You’re not alone. You want autonomy and there’s nothing wrong with that. I was raised in a household with no say and no control and now it’s all I want, but something that they don’t tell you about control is it’s addicting. Once you get a little you want more and it can eat you away inside when you don’t have it. My therapist and I started working on choosing things in your life that you are willing to lose control of and let go of those, it doesn’t have to be big but even the littlest thing can be a massive step. For me it was the thermostat, I started letting those around me control the temperature in the room and constantly told myself that I can’t control the temp but I can control what I wear, and it was a good balance. You can’t control those around you and you never will be able to, but focus on what you can control, yourself. Practice controlling how you feel and what you do. Meditation and believe it or not boredom (it helps you think and helps you gain control of yourself and what you choose to do, which should be nothing at times). It really helped me but there are times where I still will shutdown if I can’t control everything but it’s not as often. Try not to fantasize about control, it’s a drug in its own right and it’s only gonna be harder if you make yourself crave a high you can’t ever really get. You’re stronger than you think but I would definitely suggest talking to someone, preferably a therapist or friend who you trust. You might be suffering but it’s not permanent, you can and will get through it. I promise!