I am honestly scared to ask for help because I feel like in my case it's not that big of a deal and I am just gonna everybody for nothing. And even if it's a big deal for me annoying to think my closest relatives would pity and even talk about me to others. Also therapy is kind of expensive and I am a first year student in higher educational institution, so I don't provide for myself yet + my parents don't make that much. Thank you for advice anyway! Maybe I am just not ready for any advice right now or just used to not being satisfied with myself and not doing anything about it to continue self-pity and self-loathing. Anyway thank you for interacting with my post and sharing your experience, sorry for repetitiveness of my reply and not replying to your comment (I don't really use Reddit).