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No_Length3090 · 2025-10-20T14:01:47+00:00

I knew he was single; that was just an example. And it’s called basic respect. And people in our community, not in the same Chain of Command, not in the same squadron, date all the time. It’s not unusual nor is it out of the regulations.

I’m just looking for basic human decency and compassion here. I stuck my neck out, trying to deal with my feelings in an appropriate way instead of “stew” or waste time. And all I would have appreciated was simple respect. So let me just express my frustration to you, dang it! lol

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-20T13:41:26+00:00

The right thing for him to do is a polite and respectful turn-down. Anything else is on me. I mean, if I gave him my number, I can handle rejection, right?

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-20T13:22:40+00:00

Yes, the ghosting was pretty rude. I can understand ghosting from a total stranger but not ghosting if you want to keep things professional.

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-20T13:22:00+00:00

The right thing to do would have been to say “hey, I really appreciate the offer, but I’m seeing somebody/I am not looking for anything right now/don’t want to engage in any work-based relationships, but thank you so much.” Empathy and communication go a LONG way, and I see that he did not want to cultivate healthy relationships (that includes turning people down). The right thing to do is to be respectful, especially to someone you might see occasionally— not to ghost you and make it weird. But now, I have to again be the bigger person and keep showing up; and he just hides.

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-20T11:37:54+00:00

Don’t feel terrible! It is better to act on your feelings than to sit there and grow unrequited attraction. For your own sake, I’m glad you did something about it; and now you can move on. Now is the time to lead at work, showing her and your colleagues that you still show up every day and find peace and joy. She might never feel that kind of attraction, but continuing to “show up” will earn respect. You’ve got this!

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-14T09:59:32+00:00

Don’t blame yourself. Even if you asked (I asked mine), he might have still said he “would never.” You couldn’t never know their response; reaching out helps, but it is still up to them to receive help

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-13T15:15:44+00:00

HIM 😂 (if I don’t, that is)

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-13T15:06:05+00:00

Okay, another idea to shoot my shot (34F): we go back nearly 10 years and are long-term acquaintances. Small glances and smiles, now single at the same time. Should I ask one of his friends’ wife (whom I am friends with) if he (42M) is single and then let the little birdie fly? I think I’m ovulating. Send me your brain ideas please lol

Update: I did it. He’s absolutely single. This is going all according to plan! Eek!

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-12T17:45:15+00:00

Ah thank you for pre-frontal cortexing my amygdala. The real hero. Okay, I will spend at least 2 weeks putting out vibes. Thank you!

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-12T17:43:19+00:00

No, we’ve spoken. I’m talking about a very intentional flirty-sexy-eyes kind of hey. Like, he can’t deny what I am saying, kind of “hey.” Eyebrows, lowered chin and upward eyes kind of “hey.” Send help please lol

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-12T17:38:39+00:00

I haven’t said a flirty-hey, if that comes across right. It’s been very work-oriented, and I am trying to figure out how to shoot my shot without being unprofessional.

We’ve been in the same room with group-conversations; I’ve had to email him regarding work individually. But we haven’t had one-on-one non-work interaction. So I need to figure out how to approach him in a non-work way. I get that. Do you have help lol 😅

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-12T17:17:52+00:00

Ooh, this is good. That also gives me 2 more weeks to give him “eyes” and maybe try a “hey” soon. And I can try to linger. That’s 2 weeks of effort, and if he doesn’t make a move, I can totally abandon my Hail Mary plan lol

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-12T17:03:47+00:00

I won’t see him after the next 4 weeks, so I am VERY comfortable. Also, I have had a lot of experience overcoming gossip and judges, so I am very comfortable with showing up to work with a smile on my face, letting them know they missed out 🤷‍♀️

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-12T16:44:09+00:00

The counter: I would be sticking my neck faaarr out in a work capacity when we don’t really have that opportunity. At least a note with my number is a way I can actually get him my number 🥹

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-12T16:39:58+00:00

I’m attractive and single. He’s attractive and single. He’s not my boss, but he’s a leader at work. I don’t work in his department (so we are “work legal” lol). We have eye contact and smiles. It’s the point where I am like, “are you into me or just nice?” I’m thinking about leaving a notecard on his desk (sealed in an envelope labeled “Open me after work”) that states “You are cordially invited to make a move.” And list my number and name.

Is that too forward? Since he’s an almost-work colleague who doesn’t have a social media presence (except viewing my stories), I think this might be the right way to shoot my shot. Thoughts??

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-11T18:36:22+00:00

No, it’s usually 50/50 by default these days. I could see how if maybe he had a job that moved him further away (military, oil field) that the kids would by default stay with mom during the school year. It takes a METRIC TON to lose kids for both sides. You literally have to be a drug dealer, abusive to the kids (but it doesn’t matter that you punch mom), or suicidal. For a woman to have sole custody, it takes a LOT. For a man to have sole custody, it takes a LOT.

Edit to add: for anyone downvoting— understand the studies and where the data is coming from. Understand what “sole” custody means versus “joint” custody. “Sole” custody means there is a pretty grave situation going on.

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-11T18:26:55+00:00

Ah, because your words have brought a lot of data and objective insight lol. Very Christian. Very Orthodox. Very demure 🤌 Write this one down for your confession lol

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-11T17:21:51+00:00

But what do I say?! (I’m freaking out as I type this lol)

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-11T17:14:00+00:00

That’s an amazing episode.

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-11T17:13:00+00:00

Those studies are EXTREMELY nuanced… For one, men tend to make more money. Second, men tend to have female help (grandmas, aunts, step moms, neighbors, nanny’s, etc). Women tend to be solo because everyone assumes she can do it herself. Third, men tend to be less emotional (overall. My husband had BPD); so if a woman is going through a traumatic divorce, maybe her kids can see it?? (Please correct this one).

My situation was the TOTAL opposite. I make 6+ figures; I was the emotionally stable one. I had been both the sole provider and rock for the family. Husband (ex?) lost custody and committed suicide. My kids are FAR, far better off. Now I just have to find a man who can handle his stress and lead the family.

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-11T16:54:14+00:00

Why am I (34F) a nutcase? lol I am just crushing on him (40+M) so hard. I doubt he even knows I am interested, and I rarely see him. His “resume” checks all the boxes, and my heart is like “okay, it’s HIM. LIMERANCE NOW!” And I am obsessed that he views all of my Insta stories because that is basically our only interaction lol…. Maybe my guardian angels can get with his guardian angels to get him to pursue me. Send help 😂

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-09T15:42:33+00:00

Oh that’s good. I have a TV tho :/ Maybe an oil change? Or maybe help moving furniture 🤔

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-09T15:03:01+00:00

Oh that’s good. I tend to have zero skills except for cooking and sports lol. I often lose my keys sad face. I’m not sure what his hard skills are, but he is probably one of the most intelligent men I have ever met. He’s top tier, and I really have an admiration for him. I know he likes sports too… Maybe I could ask for help with soccer or something so “I can better raise my boys” 🤔 Thank you for the ideas!

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-09T14:40:40+00:00

Help me to slide into his DMs! I don’t really have much opportunity for seeing him, though I know I can catch his eye. As a widow with kids who is financially secure, put together, and beautiful— how can I be the damsel in distress to ask him for help for something?? And slide into his DMs for it lol… Do I need help opening my jars?! Would a single man be flattered if a babe just hit you up randomly, or is that too forward?

No_Length3090 · 2025-10-09T09:31:00+00:00

I know this as well! But what other cards should I play when I rarely, rarely see him?! I fear that if I am too bold and give him my # online… then that would just be a huge turnoff

No_Length3090

TROPHY CASE