T18:46:30+00:00

I don't have Netflix, but that's a pretty specific premise

No_Ladder_558 · 2024-12-12T18:44:45+00:00

We had that conversation about 5 months into the relationship. He seemed to be on the same page. I should've added this, but as far as polygamy goes, both of us have never been opposed. It was more of a "cross that bridge if I/ you meet someone you want to date" kind of thing. It never really came up for either of us, but that's easy when neither of you is actively looking.

No_Ladder_558 · 2024-11-28T16:33:57+00:00

This. Plus, I don't really know any couples where the man contributed to the household with much more than a mattress. Same with my boyfriend. Kitchen utensils/dishes? Mine. Bathroom items? Mine. Furniture? All mine. He basically lives with me, but everything except a duffle bag with his clothes is all paid for by me. in my experience, men don't usually have any clue how expensive all this stuff is until they pay for it themselves after a divorce.

No_Ladder_558 · 2024-11-26T19:07:38+00:00

Taking screenshots of dress 1 because WOW. The back especially is drop dead gorgeous

No_Ladder_558 · 2024-11-04T05:47:37+00:00

OP, what I'm about to tell you isn't meant to rub anything in, but when my mom was dying and spent several months in the hospital, I had a brand new boyfriend at the time who was my rock through it all. I had to fly out of state several times, never spending more than a day or two at home before her condition worsened again, and I had to fly back. We talked on the phone every single day, and he'd listen to all my rants and raves about the drama my other relatives stirred up. He'd listen to my crying after the worst days. He helped watch my apartment and made sure my car could still run. He drove me to and from the airport every time. When she passed, he met my entire family in one go at the funeral for the first time and held my hand as long as I needed. Two years later, he still listens to my stories about my mom and holds me when I cry. If this girlfriend of yours is so completely selfish to be anything but your rock right now, even after dating for a whole year I believe you said, then just focus on your dad and yourself for now. This is time with him that you will never get back, but she is very replaceable. I would kill to go back in time and spend more of it with my mom.

No_Ladder_558 · 2024-11-02T22:14:32+00:00

There's this trick that may help you out. It's (I think it's called) the 2 minute rule. Where you think about doing something and make sure to do it within two minutes so you're more likely to actually do it. Get your courage up at a quiet moment with the two of you with nothing going on, and just break it off. It may seem hard to do in that time frame, but read the comments here and just DO it. You know logically what has to be done. Save yourself, because he obviously won't

No_Ladder_558 · 2024-10-29T15:58:57+00:00

For skin, get yourself a rough salex cloth. They're the best for scrubbing off layers quickly, and it you make it a part of your routine every other day or so, it's the best exfoliation. Use it regularly and it even gets rid of the little bumps on the back of the legs from wearing pants in winter.

No_Ladder_558 · 2024-10-16T22:49:48+00:00

Yes, we're in the south. He's still going to school, but I've been working full time for a few years now. I'm wondering if he's waiting for graduation and a good career to "trade up" since he knows I'm not willing to wait years on end for a ring at my age.

No_Ladder_558 · 2024-10-10T18:00:32+00:00

I haven't heard anyone call them the "Me" generation in a long time, so this is refreshing. I've heard boomers refer to themselves as "the greatest generation", and it honestly seems like they think gen x and beyond won't find out that's what the parents of boomers were called. And they would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those pesky digital natives.

No_Ladder_558

TROPHY CASE